Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. —Henry Fielding

21 May 2007

How Cute Is My Brother?

So I am at the library reading some gay theatre that I had to order through inter-library loan because we didn't have the book at FSU. The book arrived today from New York or somewhere where they keep books on people with deviant sexualities but it's due date is 6/21/07, which is before I get back from Los Angeles and it can't be renewed. So I had to stay at the library to read it, which is ok, I guess, since it's quiet. And I'm getting off track...

So I'm at the library and my phone rings. It's my brother. I just talked to him yesterday, so I know he's not calling to chat. He actually needs something and I need to answer the phone.

If I need two cloves of garlic and I buy this little bulb, how do I know how much a clove is?

I whisper an answer and say goodbye. But the phone rings again after three minutes:

Where would I find something called "orange zest"?

I chuckle and move to the copier room where I can talk to him without being rude. I explain orange zest—not an easy thing—then I hang up and go back to my reading. Twenty minutes later:

This says 1 tablespoon of oil and then underneath it says "salt and freshly ground pepper". Does that mean a tablespoon of each of those too?

Oh dear. I explain and hang up. But he calls back again in a few minutes:

This says to brown the pork on all sides and then transfer the pan to the oven. But how can I do that?

I am assuming he just glossed over the part in the recipe that said "cast-iron skillet". At least he realized that his frying pan probably wasn't a good candidate for the oven.

But how cute is he? He was (is, I guess) trying to cook dinner for his girlfriend but doesn't know the first thing about how a recipe works! I thought it was charming. Like explaining football to your boyfriend who just can't figure out what a first down is.