Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. —Henry Fielding

10 September 2023

Aristotle and Dante Make a Public Service Announcement

I am really sad about this one, but I'm afraid that some mistakes were made. Aitch Alberto's script for Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe is terrible. Just awful. You’ll see every single beat coming a mile off. Worse yet, one of the key moments in the film – in which the main character loses his shit completely and commits an act of horrible violence because of his rage – is almost completely softened (and laughably so) by some terrible ADR work to cover over the word “fuck”. This is, of course, so that the movie can have a PG13 rating. And… of course it should have a PG13 rating: it’s a young adult novel and is about teenagers. Why on earth would they film the sequence with the word “fuck” in the first place??? Anyway it made Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe look even more false and contrived than it already felt. 

I gotta say, too, I read a couple of interviews in which Aitch Alberto says she wanted to make a different kind of story about queer Latinidad – one that veered away from violence – and I am pretty baffled. Aristotle and Dante is quite a violent movie, maybe even too violent to have deserved this PG13 rating it has. It's certainly a shocking level of violence for a movie with the kind of Disney-channel vibes that this one has. Not only is a terrible act of transphobic violence described to us in act two, but in act three we actually watch one of the main characters commit terrible violence as revenge for a horrific violent beating experienced by one of the other characters.

But really the problem here is the script. It's plotted weirdly, so that we are ahead of the main character for the entirety of the film; we know exactly what he's gonna do and what he's probably feeling. Oh, and big surprise, so do all the adults in the movie. Aristotle and Dante is the kind of terrible film about teenagers where the adults know everything and the teenagers' instincts are all wrong and they have so very much to learn from the adults in their lives if only they would open up and talk to them. It's offensive and paternalistic to make a movie about teenagers where they have no insights into the world and where we don't actually get their perspective but instead take the perspective of people who know so much more than they do. Nor is this film saved by the dialogue, which clunks along making false notes throughout.

This was a real missed opportunity. I spent the entirety of this movie wishing I liked it. Obviously I want to love a gay coming-of-age movie about teenage boys, but Aristotle and Dante is just not it.