Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. —Henry Fielding

23 May 2004


We were supposed to have the bulk of our Shrew-ish auditions today from noon to 6:00p.  Not so.  We ended up seeing only like fifteen people.  Boo.  I called back 6 or 7 of them.  Grr.  Some of them were really crap.  Some were okay... like normal auditions, I guess.  But it was a lot of time in Long Beach for so few people.

came down for moral support and for that I was very grateful.  But we mostly just sat around while very few people auditioned.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to see at least 30 people in 3 hours.  That's twice the folks in half the amount of time I had today.  I hope it goes okay.  I am just really anxious about the number of men I'm gonna get.  I have seen two cast-able guys and that means I am hurting for males.  Plus my friend's little brother, who would have made a great Grumio, bailed on me.  Fuck fuck fuck.  I hope hope hope we see boys tomorrow.  If not I am so screwed.

So I am really anxious after this first day.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

After the auditions I went to Diamond Bar and saw all of my group of friends, most of whom I haven't seen in like two weeks.  I was so grateful for them all.  I should call my friend Maddie.  I miss her.

Papa, can you hear me?
Papa, can you see me?
Papa, can you find me in the night?
Papa, are you near me?
Papa, can you hear me?
Papa, can you help me not be frightened?
Looking at the skies I seem to see a million eyes; which ones are yours?
Where are you now that yesterday has waved goodbye and closed its doors?
The night is so much darker.
The wind is so much colder.
The world I see is so much bigger now that I’m alone.
Papa, please forgive me.
Try to understand me.
Papa, don’t you know I had no choice?
Can you hear me praying, anything I’m saying,
Even though the night is filled with voices?
I remember everything you taught me—every book I’ve ever read.
Can all the words in all the books help me to face what lies ahead?
The trees are so much taller and I feel so much smaller.
The moon is twice as lonely and the stars are half as bright.
Papa, how I love you.
Papa, how I need you.
Papa, how I miss you kissing me goodnight.