Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. —Henry Fielding

12 July 2011

In This Story My Mother Knows Too Much about the Local Fauna

So my mom and I are having lunch in the dining room of my brother's enormous house, and my mom has started leaving peanuts for this squirrel who lives on the property. So while we're eating, the squirrel starts climbing down a fence just outside the dining room headfirst.

Aaron: You are so fat, little squirrel.
Mom: He is not.
Aaron: Yes he is. Lose some weight, little guy.
Mom: You are going to give him a complex and then he will get an eating disorder or something.
Aaron: Over twenty percent of all squirrels in the state of California are obese, Mom. It's a serious problem.
Mom: You are ridiculous.
Aaron: I can't back up my statistics.
Mom: Anyway, you should see his parents. He's skinnier than both of them.
Aaron: ...?