Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. —Henry Fielding

20 January 2007

Sarcasm with a Light Cream Sauce: The Movie!

The Movie Soundtrack of Your Life!
The meme asks:
If your life is a movie, what songs are on the soundtrack?
1. Open iTunes; 2. Put it on shuffle and press play; 3. For every stock movie scene listed, note the song that's playing; 4. Make up a title; 5. Choose cast

I'm playing this meme because I was tagged by the fierce and fabulous Stinkylulu.

And now for the movie:

TITLE:
Confessions of a Matinee Idol

STARRING:
Jude Law as Aaron
with Takeshi Kaneshiro as Aaron's love interest
and
Drew Barrymore as Jaime
Rachel Weisz as Julie
Claire Danes as Aines
Catherine Zeta-Jones as Lisa
Hugh Grant as Derek
Rick Yune as JDD
Hugh Jackman as Ryan
Rachel McAdams as Roomie
...and FEATURING all of the rest of my friends in their big movie-star breaks as themselves.


The Songs

Opening Credits:
"Karma Police" by Radiohead
This is an ominous opening. It's like I'm the star of a Mel Gibson film and I'm going to kick everyone's ass. This could be fun.

Waking Up:
"In the Springtime of His Voodoo" by Tori Amos
We're off to a bizarre start. This "waking up" means were clearly beginning this movie in medias res. Aaron appears to be waking up from an awkward assignation with someone he doesn't want to see anymore.

First Day At School:
"Mean Green Mother from Outer Space" by Levi Stubbs Jr. from Little Shop of Horrors
My first day at school and I've already met (and appear to have conquered) my mortal enemy.

Falling In Love:
"Evergreen" by Barbra Streisand
Oh my lord. I guess I've taken a break from subjugating people to my will to fall in love to the song stylings of Barbra.

Fight Song:
"I Don't Stand a Ghost of a Chance" by Diana Krall
Slow-motion fight. Maybe I'm fighting with Barbra.

Breaking Up:
"Butterflies and Hurricanes" by Muse
Oops. This just turned very sensitive and emo. Aaron flees from the room in hysterics, mascara streaking his face (even though he never wears mascara). This is clearly a fictional film.

Prom:
"Represent, Cuba" by Orishas, featuring Heather Headley
A nice beat. We're re-writing history and pretending I had dance moves in high school. "Let me introduce myself!" Hell yeah.

Life:
"Merrily We Roll Along" by Stephen Sondheim (from the musical)
This is a quickly-paced montage wherein Aaron moves up in his career and establishes his worldwide fame.

Mental Breakdown:
"I Have Nothing" by Whitney Houston
I'm glad this song made an appearance. Aaron realizes his life is meaningless without love. He sits in the car with Celeste Holm and says the immortal words "And in the last analysis nothing is any good unless you can look up just before dinner or turn around in bed and there he is." Celeste nods knowingly.

Driving:
"Like I Love You" by Justin Timberlake
Oh yeah. We're driving now. The top is down. JT might even be in the car at this point, making a cameo. I think this is where I meet Takeshi.

Flashback:
"Bodyrock" by Moby
Um. Okay. This must be a flashback to some sort of alcohol-induced hallucination. Probably late in high school (which is when this fucking song came out).

Wedding:
"Kiss" by Prince
Best. Wedding. Ever. It ain't in a church, if you were wondering.

Birth of Child:
"Take a Look, Lee" from Stephen Sondheim's Assassins
I've given birth to a psychopath, obviously. ...And I'm training him to kill the president.

Final Battle:
"She's Your Cocaine" by Tori Amos
Turn the soundtrack way up on this one. Aaron returns to his ass-kicking roots and battles his nemeses to cacophonous electronic Tori from her most ass-kicking album.

Death Scene:
"Tearing Herself Away" from the score to The Hours by Philip Glass
This seems appropriate, although I'm a little sad I don't get to die at the opera.

Funeral Song:
"End of Our Days" by Howie Day
Howie sings "We'll escape" and my ghost makes a final appearance, squeezing Takeshi's hand for the last time and then walking out of the theatre auditorium where they're holding my memorial service. Everyone's crying buckets at this point in the film in case you were wondering.

End Credit:
"Gnossiene II" by Erik Satie
A little bittersweet solo piano to take us out of the movie theatre


And I tag: Julie (my dear roommate), , , Debbye and .