I See Loud People

Watched Chung King Express tonight. I FUCKING LOVE WONG KAR-WAI. Plus, this one starred (at least for half of the film) Takeshi Kaneshiro... most gorgeous guy ever. It's okay that he goes away after half of the film because Tony Leung is the star of part two.

I worked late tonight and then I decided to go read a play at CPK. I have been reading some Adam Rapp. I finished his play Stone Cold Dead Serious a couple days ago and it absolutely rocks. So I am reading the next one in this anthology. It's called Faster. It's really fucking good too. Allan, you would love these plays.

I finished my salad and diet pepsi (I'm trying to do better, again) and decided to go buy a copy of As You Like It. Linda is talking to me again about doing Shakespeare in the summer and she brought up AYLI. I have (oops) never read it, so I need to bone up, I guess. I also nearly ran into (literally) Haley Joel Osment, who looks a lot better since the last time I saw him. Read: his face has cleared up.

Actually, let me tell the full story. I'm eating my salad at the bar at CPK because the place is absolutely packed, and about twenty feet from the bar are two tables filled with (I assume) high school students, but they might have been college freshmen. For some reason, most of them are wearing odd outfits. One of them is wearing Mickey Mouse ears and those enormous Mickey Mouse gloves, for example. Another is wearing a paper bag on his head decorated to be a rocking horse head. I swear this happened. Another is in house slippers. When I get up to leave, they are also leaving. I leave the restaurant alone and go around the corner to the elevator which will take me one floor down to the parking structure. I wait for the elevator in solitude for a minute or so when I am joined by a moderately pretty, rather pouty Filipino or Mexican woman. She does not smile at me but waits for the elevator. After another thirty seconds or so we are joined by the twenty teenagers from CPK who are being as loud as anyone has ever been in the history of Earth: talking, joking, laughing--mostly yelling, I feel. When the elevator comes to our floor, about ten people get off the elevator and the kids start to get in before me and Filipino/Mexican chick, so I move into the elevator in their midst and F/M chick follows suit. The kids, however, do not stop filling the elevator and so we all squeeze into the elevator: about twenty-two of us. The kids' volume has in no way lessened during this process or in the ensuing ride down to the parking garage. This one girl in particular is screaming in my ear to her companions that they "are not the only ones in the elevator," and that her comrades ought to be considerate of the strangers in their midst. I begin to chuckle at this. In fact, the whole thing amused me, beginning with the sardine-packed elevator. I thought it was very funny and I was grinning the whole time girl #1 was yelling in my ear about her friends' manners. So when the elevator door opens and I am let out I am still grinning and before I realize I am talking to/looking at Haley Joel Osment, I say with a grin on my face "Little kids" and shake my head. Haley is smiling too and is dressed in a suit coat for some reason or other. I think he joined up with the kids, and now that I think about it, he may have been in their company the whole time without me noticing. He is rather short, after all.

Running into Fish

The president of my Homeowner's Association is fucking hot.  Seriously.  We have done some flirting in the past, and so I know there's a bit of tension normally, but yesterday was a misstep.

I was on my way to Target, and I was slumming it.  I looked like an overweight Abercrombie model who hadn't shaved: this look is best described as frat-party-morning-after chic.  I'm riding down our elevator and hoping (while not hoping at the same time) to run into Dean.  So I'm leaning against the inside of the elevator and as the elevator door opens on the parking level, I see Dean.  He has his back to me, posting some sort of notice on the bulletin board.  He's wearing these shorts and some trackers and looks damn good.  But he's standing barely four to five feet from me, so we're quite close and as the door opens he turns his head to see who is coming out of the elevator.  I'm still leaning on the wall in the elevator, but when I see Dean and our eyes meet ever so slightly, I move from my position of repose against the wall and open my mouth to say "Hey, Dean" or something flirtier like "Hello, gorgeous," or "What's up big boy?" or "Nice ass, cowboy."  But just as I open my mouth, this woman we both know walks in from the garage and says "Hello!"  She is bustling in and appears to be in a hurry.  I respond immediately with a "hi" to this woman.  It's all rather cramped, really, in this part of the lobby, and she walks (with her bags) between me and Dean and into the elevator.  I have to let her pass and then exit to the garage.  There's no other way.  I say nothing to Dean and he says nothing to me, but the look lingered.  It hung in the air like a memory.

It's too bad I looked like shit.  Oh well.

Then at the Target in Pasadena I almost (quite literally) ran into Derek Luke.  He's fairly short.  I know they tell us that all celebrities are short, but I am always surprised to see how short they really are.  He sure as Hell isn't 5'11" like his bio says.

Kevin Spacey

This is my bitch entry for the week...

Okay, this is what I hear:

On 4/19/04: Hollywood star Kevin Spacey has been brutally mugged in a London park. The Oscar-winner told police he was attacked and his mobile phone was stolen while he walked his dog in south London's Geraldine Mary Harmsworth Park at 4.30am on Saturday. But Spacey - who was treated in hospital for a minor head injury - stunned police by returning to the station where he reported the crime, to withdraw his claim. A Scotland Yard spokesperson says, "He had a head injury and said he'd been robbed of his phone. But he returned and withdrew the theft allegation. As far as police are concerned, there's no crime to investigate."

Then we hear on 4/20/04: Spacey appeared on BBC Radio 4's respected Today show Monday morning to explain the bizarre series of events. He reveals, "I fell for a con and I was, I think, incredibly embarrassed by it. Some sob story about someone needing to call their mother and could they use my phone. It was such a good con that I actually dialed the number myself, and then when someone answered I finally handed my phone over, and this kid took off and I ran after him and it was 4am and I tripped up over my dog and I ended up falling onto the street and hitting myself in the head." The Oscar-winner was so angry and humiliated at the time of the crime, he went to the police. Only after he calmed down, Spacey returned to the station to admit he hadn't been attacked. Spacey says, "I'm extremely upset. I feel like the biggest fool that's ever lived. I march over to the police station and I say I got mugged and I'm thinking that they're gonna run out and find this kid a block later, and of course they take me to the hospital and they were very kind and that's one of the reasons I went back on Saturday morning to the police station. I woke up after a couple of hours' sleep and I thought, you know, there's a difference between assault and theft and it just wasn't on for me to not come clean about my own level of embarrassment, and being humble at the fact that I got taken by the oldest con going. But it probably was good that I got bonked on the head because I obviously wasn't thinking."

Now he's joking that David Beckham paid Spacey to take him off the front page of the papers for a day or two.  Ha.    Ha.

Now, I am not a suspicious person, and I don't usually read tabloid reports (the British press seems to be even worse than the Stateside press), but I have a few questions about this silliness.

First off, let's just stop right here: Why was the man in a dark park at 4am?!?!?  If he would just come out already, he wouldn't have to cruise public places for sex... he could actually try dating someone.  I mean, who is he kidding?