Oscar Nominations 2023: 1 of 9

Every year I post about each of the films nominated for Oscars—this year there are 38 features plus 15 short films. Usually, I see all of them except for the documentaries (I am just not that interested in documentary film; I'm not sure why), but this year I'm also going to do myself a favor and skip the live-action short films. As a group they tend to be terrible every single year, and then for some reason the worst one usually manages to win. 

This year there is a lot for me to appreciate; many of my favorite films of the year got at least one nomination (Oppenheimer, Past Lives, American Fiction, Anatomy of a Fall). I am not sure I understand the incredible amount of love the Academy has for what I thought were total snooze-fests (Killers of the Flower Moon and Poor Things), but who knows; other people have different tastes than I do. 

I guess it's worth saying one more thing about Barbie, since that movie is taking up most of the social media oxygen at the moment. I'll just say one thing flatly: if you seriously think Barbie missed out on a Best Director nomination, it is my humble opinion that you need to see more movies. Is it true that more women should be nominated for Best Director? It absolutely is. But it's not the director of Barbie who was overlooked in this category: it was Carla Simón, Erige Sehiri, Chie Hayakawa, Léa Mysius, Manuela Martelli, and especially Celine Song. Each of these women made amazing movies this year, and the only reason we're not talking about them is that our own viewing preferences skew white and corporate and American, and not enough people have seen their movies. I would encourage everyone to watch more films directed by women. There were many great ones this year, especially: my top 11 for 2023 includes 6 films directed by women.

That's just what I liked, though. The more complicated issue is how nominees are selected in the first place. Each voter selects five names. But only one of those names gets a vote. So let's say my top 5 directors were Cord Jefferson, Justine Triet, Christopher Nolan, Celine Song, and Carla Simón. That would be my list this year, but then I'd need to rank them. If I rank them (1) Simón, (2) Triet, (3) Song, (4) Jefferson, and (5) Nolan, then my vote would end up counting for Justine Triet and no one else. Here is why: the way they count the votes is to stack them all by who you vote for #1. My vote for Carla Simón would have been eliminated after the first round because she didn't get enough number 1 votes; then my vote would have been moved to the Triet pile, which just got bigger. And now my vote doesn't count at all for any of the names that are lower on my list. This means that the ranking actually matters during the vote, and names at the top matter way more. What happened with Barbie, then, is that not enough of the voters in the Directing branch put Gerwig at the top of their ballots. Which, I think, makes sense. The directing isn't what is most sensational about Barbie.

The problem for me every year is that the Academy concentrates their nominations on 5 or 6 movies and don't see more movies or spread the wealth better. This is, I think, the exact opposite issue from the complaint that Barbie only got 8 nominations instead of 10. I would have preferred fewer nominations for Barbie and more solo call-outs for excellent work in only one category, like the wonderful lone nomination for El Conde's cinematography! Nominations like that show that that branch is actually watching things (unlike this year's production design and costume design nominations – which are identical: zzzz). 

I will go film by film discussing each movie individually rather than discussing categories, beginning with the movies most beloved by the Academy this year. If the nominee has been nominated for Oscars previously, they will be listed next to their name in parentheses). This year's nominees:

Oppenheimer

13 nominations

• Picture
• Director: Christopher Nolan (Dunkirk)
• Actor: Cillian Murphy
• Adapted Screenplay: Christopher Nolan (Inception, Memento)
• Supporting Actor: Robert Downey Jr. (Tropic Thunder, Chaplin)
• Supporting Actress: Emily Blunt
• Film Editing: Jennifer Lame
• Cinematography: Hoyte van Hoytema (Dunkirk)
• Production Design: Ruth De Jong & Claire Kaufman
• Original Score: Ludwig Göransson (Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, Black Panther)
• Costume Design: Ellen Mirojnick
• Sound
• Makeup & Hairstyling

Director: Nolan

Cast: Murphy, Blunt, Downey, Alden Ehrenreich, Florence Pugh, Benny Safdie, Tom Conti, Matt Damon, Jason Clarke, Josh Hartnett, David Krumholtz, Trond Fausa, Casey Affleck, Rami Malek

I loved this. I saw it in IMAX with what appeared to be everyone in the Physics department at FSU. The acting is wonderful, and I loved the usual Christopher Nolan time puzzle. I have complained for a long time that Nolan's movies are soulless, and I rather expected this one to be that too, but it isn't. I was very moved by it, and found the whole thing fascinating. In fact, I've been loving Christopher Nolan's movies lately. I even loved Tenet. My favorite performances in Oppenheimer were Emily Blunt, Alden Ehrenreich, Trond Fausa, Benny Safdie, and Cillian Murphy, but I think just the amazing list of actors in this pushes Oppenheimer over the edge. It's an actor-fest, a marvel of technical work, and the script is great. I expect this to win a lot of Oscars. I think it's hard to be mad about this, too. Nolan has never won Best Director (it's only his second nomination!) and Cillian Murphy has never been nominated, let alone won. If you look at the list of contributors above, you'll see that this is the first nomination for almost everyone, so giving them Oscars is exciting. It's not like this is the Scorsese team, who have all been nominated 10 times apiece and already have 2 statues at home. These women and men are a new generation of filmmakers who the Academy has never honored before.

Will win: Picture, Director, Actor, Supporting Actor, Film Editing, Cinematography

Could win: Adapted Screenplay, Production Design, Original Score, Sound, Makeup & Hairstyling

My rating: #2 out of 71

Poor Things

11 nominations

• Picture
• Director: Yorgos Lanthimos (The Favourite)
• Actress: Emma Stone (The Favourite, La La Land, Birdman or (the Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance))
• Adapted Screenplay: Tony McNamara (The Favourite)
• Supporting Actor: Mark Ruffalo (Spotlight, Foxcatcher, The Kids Are All Right)
• Film Editing: Yorgos Mavropsaridis (The Favourite)
• Cinematography: Robbie Ryan (The Favourite)
• Production Design: Shona Heath & Zsuzsa Mihalek & James Price
• Original Score: Jerskin Fendrix
• Costume Design: Holly Waddington
• Makeup & Hairstyling

Director: Lanthimos

Cast: Stone, Ruffalo, Willem Dafoe, Ramy Youssef, Kathryn Hunter, Christopher Abbot, Jerrod Carmichael, Hanna Schygulla, Suzy Bemba, Vicki Pepperdine

I found this movie boring, and all of the awards love it has received is baffling to me. I found the performances in this weird and not very honest, and I think, weirdly, that Stone and Ruffalo were two of the people I liked least – the worst performance was definitely Jerrod Carmichael's. But hey, whatever, people like things that I don't like, and that's how it goes. I really hope I like Lanthimos's next movie better, because I actually do like his work, including the last movie of his that the Academy loved, The Favourite. Still, expect this to win a few Oscars below the line on March 10th, and actually... Emma Stone could win another Oscar. There seems to be a lot of love for her around, so if people decide to vote against the Lily Gladstone avalanche, they'll vote for Stone.

Will win: Costume Design, Makeup & Hairstyling

Could win: Actress, Production Design

My rating: #60 out of 71

Killers of the Flower Moon

(𐓀𐒻͘𐓂͘𐓄𐒰 𐒹𐒿𐒰𐓆𐒼𐒰 𐓓𐒻͘𐒼𐒰 𐓊'𐒷𐓍𐒷)

10 nominations

• Picture
• Director: Martin Scorsese (The Irishman, The Wolf of Wall Street, Hugo, The Departed, The Aviator, Gangs of New York, GoodFellas, The Last Temptation of Christ, Raging Bull)
• Actress: Lily Gladstone
• Supporting Actor: Robert De Niro (Silver Linings Playbook, Cape Fear, Awakenings, Raging Bull, The Deer Hunter, Taxi Driver, The Godfather: Part II)
• Film Editing: Thelma Schoonmaker (The Irishman, Hugo, The Departed, The Aviator, Gangs of New York, GoodFellas, Raging Bull, Woodstock: 3 Days of Peace & Music)
• Cinematography: Rodrigo Prieto (The Irishman, Silence, Brokeback Mountain)
• Production Design: Jack Fisk (The Revenant, There Will Be Blood) & Adam Willis
• Original Score: Robbie Robertson
• Costume Design: Jacqueline West (Dune: Part One, The Revenant, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Quills)
• Original Song – "Wahzhazhe (A Song for My People)": Scott George

Director: Scorsese

Cast: Leonardo DiCaprio, Gladstone, De Niro, Jesse Plemons, Scott Shepherd, Tantoo Cardinal, Cara Jade Myers, JaNae Collins, Jillian Dion, John Lithgow, Tatanka Means, Everett Waller, Talee Redcorn, Yancey Red Corn, Jason Isbell, Brendan Fraser

This is another movie that did not work for me and that I thought was quite boring. This is a very frustrating film, and it drove me a little crazy. It's also a thousand years long, for reasons I don't really understand. But the real issue for me – and I've already said this, so I'm sorry for repeating myself – is that this film is only from the perspective of the Osage people at the very beginning and the very end. The remainder is a film made from the emotional and narrative perspective of people who tried to murder them. This is intensely frustrating, and it belies everything that Scorsese and everyone else involved with this movie said was supposed to be happening. (For example, we see the murder of Anna three separate times on screen in Flower Moon; not one of these is from her perspective. It's actually shocking when you think about it. We watch her murder three times from the point of view of her murderers??? What kind of ethical filmmaking choice is that?) This movie was the critical darling of the year, and I thought for a bit it would win the big award and maybe win everything else, too, but I think Killers of the Flower Moon is on the descent. Note its surprise omission from the Adapted Screenplay category! Even Lily Gladstone, who has been the presumptive Best Actress winner for months, may find herself in real competition with Emma Stone. I think Lily Gladstone is rather boring in this movie – the whole movie is boring; it's not her fault, really – but I will be happy for her to win. She's a cool woman, and she's been making good independent movies for years.

Will win: Actress, Original Score

Could win: Picture, Director, Production Design, Costume Design

My rating: #53 out of 71

Barbie

8 nominations

• Picture
• Adapted Screenplay: Greta Gerwig (Little Women, Lady Bird) & Noah Baumbach (Marriage Story, The Squid and the Whale)
• Supporting Actor: Ryan Gosling (La La Land, Half Nelson)
• Supporting Actress: America Ferrera
• Production Design: Sarah Greenwood (Darkest Hour, Beauty and the Beast, Anna Karenina, Sherlock Holmes, Atonement, Pride & Prejudice) & Katie Spencer (Darkest Hour, Beauty and the Beast, Anna Karenina, Sherlock Holmes, Atonement, Pride & Prejudice) 
• Costume Design: Jacqueline Durran (Cyrano, Little Women, Darkest Hour, Beauty and the Beast, Mr. Turner, Anna Karenina, Atonement, Pride & Prejudice) 
• Original Song – "I'm Just Ken": Mark Ronson (A Star Is Born) & Andrew Wyatt (A Star Is Born)
• Original Song – "What Was I Made For?": Billie Eilish (No Time to Die) & Finneas O'Connell (No Time to Die)

Director: Gerwig

Cast: Margot Robbie, Gosling, Ferrera, Kate McKinnon, Issa Rae, America Ferrera, Dua Lipa, Simu Liu, Alexandra Shipp, Emma Mackey, Kingsley Ben-Adir, Rhea Perlman, Will Ferrell, Helen Mirren, Ariana Greenblatt, Michael Cera

This is a very funny movie, and I had a great time at it. I still laugh once a week at Issa Rae's delivery of "Oh? Is this The GodFATHer?" I did think the movie didn't really stick its ending, though. I mean, why would anyone choose to be a real human person when one could be a doll and not have to work? No thanks. In many ways, the end of this movie felt to me like an apologia for mainstream culture, and that didn't sit well with me. In any case, the script (it's an original script, despite appearing in the adapted category) is great, and it was really excellent to see America Ferrera's surprise nomination. I'm so pleased about that. She's a jobbing actor who has been working hard for years – as long ago as Josefina López's Real Women Have Curves, the play. There's lots to be excited about here, and the Academy obviously loved this film. This and Oppenheimer and Mario Bros. and Dead Reckoning Part One really saved the box office receipts this year, too, so it deserves props for that as well (even though Mario and Dead Reckoning did not receive any similar affection from the Academy). One more thing: I think the backlash related to Barbie missing out on Best Director and Best Actress nominations may translate into more wins on March 10th, so I expect it to take home a couple more than I would have predicted if this movie had ended up with 10 nominations instead of 8.

Will win: Adapted Screenplay, Production Design, Song

Could win: Picture, Costume Design

My rating: #23 out of 71

Maestro

8 nominations

• Picture
• Actor: Bradley Cooper (A Star Is Born, American Sniper, American Hustle, Silver Linings Playbook)
• Actress: Carey Mulligan (Promising Young Woman, An Education)
• Original Screenplay: Bradley Cooper (A Star Is Born) & Josh Singer (Spotlight)
• Cinematography: Matthew Libatique (A Star Is Born, Black Swan)
  
• Sound
• Makeup & Hairstyling

Director: Cooper

Cast: Cooper, Mulligan, Matt Bomer, Vincenzo Amato, Sarah Silverman, Maya Hawke, Michael Urie, Sam Nivola, Alexa Swinton, Miriam Shor

This is a very good movie that I think is a little tough to love, and so it isn't much of a surprise to me that people liked it less than (I feel like) they ought to have. There's a way, too, that the movie is very hard on Leonard Bernstein, a man beloved by many in Hollywood, despite the way the movie actually adores him and sympathizes with him. I've already written about how well I think Cooper did with this and how fucking great Carey Mulligan is, so I won't say any more about that. But... I don't think this will be winning any Oscars on March 10th. 7 nominations is a lot, so the Academy definitely respects it, but it's not taking home any gold. The only real category it could win in – Makeup – has really polarized people. The other day one of my students told me he couldn't take the movie seriously because the makeup was too silly (!). I really liked this movie, though, and I think it deserves its nominations and maybe more.

Will win: N/A

Could win: Makeup & Hairstyling

My rating: #17 out of 71

More posts coming soon:

2. Anatomy of a Fall, The Zone of Interest, The Holdovers, American Fiction

3. Napoleon, Past Lives, Society of the Snow, Nyad

4. Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One, The Creator, Rustin, May December

5. The Color Purple, El Conde, Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

6. Animated Features

7. Godzilla Minus One, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3, Golda, American Symphony, Flamin' Hot

8. Animated Short Films

9. Perfect Days, The Teachers' Lounge, Io Capitano

Tenet

Listen, I know Nolan is soulless. I don't think this movie has any more soul than any of his other movies, but Nolan's awkward attempts at interiority seem to matter less in Tenet, and I liked it all the more. 

To be honest, I loved this. I haven't had this much fun at a movie in ages. It's a total and complete blast. It doesn't make a lick of sense, and I'm not going to bother to worry about the way the science of time travel works for one bit. This is a delightful and fun thriller, and I enjoyed myself thoroughly. John David Washington is great. Robert Pattinson is great. Elizabeth Debicki is great. Aaron Taylor Johnson is great. Dimple Kapadia is great. The whole cast is excellent.

Oscar Nominations 2018: Part 1 of 12

Oscar nominations are here! Actually, they came out last week.

Every year I post about each of the films nominated for Oscars (this year there are 39 + 10 short films). I see all of them except for the documentaries (I am just not that interested in documentary film; I'm not sure why).

As always, a large number of the films in my own top 10 for the year were passed over (A Ghost Story, Frantz, Lady Macbeth, Raw), but some of them scored a nomination or two (Coco, The Square, Loveless), and three were nominated for Best Picture (Dunkirk, Phantom Thread, Call Me by Your Name). In other words, as there is every year, there is a lot for me to appreciate here, even if I am more impatient with the Academy's choices this year than usual.

My main complaint – and I am sure this will come up in my commentary in the following weeks – is that Academy voters (and guild voters, too) just don't see enough movies, especially films from other countries. A slate of nominees like the International Cinephile Society's list for 2018 is way better than the one that Oscar made. And I honestly think it's just that the voters in the ICS just see more movies. But I am done expecting the Academy to vote for really really good stuff. They will always skew toward the mediocre, I think. And that is just how it goes.

As usual with these posts, I will go film by film discussing each movie individually rather than discussing categories, beginning with the movies most beloved by the Academy this year. If the nominee has been nominated for Oscars previously, he or she will be listed next to his/her name in parentheses).

This year's nominees:

The Shape of Water

13 Nominations

• Picture
• Director: Guillermo del Toro
• Actress: Sally Hawkins (Blue Jasmine)
• Original Screenplay: Guillermo del Toro (El Laberinto del Fauno (Pan's Labyrinth)) & Vanessa Taylor
• Supporting Actor: Richard Jenkins (The Visitor)
• Supporting Actress: Octavia Spencer (Hidden Figures, The Help)
  
• Film Editing: Sidney Wolinsky
• Cinematography: Dan Laustsen
• Production Design: Paul Denham Austerberry & Jeff Melvin & Shane Vieau
• Score: Alexandre Desplat (The Imitation Game, The Grand Budapest Hotel, Philomena, Argo, The King's Speech, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, The Queen)
  
• Costume Design: Luis Sequeira
• Sound Mixing
• Sound Editing

Director: Del Toro

Cast: Hawkins, Michael Shannon, Doug Jones, Jenkins, Spencer, Michael Stuhlbarg, Nick Searcy, David Hewlett, Martin Roach, Morgan Kelly, Nigel Bennett

Well this is obviously the frontrunner, and I think everyone expected that it would be the frontrunner. In many ways, I have to concur with a large number of these nominations; as I said in my own review of this, for me, the design elements – the score, the production design, the costumes, the cinematography – took over the film, turning what might have been a Del Toro picture into something other than the monster movie I wanted it to be. (I love monster movies. Why can't this be one?) At first I was sort of annoyed that this got so many nominations, but looking at the list above, what you can see is that almost all of the nominees are first-time nominees. This makes me think of The Shape of Water as a little bit of an underdog, and it makes me happy for everyone nominated. No matter, everyone loves this movie, and it is going to take home its share of little gold dudes on the first Sunday of March. But not too many.

Will Win: Picture, Director, Production Design

Could Win: Original Screenplay, Film Editing, Cinematography, Score, Costume Design

My Rating: #32 out of 76

Dunkirk

8 Nominations

• Picture
• Director: Christopher Nolan
• Film Editing: Lee Smith (The Dark Knight, Master and Commander: the Far Side of the World)
• Cinematography: Hoyte van Hoytema
• Production Design: Nathan Crowley (Interstellar, The Dark Knight, The Prestige) & Gary Fettis (Interstellar, Changeling, The Godfather: Part III)
• Score: Hans Zimmer (Interstellar, Inception, Sherlock Holmes, Gladiator, The Thin Red Line, The Prince of Egypt, As Good as It Gets, The Preacher's Wife, The Lion King, Rain Man)
• Sound Mixing
• Sound Editing

Director: Nolan

Cast: Fionn Whitehead, Harry Styles, Tom Hardy, Mark Rylance, Cillian Murphy, Tom Glynn-Carney, Barry Keoghan, Damien Bonnard, Jack Lowden, Kenneth Branagh, James D'Arcy

I loved this movie. I do not normally care for Christopher Nolan movies – I tend to find them soulless and machine-like – but this film always chooses people over strategy, and I can't say enough good things about it. In the first place, Dunkirk is a gorgeous technical achievement. It follows three plots at three different time schemes (it wouldn't be a Nolan movie without a puzzle), and each of these plots is emotionally wrenching, powerful stuff. I was especially moved by the sequences in the boat with Mark Rylance, but each of the plots is great and each allows us to look differently at the others. What is especially wonderful about this film is the way that it gives us the story of Dunkirk from the perspective of those who lived through it on the mole (and in the air, and in the water). Darkest Hour, for example, gives us a story of Churchill and the political and military moves that Dunkirk represented for the British. But Dunkirk isn't interested in backroom politics or Hitler or even what the war might mean for the world. This film focuses on what it means to the young men who fought and lost their lives. It's deeply moving and it is, I think, Nolan's best film to date. I hope he keeps making movies like this one. The Academy does not usually like Nolan, and his nomination is a little bit of a surprise here. Expect Dunkirk to win in lots of technical categories.

Will Win: Film Editing, Sound Mixing, Sound Editing

Could Win: Cinematography
My Rating: #4 out of 76

Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri

7 Nominations

• Picture
• Actress: Frances McDormand (North Country, Almost Famous, Fargo, Mississippi Burning)
• Original Screenplay: Martin McDonagh (In Bruges)
  
• Supporting Actor: Woody Harrelson (The Messenger, The People vs. Larry Flynt)
• Supporting Actor: Sam Rockwell
• Film Editing: Jon Gregory
• Score: Carter Burwell (Carol)

Director: McDonagh

Cast: McDormand, Harrelson, Rockwell, Abbie Cornish, Lucas Hedges, John Hawkes, Peter Dinklage, Caleb Landry-Jones, Sandy Martin, Samara Weaving, Clarke Peters, Željko Ivanek, Amanda Warren

Well, this was the frontrunner for a while – the surprise frontrunner – and so it has gotten its share of backlash. I honestly can't fault too much of this backlash; the film is a very strange movie, and in its sentimentality, it throws forgiveness around a bit too easily perhaps. I really liked it on its own terms – I even liked it more than Shape of Water – but, then, I don't normally like McDonagh's work, so I am probably not liking it for the same reasons McDonagh fans like it. I guess the question now is: Can Three Billboards sustain its momentum through the end of February and pick up a ton of awards? This seems likely to a point. I expect it to win the two acting awards it has been winning (McDormand and Rockwell), and it managed to get a nomination from the film editors, too (seriously, guys???), but a lack of a Best Director nomination for McDonagh here (he didn't deserve one) seems to indicate that at least one branch of the Academy would rather give their top prize to Get Out or Lady Bird or Phantom Thread than to Three Billboards. Can't say I blame them.
Will Win: Actress, Original Screenplay, Supporting Actor

Could Win: Picture

My Rating: #25 out of 76

Phantom Thread

6 Nominations

• Picture
• Director: Paul Thomas Anderson (There Will Be Blood)
  
• Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis (Lincoln, There Will Be Blood, Gangs of New York, In the Name of the Father, My Left Foot)
  
• Supporting Actress: Lesley Manville
• Score: Jonny Greenwood 
• Costume Design: Mark Bridges (Inherent Vice, The Artist)

Director: Anderson

Cast: Day-Lewis, Vicky Krieps, Manville, Gina McKee, Brian Gleeson, Jane Perry, Harriet Sansom Harris

Love love love! And what a surprise that this got six nominations! I don't think anyone was expecting this, especially that Best Director nod. It is well deserved, and I am delighted that this has happened. This is one of my favorite films of the year. It's strange and creepy and a little bit sick, but it's also about the unicity of a particular relationship – how it might work to love someone who is very, very difficult. It's gorgeously made, of course, as PTA's films usually are. This is a film much closer in spirit to The Master and There Will Be Blood than to Inherent Vice or Boogie Nights. Other important surprises: the music branch finally nominated Jonny Greenwood for original score. His score for Phantom Thread is the most beautiful he has yet conceived: it's lush and beautiful and haunting and rich, and I've been listening to it for weeks. I think it is the best score of the year, and I also think it will win. Can Mark Bridges also win? That seems possible. The costumes here are high couture, and the Academy has had a preference for that lately. Perhaps the biggest, most welcome, surprise, though, is the nomination for Lesley Manville, who is a standout as Day-Lewis's sister. She was passed over for a nomination a couple years ago for the Mike Leigh film Another Year (the Academy ought to be embarrassed – and they ought to see more movies), but this is some kind of redemption. I will be happy with any and every Oscar this film takes home.

Will Win: Score, Costume Design

Could Win: Supporting Actress
My Rating: #8 out of 76

Androids Dreaming of Electric Dads

Blade Runner 2049 is a long film. That is probably the first thing you ought to know about it. It clocks in at a totally unnecessary 2 hours 45 minutes. This movie is taking its time doing what it wants to do.

The next thing – and you already know this – is that the film is visually stunning. Its production design, costume design, cinematography, and visual effects are all award-worthy, awesome achievements. It just looks so good. The photography and lighting, honestly, are even better in the movie than you can tell from the trailer. There are sequences that are absolutely visually breathtaking.

And God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her and opened her womb. –Genesis 30.22

But Blade Runner 2049 is a self-important, pretentious movie, that expects its audience to do a lot of intellectual labor. It doesn't clearly articulate the ethical questions at the center of its filmic puzzle, either, so that if the characters are thinking through questions of right and wrong, or if they're making bold decisions that contradict their programming or their caste in society, we don't really have much access to the thought processes (or perhaps software processes) that lead to those decisions. In short, the movie doesn't really let us in to the characters. Even if I loved Ryan Gosling's character K, I only rarely felt like I understood the conundrums with which he was struggling. (Robin Wright and Carla Juri's characters are notable exceptions to this.)

More than that, the film's characters are obsessed with, and long for, natural things like wood, water, air, and animal life. But Blade Runner 2049 doesn't make this clear enough, and the audience never shares the characters' wonder at the real. So things that seem wonderful or awesome to these people in 2049 are completely ordinary to the film's viewers. And how could they be anything else? Blade Runner 2049 doesn't spend enough time setting up the world for us; it avoids allowing us into how the characters feel about the slum slash police state in which they live.

The King

There is a famous robot play by Karel Čapek – the man who invented the word robot – called R.U.R. or Rossum's Universal Robots. This is also an overly long story, and it aims at questions similar to Blade Runner 2049: viz. What if robots could reproduce? What might it mean for two androids to have a child? R.U.R. is mostly a problem play, and it spends its time talking us through the various ethical and emotional questions involved in having robots working as slaves (the word robot in fact means slave). In other words, there is much to discuss and therefore much time is needed for the play to do what it wants to do. Blade Runner 2049, by contrast, squanders its time, seemingly extending every sequence by at least 45 seconds so that the camera can drink up more of the gorgeous production design. This makes for a ponderous film that is nearly emotionally empty. (A part of this is due to having Ryan Gosling as the lead. He goes for stoic and silent in these kinds of roles – an obvious heir to Harrison Ford's famous sullenness – but this film needed emotional vulnerability in order to stop itself from being one of Christopher Nolan's soulless adventures.)

But it is visually and aurally stunning, and now that I've laid out all of my problems with the movie, all of the reasons that I know the film is not great, I can't say that I cared very much about any of these objections. I really liked Blade Runner 2049. Do I wish Villeneuve had made a better movie? I do. But I was delighted, astounded, even shocked by this one. Roger Deakins' cinematography feels completely fresh in every sequence. The neon-red-on-one-side-neon-blue-on-the-other-side visual that you can see in seemingly every movie – and about which I have complained before – never happens in Blade Runner 2049 even if it is used on the poster. Instead, Deakins' use of color feels inventive, novel, even revelatory. Now, one might easily object: but in service of what, exactly? and this objection would make sense, but for me these images were actually enough. They evoked plenty of emotion for me as colors and light: It was like staring at a Mark Rothko or a James Turrell or a Doug Wheeler.

So, I guess I can't really recommend Blade Runner 2049. If I really liked it, I know that I liked it for very specific reasons. I expect that for most people, this film's self-importance and pretenses will weigh more heavily against it, and those people are – sigh – probably right.

Oscar Nominees 2015: Part 3 of 12

Part 1.
Part 2.
Part 3 of 12:

Interstellar

5 Nominations

• Original Score: Hans Zimmer (Inception, Sherlock Holmes, Gladiator, The Thin Red Line, The Prince of Egypt, As Good as It Gets, The Preacher's Wife, The Lion King, Rain Man)
• Production Design: Nathan Crowley (The Dark Knight, The Prestige) & Gary Fettis (Changeling, The Godfather: Part III)
• Visual Effects
• Sound Mixing
• Sound Editing

Director: Christopher Nolan

Cast: Matthew McConaughey, Jessica Chastain, Anne Hathaway, John Lithgow, Mackenzie Foy, Michael Caine, David Gyasi, Casey Affleck, Topher Grace, Matt Damon, Ellen Burstyn

Ok, so I wasn't the biggest fan of this when I first saw it. (It's a time-travel movie, but it swears it's all about love.) But it's grown on me since then, and I keep ranking other things below it, because Interstellar was pretty to look at, even if so much of it was silly and half baked. Hans Zimmer's score, it should also be noted, is my favorite of this year's nominees. It won't win, but I find myself listening to it at work. It's very, very good; one of my favorite Zimmer scores in recent years, and one of this year's best. The effects, too, are top notch, and I expect them to go home with the Oscar.

Will Win: Visual Effects

Could Win: Sound Mixing, Sound Editing

My Rating: #47 out of 74

Mr. Turner

4 Nominations

• Cinematography: Dick Pope (The Illusionist)
• Original Score: Gary Yershon
• Production Design: Suzie Davies & Charlotte Watts
• Costume Design: Jacqueline Durran (Anna Karenina, Atonement, Pride & Prejudice)

Director: Mike Leigh

Cast: Timothy Spall, Marion Bailey, Paul Jesson, Dorothy Atkinson, Joshua McGuire, Karl Johnson, Lesley Manville, Martin Savage, Jamie Thomas King, Karina Fernandez

#dickpoop started trending on Twitter after Academy President Cheryl Boone Isaacs mispronounced his name on nomination morning. Oops. Honestly, I loved Mr. Turner and it's in my top ten, but four nominations is a lot for a film that is as difficult to love as this one is. I am surprised it did so well with the Academy. I find Gary Yershon's nomination to be especially surprising, given his score's simplicity and the relative lack of publicity that this film got. But unlike films that were latecomers to the game this year (Selma, Cake, A Most Violent Year), Mike Leigh's movie played at Telluride and had lots and lots of time to sink in with voters, steadily gaining positive buzz from critics throughout the fall. Mr. Turner probably won't take home any statues, but I am delighted that a movie I loved this much got so many nominations.
Will Win: N/A

Could Win: Costume Design

My Rating: #10 out of 74

Into the Woods

3 Nominations

• Supporting Actress: Meryl Streep (August: Osage County, The Iron Lady, Julie & Julia, Doubt, The Devil Wears Prada, Adaptation., Music of the Heart, One True Thing, The Bridges of Madison County, Postcards from the Edge, A Cry in the Dark, Ironweed, Out of Africa, Silkwood, Sophie's Choice, The French Lieutenant's Woman, Kramer vs. Kramer, The Deer Hunter)
• Production Design: Dennis Gassner (The Golden Compass, Road to Perdition, Bugsy, Barton Fink) & Anna Pinnock (The Grand Budapest Hotel, Life of Pi, The Golden Compass, Gosford Park)
• Costume Design: Colleen Atwood (Snow White and the Huntsman, Alice in Wonderland, Nine, Sweeney Todd: the Demon Barber of Fleet Street, Memoirs of a Geisha, Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, Chicago, Sleepy Hollow, Beloved, Little Women)

Director: Rob Marshall

Cast: Emily Blunt, James Corden, Meryl Streep, Anna Kendrick, Daniel Huttlestone, Chris Pine, Lilla Crawford, Christine Baranski, Tracey Ullman, Johnny Depp, Billy Magnussen

When you look above at this list of nominations, you'll see that each of Into the Woods's four nominees has already been nominated multiple times. This is a big studio picture, and the studio paid a lot of money to hire all the best people. They did, and four of those people wound up with Oscar nominations because they are all excellent, well-known artists. But Into the Woods is a phone-in job for all four of them, as well as for most of the rest of the team on this movie. It's a lazy, boring, joyless adaptation of the stage show that is, in fact, never more than a filmed stage version of the show itself. In writing this post, I kept trying to find an image from the film that wasn't the same tired sound stage that served as the backdrop for most of this movie's scenes; they just aren't out there, though. Most of this film took place in what is, for all intents and purposes, the exact same location. As for Meryl Streep, she basically acts as though she is in a completely different movie than the rest of the cast of Into the Woods; the whole performance feels a little off kilter. I know the Academy loves her, but she doesn't need to get nominated every single year, does she?
Will Win: N/A

Could Win: N/A

My Rating: #68 out of 74

Unbroken

3 Nominations

• Cinematography: Roger Deakins (Prisoners, Skyfall, True Grit, The Reader, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, No Country for Old Men, The Man Who Wasn't There, O Brother, Where Art Thou?, Kundun, Fargo, The Shawshank Redemption)
• Sound Mixing
• Sound Editing

Director: Angelina Jolie

Cast: Jack O'Connell, Ishihara Takamasa, Garrett Hedlund, Domhnall Gleeson, Finn Wittrock, Jai Courtney, C.J. Valleroy, Alex Russell, Maddalena Ischiale, Vincenzo Amato

Honestly, it is time for Roger Deakins finally to win an Oscar. Look at that list up there! He has shot some gorgeous, gorgeous films and never won. He ain't gonna win this year, either. Jolie's film was not widely loved by the Academy, and it is a little bit of a mystery to me as to why this was so. Was it too obviously Oscar-bait for them? Did it not make them feel good enough about themselves? Was it too ethnic (Italian)? Was it that it was a WWII movie about the Pacific theatre instead of the European theatre? Who knows. In any case, the Academy just didn't go for it, and they aren't going to go for it on the big night either. I should also note my own frustration, here, that this year's very, very good war movie – Fury, which boasted excellent performances, great art direction, awesome sound mixing and editing, a great script, and realistic violence – is nowhere to be found among the nominees despite its being far superior to any of the other war movies this year.
Will Win: N/A
Could Win: N/A
My Rating: #54 out of 74

Love and Snipers

Katie: This was better than Interstellar, at least.

Me: No way. Interstellar had way more redeeming qualities than this.

Katie: Like... love?

Me: Hahahaha.

(That Anne Hathaway speech has scarred us all.)

Interstellar

I usually avoid writing about Christopher Nolan's movies on Tea to Pour. This is because I only ever like them, and everyone else loves them. In fact, I loved Batman Begins and I was super into The Prestige, so let me admit that from the start. I should also note that I heavily criticized Nolan's last movie, the Zack Snyder Superman reboot Man of Steel. In any case, I still get excited about Nolan's movies. They're action-packed and often challenging in a brain-bending kind of way, and they always look really pretty.

My friend Justin once called Inception soulless, and I agreed with him then, but I still see these films and expect them to look really cool. In fact, three of my friends and I drove 75 minutes so that we could see Interstellar in an IMAX theatre (and then drink cheap Chardonnay in a sushi-joint in a strip-mall but that's another story) in Concord, NH.

And Interstellar looks cool. There are lots of great things about its visuals. There are many very beautiful images of outer space, and there are other planets, worlds not yet explored that have all sorts of characteristics (we get to see at least two of these planets), and there are these sleek robots that mobilize and maneuver in ways I wasn't really expecting.

The action sequences are mostly pretty great, as well. My favorite of these is a moment late in act two when they have to make their spacecraft spin in order to attach themselves to a larger spacecraft. The tension I felt in the theatre as they started to spin was incredible. Very, very cool. I was also really into Hans Zimmer's action-movie score. He's using a lot of pipe organ, which is totally weird and works beautifully and ratchets up the action admirably. I was into it.

But Interstellar doesn't want to be an action movie (like, say, Gravity). It wants, instead, to be a kind of serious, thinking-person's movie. Interstellar is filled with philosophical mumbo jumbo about trying to keep the species alive and how the last faces we see before we die are our children's faces because we are trying to project ourselves into the future. (And if a person doesn't have children?) There are seemingly about a dozen of these kinds of speeches about humanity, about the future, about homo sapiens as a species. When McConaughey and company wake up an astronaut who's been sleeping for a long, long time he weeps. He never thought he'd see another human face again. Interstellar is invested in identity, in being able to see one's own self in the mirror of another person from the same species. That is, it isn't invested in specific people, really, just in people as a kind of large collective of human identity. The most egregious of these ponderous speeches is a tearful monologue performed by Oscar-winner Anne Hathaway about how love is the only thing that science can't really explain, and that maybe love is a kind of pure knowledge that we can trust to have material consequences that benefit us. At least I think that's what she said. I am quite sure I tuned out midway through the speech. I definitely know I leaned over to my friend and said You've gotta be kidding me.

Gargantua

And this is all nonsense, anyway. Interstellar is as invested in real people as any action movie is. That is, there are good guys and bad guys and then there are expendable guys (people of color, obviously). All of the film's ponderous philosophizing is really just window dressing for its plot, which is strikingly similar to other Christopher Nolan films.

Interstellar is a time-travel picture, and it is a confusing one at that. Like Inception and Memento and The Dark Knight Rises, Interstellar functions like a puzzle, one that I was hard pressed to solve the more I thought about it. One finds oneself thinking: wait, but how did he get into this vortex? How does he materially transform the movement of a wristwatch from outer space? Who opened this wormhole, then, if... huh? It's a head-scratcher. And this is what Nolan really loves to do. When my friend Justin referred to Inception as soulless, I take him to have meant that Nolan is more interested in puzzling through things, in creating narrative machines that finally work (or at least fool an audience into looking like they work). Nolan's movies are technological marvels – the 3D wormhole and the Gargantua-thing in Interstellar are absolutely gorgeous. In this way, it seems to me that Nolan's movies not only utilize technology in extraordinary ways, they are about technology.

The films themselves function like machines, tying things together in cool ways, solving narrative problems with Rube Goldberg-esque skill. The films bend and twist, and he takes us down crazy paths that don't seem possible, but he asks us to go with him and we do, and we come out the other side. But the machine is the thing here. These are films about the machinery of storytelling, about the technology of movie-making, sure (just imagine that famous shot with all of the water in Inception), but about the technology of storytelling. And in this way, although he consistently hires excellent actors who beautifully attempt to give life to his creations, Nolan's movies never seem to me to be about actual humans. His characters are as machinic, as robotic and soulless, as the plots they inhabit.

Superman II

Man of Steel's trailer was awesome. I loved it. But the movie itself is actually absurd.

(My friend Walter reminded me that the trailer for Pearl Harbor was good, too.)

And it isn't just that Superman is rather a boring character (he is) or that the plot doesn't actually get started until at least halfway into the movie. I think it may be that Zack Snyder doesn't really know what he's doing. (Obviously a Michael Bay fan, Snyder one-ups Bay's falling skyscrapers in Transformers 3 by including at least three falling skyscrapers in Man of Steel.) Snyder alternates between explosion-filled setpieces and sententious scenes about "doing the right thing", and this is, basically, all he's got for us. In fact, somehow the movie manages to be about 90% exposition.

The sententiousness is provided by Russell Crowe and Kevin Costner – and more often than not only the sonorous tones of their voices (both fine in the movie, even though their characters are absurdly crafted). The content of this sententiousness is Snyder's usual generic mix of USAmerican patriotism, love of violence, Christian imagery, and pro-militarism. Yay America! Fun game: try to count the number of American flags in Man of Steel. Yay Jesus! Kal-El tells the militarized U.S. government that he is thirty-three years old. Since Henry Cavill was only twenty-nine during filming, it seems a rather blatant reference to the age of Jesus Christ when he was crucified. Yay military power! There are no democratically elected leaders in the movie; only fascist dictators and military leaders. But adolescent Clark, while getting picked on but refusing to punch the bully in the face, is reading (for pleasure, apparently) Plato's Republic. Some people, Man of Steel says, ought to have more power than most. It's okay if someone has a great amount of power as long as it's the right man who has the power. It's okay to break laws made by the majority, as long as you know you are doing the right thing. This is, of course – like Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight Rises (Nolan was a co-writer on Man of Steel) – an apologia for dictatorship, increased government authority, and (not to be alarmist but) the police state.

It sounds like what I really object to in Man of Steel is its politics, but it's the movie that is bad: the politics are only incidental. Still, there are lots of cool things in the movie. Because it is setpiece after setpiece, I really didn't get bored until the last half hour of the movie (and I prefer a movie with this much action to a snorer like The Avengers, where I just kept waiting for a setpiece.) The art direction is Alien-inspired and looks really, really cool. If Amy Adams is miscast as Lois Lane (someone with less "pluck" and more gravitas would have been my choice), it was nice to see Clark and Lois as grown-ups as opposed to the teenagers who played the pair in Bryan Singer's Superman reboot from 2006. And Henry Cavill is just... so... pretty. Even more than he was when he was in his early twenties. I mean, his face is perfect. He's not so much sexy as he is adonic.

Still, the movie is almost not worth watching. And that's Zack Snyder's fault. Because while Snyder knows how to blow things up and create a visually enticing setpiece, he simply has no idea how to have any fun.

Avenging Angels

It has recently become an Oscar-season tradition for my friend Julie and I to get drunk and watch a bad movie together. Last year we watched the Shakespeare fantasy-action movie Anonymous, and more recently we watched the (actually good) fantasy film Snow White and the Huntsman.

Oddly enough, it was difficult for us to think of something awful to watch this year, both of us having already seen Ted, but Julie alighted on The Avengers and her instinct was spot on. It's a long film, so the dialogue does go on quite a bit. And we tend to ramble, as well. But I've put some images next to our chat in case you're feeling as though you want to skip to a more interesting section of the conversation.

Aaron: Yo yo yo!
Julie: Sup!
Aaron: Just pouring my beer. What are you drinking?
Julie: I am going to pop my corn and grab a drink........... RED BEER, 'course! you?
Aaron: This is a White IPA from Harpoon. Fancy stuff and so delicious.
Julie: But is it too fancy for a cheesy comicbook flick? At least the color of my drink is fitting.
Aaron: Well, I thought I'd begin with the good stuff and let it devolve. This movie is long.
Julie: Ugh, these Marvel previews.
Aaron: Oh my god, there are a million. Is Spiderman Turn Off the Dark being promoted?
Julie: Aaron, SPIDER-MAN is not a Marvel character.
Aaron: Oh hahaha. It isn't? [Julie is actually wrong about this.]
Julie: Neither is Superman or Batman. Clearly, Marvel has all the shitty characters no one cares about. Like The Hulk (poor Ang Lee). 
Aaron: Seriously. Poor Ang Lee. And that movie made money, so I don't know why everyone acts like it was a big failure. Also, remember when Sam Mendes directed a Bond movie and everyone loved it?
Julie: Yeah, what was that about?
Aaron: And remember when he directed a movie about abortion and the 1950s and no one loved it? Hahaha.
Julie: HAHAHA. Yes.
Aaron: Is this Transformers?
Julie: I hope it is... I love me those Transformers.
Aaron: I do too! Those are ridiculous.
Julie: Who doesn't? Such fun. Such good sound. But you know that Joss Whedon directed this, right?
Aaron: Oh did he? I get Joss Whedon and J.J. Abrams confused.
Julie: P.S. Why are we watching this? I forget what it is nom'd for.
Aaron: Special Effects. Of the Visual variety.
Aaron: I love this actor. With the glasses. He makes me smile.
Julie: Oh, I thought you loved Sam Jackson. I mean, who doesn't? P.S. this character was written with him in mind! (Don't you love that I know these things now? I am a comic geek!)
Aaron: I love him. So this character is not from the comic books? He's just from the movies?
Julie: No, he's from the 'books. But the later ones. So they wrote him for Sam, basically. Which is obviously the best thing ever.
Aaron: It is! Also, could he have been more genius in Django Unchained?
Julie: He could have, and then perhaps he would've been nom'd.
Aaron: Julie!
Julie: No, I loved him! I'm saying the Academy sucks! Also, I have no idea what's going on... I haven't been listening.
Aaron: This thing – which is called a tesseract – is "misbehaving". It's a gateway to another world or planet or something. Maybe like in Thor? Jeremy Renner just said "It's a door right? Doors open from both sides."
Julie: Yes! Thor is going to show up. Chris Hemsworth. I am excited. This is his evil brother, by the way.
Aaron: Tom Hiddleston is the villain from Thor. I saw Thor.
Julie: Of course you did. *eyebrow raise*
Aaron: What? I thought it was a lot of gay fun. There was glitter and rainbows. And Tom Hiddleston is like a gay villain or something. I love a gay villain.
Julie: It makes me think of Adventures in Babysitting. I do hope you've seen that. It is a staple of our 80s youth.
Aaron: Don't fuck with the babysitter.
Julie: YES! Nobody leaves here without singin' the blues.
Aaron: I wasn't reading the Bible the whole time I was a child.
Julie: But I thought you didn't know what a TV was until you went to college?
Aaron: I watched TV beginning at age 11. Sam Jax just got shot!!
Julie: So much good TV happened before '92, Aaron. I am sad for you. SLJ will be fine. Motherfucker doesn't know how to die.
Aaron: And I am sorry that you missed Dark Shadows and Dallas.
Julie: Well, Dallas has been remade, so I shan't miss it.
Aaron: haha.
Julie: So far I think The Dark Knight Rises (or whatever it was titled) had better visuals than this. What was that blue mess?
Aaron: It did. I wonder why they snubbed The Dark Knight Rises.
Julie: They were mad that it otherwise sucked.
Aaron: Seems odd. They liked the last two so much. Oh that was a cool effect!
Julie: I missed it. I was thinking about Tom Hardy.
Aaron: Sam Jax just jumped from a crashing helicopter. Who is Laura Dern's younger lookalike supposed to be?

Julie: Cobie Smulders?
Aaron: You just said a name I do not recognize.
Julie: She is an agent. No one likes her, though she's super-competent (i.e. boring.)

Aaron: I see. You are a wealth of knowledge.
Julie: How I Met Your Mother. Neil Patrick Harris. I am a fountain.
Aaron: What does that have to do with How I Met Your Mother?
Julie: She's in it. And so is NPH.
Aaron: Oh. TV. You know I don't care about TV.
Julie: Ohh... Scar Jo. Two days ago I saw you as Maggie the Cat... and now you're basically CatWoman. How the mighty have fallen.
Aaron: Haha. She is playing Maggie the Cat? How is she?
Julie: Eh... ok. She's the best part of the show, which is pretty sad (for Rob Ashford). She is not a good redhead.
Aaron: Speaking of how the mighty have fallen.
Julie: Who?
Aaron: Rob Ashford.
Julie: Yes, he got really bad reviews for this show. My heart is sad for him. Oooh, that was a fun flip.
Aaron: That one too!
Julie: This guy she's talking to is not in the books
Aaron: That's the one I like!
Julie: He is written in here to represent the Everyman, i.e. he has no cool powers. Mark! The Hulk! Where's Ang?
Aaron: I didn't see the Hulk movie. But I think I saw all the other ones. Who directed the second Hulk?
Julie: There was a second Hulk?
Aaron: Oh yes. I think Edward Norton was in it.
Julie: Louis Leterrier or something. Never heard of him.
Aaron: Hm.
Julie: At least Ang came back from the Hulk. Eric Bana never did.
Aaron: Poor Eric Bana. What a hottie.
Julie: Right?
Aaron: He was great in that bad Judd Apatow movie. I still think he's good.
Julie: He was in an Apatow movie?
Aaron: Funny People.
Julie: Ohhh. Yeah, didn't see that mess.
Aaron: That was wise.
Julie: Mark is looking a little schlubby here. Remember when he was hot?  
Aaron: Mark Ruffalo was never hot. You are misremembering.
Julie: Hmm. Really? I saw him in person once. He looked pretty hot.
Aaron: I mean I think he's hot, but he has always looked a little worn. Remember he became famous in You Can Count on Me.
Julie: I never saw that either!
Aaron: Oh! It's so good!
Julie: Stop referencing things I don't know about. I want to feel smart.
Aaron: Hahaha. That was the 2000 Oscar season. What were you doing with your life?
Julie: What was I doing with my life? Freshman in college = mess.
Aaron: It's Captain America! Yay. Did you see that movie?
Julie: Hahaha, no. Absolutely not.
Aaron: It's really bad. Haha. Thor is way better.
Julie: I wish Green Lantern was in this. I love me some Ryan Reynolds.
Aaron: I missed that one. The effects looked so bad I didn't think I could stomach it.
Julie: Shit, he was a DC character. See? None of the Marvel characters is fun. Yeah, it was supposed to be pretty wretched. But Ryan!
Aaron: They are fun! Iron Man?
Julie: Blech. Overrated.
Aaron: Sam Jax just bet Captain America 10 bucks. And I laughed out loud.
Julie: Sam Jax always wins. And he should always wear an eyepatch.

Aaron: Gwyneth Paltrow is in this? How delightful.
Julie: Sarcasm? I hope?
Aaron: You don't like Gwyneth Paltrow?
Julie: Ew. She's the worst. Her ridiculous blog makes me want to kill myself.
Aaron: I love her. I think she's adorable. And I love her bangs. I am not following her blog. Does she, like, talk about her kids and shit?
Julie: She is all, like, pretentious about food and stuff that she has no authority to be pretentious about.
Aaron: You are mean.
Julie: People have regularly made fun of it, A-ron. I cannot believe you have not heard of this.
Aaron: I am sure she's not prententious She's lovely.
Julie: She's awful. Stop defending the bitch.
Aaron: Bitch? Julie!
Julie: Aaron! Everyone thinks so. Where have you been? P.S. I am out of beer. Are you keeping up?
Aaron: Well I like her. I am keeping up. I promise.
Julie: That's because you like bitches. Hence, our friendship.
Aaron: HAHA. Facts. We are 30 minutes in.
Julie: Oh my god, I'm going to be so drunk.

Aaron: Oh my god, this is homophobic.
Julie: What just happened?! I was getting beer!
Aaron: Well they have Phil saying things like "I watched you while you were sleeping" and then Captain America like raises his eyebrow like "are you a homo?"
Julie: Perhaps the actor is a homophobe.
Aaron: And then Phil is talking about how he redesigned Captain America's costume.
Julie: With nipples? Like the Batman suit?
Aaron: Dear lord I hope so.
Julie: Who is this Darth Vader wannabe?
Aaron: I don't know.
Julie: This looks like Tron. Which was decidedly not nominated for Visual Effects.
Aaron: Wasn't it? Tron did get some nominations, didn't it?
Julie: Only Sound Editing.
Aaron: Oh yeah! Haha. Poor Tron. It really was very bad. But I rather liked it. The art direction of this film is absurd. It looks like Transformers.
Julie: slash Tron!
Aaron: See! More homophobia. They're making Phil into a pseudo-gay character.
Julie: Am I homophobic for not catching any of the homophobia?
Aaron: No. Just not used to hearing it like I am, probably.
Julie: Now it looks like Battleship! Which was nominated for a bunch of Razzies, by the way. We should totes watch it.
Aaron: No thanks. There are a lot of good things I want to watch.
Julie: Oh, you're no fun.
Aaron: Lot of white people on this bridge. Hahaha. Sorry. I can only handle so many bad movies. And I watched The Man with the Iron Fists.
Julie: Why would you do that? (Without me?)
Aaron: Hahaha. To put the F-U in Kung Fu.
Julie: Oh dear.

Aaron: Mark Ruffalo is talking about science. Gamma rays, spectrometers, anti-protons.
Julie: He is basically Jeff Goldblum in Independence Day. Oh, I get it! This was Renner's warm-up for Hansel and Gretel!
Aaron: A horrible reference. May I never think of Jeff Goldblum.
Julie: Jurassic Park!
Aaron: Are we about to have some action, finally? It has been 40 minutes. That eye thing was cool.
Julie: I think these effects are pretty lame.
Aaron: They are. This won't win.
Julie: You're right: Snow White will.
Aaron: Haha. I wish! Life of Pi is going to win Visual Effects.
Julie: Probably. But Prometheus was really pretty – though it had absolutely nothing else going for it.
Aaron: Not much, no. But the effects were really cool in Prometheus.
Julie: Why does his gold suit go away? I'd wear it all the time.
Aaron: He was surrendering. But I'm with you. If you have a fabulous outfit, you wear it as often as possible.
Julie: Right? If nothing else, that's what we learned from the Evil Queen Charlize.
Aaron: She has many lessons to teach us.
Julie: So true. Like how to suck her albino brother's lifeblood/soul/something. 45 minutes in. I'm drunk.
Aaron: Oh I like this emotional brother scene. Thor was a big glittery business. You missed out. It was even directed by Kenneth Branagh.
Julie: I am not sure I did. Now I'm positive I didn't.
Aaron: Hahaha. I just laughed out loud again.
Julie: But why? Hahaha.
Aaron: "I'm listening." That was a good joke. SHAKESPEARE IN THE PARK?!??! Bahahaha.

Julie: Thor's hair is almost as good as our crimped friend's from Anonymous.
Aaron: I am just glad there is more action happening.
Julie: I am glad you are finding humor in this mess. I am not.
Aaron: This is, admittedly, a terrible film. But I have laughed three times. So all is not lost.
Julie: It's really bad, right? If nothing else, the visuals should be good, and they are not. This is most unfortunate.
Aaron: As usual in a Marvel film, too. These people have a million awesome technologies for killing each other and yet all they do is trade punches.
Julie: Ooooh he's flying.
Aaron: He jumped.
Julie: Fly-jumped. Whatever.
Aaron: Like Michael Jordan.
Julie: Hahaha! Just like.

Aaron: His hair really is fabulous. You're right. This movie is directed so weirdly.
Julie: Thank you. I'm trying to focus on the good.
Aaron: The styles differ so widely!
Julie: I think it's 'cause they don't know whose story it is. Right? Everyone's a star.
Aaron: Yeah. Which is weird, because it's Loki's story, right? And yet that's Tom Hiddleston. Not one of the stars.
Julie: No, he's the bad guy. It can't be the bad guy's story in a comicbook movie.
Aaron: I think the star is actually Chris Hemsworth's biceps.
Julie: Oh my god, his hair! offically my favorite thing. after sam's eyepatch.
Aaron: Samuel L. Jackson. He is so much fun.
Julie: Always. Though I'm afraid he's a bit crazypants. Then again, most actors are.
Aaron: Like in real life or just in this movie. I laughed at another joke.
Julie: In real life.
Aaron: "He's adopted." Good joke.
Julie: Also, his twitter is incoherent. Is it really him? I'm not sure, but I had to unfollow him.
Aaron: Are you watching The Avengers?
Julie: I am bored by this film.
Aaron: Yeah. So much talk!
Julie: Transformers was way more fun.
Aaron: Yeah, Transformers always had giant motherfucking set pieces. This has a lot of talk, a lot of morality, and Captain America's earnestness.
Julie: Yeah, so much earnestness. Blah.

Aaron: He's hot though, Chris Evans, don't you think? I loved him in Sunshine.
Julie: Also, why is the cinematography so muted? These colors are dull. I want my superheroes to be bright and fun.
Aaron: That's what I was saying when we were on that ship!
Julie: Sunshine... did we see that? I have a vague recollection of being in that student life cinema
Aaron: Yes! It was. I love that movie. Danny Boyle.
Julie: And Cillian Murphy! I don't remember it much, though.
Aaron: Samuel Jackson should be in this movie more.
Julie: Truth.
Aaron: He should be the lead.
Julie: Well, he kind of is, right? Because he's in charge of them all.
Aaron: Yeah, but the film isn't as interested in him as it is in the others.
Julie: That's because he's black. This film is racist! Also, he has the best name. Nick FURY.

Aaron: Truth. I don't think it's about racism. I think it's about not knowing how to direct a movie. This is directed like television ought to be directed.
Julie: Well, he is all about the TV. And he does it well.
Aaron: Switching between stories, not having a main character.
Julie: Perhaps we should just drink more.
Aaron: This is good TV, but movies don't work well like this. I am drinking. Tom Hiddleston is great.

Julie: Sam wearing a blue tooth?
Aaron: Black people love bluetooth.
Julie: hahahahaha
Aaron: My sister never takes hers off. THIS CINEMATOGRAPHY. This is fucking awful.
Julie: SO BAD. What the fuck is happening?
Aaron: They're fighting and I think that little sword thing like knows or something.
Julie: Why did we go upside down?
Aaron: Now we're seeing everything in closeup! It's like Les Mis! Are you hoping they sing, because I am.
Julie: Nothing is like Les Mis, A-ron. Nothing. Captain America really wants to burst into song.
Aaron: Nine is like Les Mis. (Mark Ruffalo is a great actor. For real.)
Julie: No, Nine had Daniel Day-Lewis. Les Mis had Russell Crowe.
Aaron: Those are equivalent.

Julie: I just want you to know that this cinematographer did We Need to Talk About Kevin.
Aaron:  What? That movie is shot in an interesting way!
Julie: And Anna Karenina.
Aaron: And Anna Karenina is shot gorgeously.
Julie: I'm just telling ya the facts.
Aaron: This is the director's fault, clearly.
Julie: Hahaha. I like to blame directors, too. Let's go with that. HULK! I wish Ang Lee was with us in this moment. He's good, that Ang. And so damn cute.

Aaron: Isn't he? I totally agree. Samuel L. Jackson is saving this film right now. These effects, Julie. They look so fake! Did you like Life of Pi?
Julie: I thought it was pretty.
Aaron: Oh this Hulk is what the Visual Effects nomination is for, I guess.
Julie: There was too much god going on in that film, though.
Aaron: Right?
Julie: Between that and Les Mis, I was godded out.
Aaron: And it is unrelated to the plot.
Julie: Precisely.
Aaron: The novel (as you know) has way more god. As does the 1935 film with Fredric March.
Julie: Like Jane Eyre! at least adaptations of that book always cut out the god crap. I don't know why novelists love the god so much.
Aaron: They were old.
Julie: Life of Pi is not old!
Aaron: Oh, Yann Martel isn't! Hahaha. If we can return to The Avengers for the moment. We have totally departed from the actual plot of the film. And now we're watching a set piece. So I guess that's something. I think there's another hour left.
Julie: Hahaha. What beer are you on?
Aaron: I am 2 IPAs in. High alcohol content. Going to open another one now.
Julie: I am also almost done with my second red beer. for some reason, this drink makes me drunk quickly. Perhaps because it tastes like fruit juice.
Aaron: Sensible.

Julie: This is so bad. Remember Hugo? That film was pretty.
Aaron: It was. But also boring.
Julie: True. But this film is boring and ugly. Killer combo.
Aaron: How did Thor get inside the cell that was supposed to be holding Loki?
Julie: He is magic. Magic hair.
Aaron: I love both of their hair.
Julie: I don't know. His bro's is quite greasy. Oh no! Everyman died!

Aaron: Phil. Phil-in-the-blank. Gay characters always die. These effects really are embarassing.
Julie: Oh, he didn't die after all. So this film isn't homophobic!
Aaron: Um. I think it still is.
Julie: And I think it's racist. So we'll have to agree to disagree.
Aaron: The two are hardly mutually exclusive. As you know.
Julie: Oh, he died. So you are right.
Aaron: Everyone is having a lot of feelings about this guy. We're learning plot information now.
Julie: Poorly crafted exposition.
Aaron: This should be an act three monologue, but there are 50 minutes left in the movie.
Julie: Who wrote this mess? Oh, Zak Penn who wrote every other terrible superhero movie. That explains things.
Aaron: What else did he write? Mark Ruffalo is naked now! Nice.
Julie: The Incredible Hulk. Elektra. X-Men.
Aaron: Oh. Bad shit.
Julie: Fantastic Four, too.
Aaron: Yikes.
Julie: Yeeeahhhh. COLOR!
Aaron: Why would they even hire him.
Julie: I wish the whole movie looked like this. Oh, it went away. What the fuck was that?
Aaron: That hypercolor was a welcome change.
Julie: That lasted 2 seconds. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Aaron: Seriously. I am drinking more. Jeremy Renner is looking good.

Julie: That is because of the alcohol. Although his hair is nicely gelled.
Aaron: Sometimes I like arms.
Julie: As in biceps?
Aaron: Yes. What was the other option? Arms and the Man? What am I, George Bernard Shaw?
Julie: Well it was such an odd comment, I thought it best to clarify.
Aaron: He just called Loki a diva. This movie is getting gaaaaayyyer. This white girl really is very boring. No wonder all the fanboys hate her.
Julie: Scar Jo is white. She is boring too.
Aaron: Yeah. She is.
Julie: "I have an army."
Aaron: "We have a Hulk"
Julie: "I have a Hulk." BAM. hahahahaha
Aaron: Bam? It's so boring.
Julie: I know. I was being sarcastic.
Aaron: These jokes. Performance Issues?
Julie: You like them, remember?
Aaron: Only, like, 1/3 of them.
Julie: That is still way more than is appropriate for a film of this caliber, A-ron.
Aaron: Well I am drinking. It leads one toward generosity.
Julie: And I'm clearly not drinking enough.
Aaron: Well no one is drinking enough to think these special effects are good. I think the war is starting to happen. And not a moment too soon. 100 minutes in.
Julie: There is only... THE WAR. Ahahahahahaha
Aaron: I mean, they look like they're standing in front of a green screen.
Julie: Right? The worst.
Aaron: They're gods from another planet. So they punch each other. They literally must have no access to technologies of any kind.

Julie: What the hell is that?
Aaron: Megatron?
Julie: It's kind of Transformers-like... I like it. Hahahahahahaha
Aaron: I love Chris Hemsworth's British accent.
Julie: Thor better not die!
Aaron: It really is like Shakespeare in the Park. He will not die. He has to go back to Natalie Portman.
Julie: Haha
Aaron: It really is shocking how few people of color are in this. You are so right about how racist it is.
Julie: Yes. Sondheim should've scored this.
Aaron: Bahahaha!
Julie: Are there any black comic book characters though?
Aaron: Plenty! Who did score this?
Julie: Alan Silvestri.
Aaron: Seriously? The Forrest Gump guy?
Julie: Forrest Gump. Blech. And Beowulf! AHAHAHA
Aaron: Where's your feather theme now, bitch?
Julie: And Lara Croft! He is good.
Aaron: He actually is.

Aaron: I just laughed out loud again. "So... this all seems... horrible."
Julie: Oh, Aaron. You and your jokes.
Aaron: Are we alone in thinking this is bad? I think people liked this movie.
Julie: I think they did too. I don't get it.

Aaron: I can't believe The Avengers got this nomination, actually. I liked John Carter's effects better.
Julie: We could probably name at least 5 films that had better effects.
Aaron: I think so too!
Julie: The Academy is ridiculous.
Aaron: As we know. This year is definitely the weirdest year ever, though. Since Driving Miss Daisy and Do the Right Thing, surely. Sam Jax just said "stupid ass decision". I love him.
Julie: Me too. 1990 was a weird year, you are correct.

Aaron: The weirdest year. But 2013 might be weirder.
Julie: I do not like this year. It is making me upset.
Aaron: Oh I am a fan. But, then, I like surprises. As long as I have surprises I'm happy.

Julie: Was Stellan Skarsgård always in this film?
Aaron: Hahaha. From, like, the first 2 minutes.
Julie: Whoa. I might as well have not watched any of this. I clearly am retaining nothing.
Aaron: Whenever I crash through glass somehow I manage not to bleed, as well.
Julie: Well, that makes sense.
Aaron: There are another 20 minutes in this flick.
Julie: Indeed. Totally necessary. There's Stellan again! How fun.
Aaron: I can't believe you have missed him this whole time. In act one, Loki converted him to his side like he did with Jeremy Renner.
Julie: Dude, it's the red beer. I blame the red beer. And this film's badness. Oh, whatever. I'd rather be watching him in Dragon Tattoo. Remember that one? Why am I so nostalgic for last year. What a horrible year.
Aaron: Haha. Stellan was not good in Dragon Tattoo. You need to release your love for last year. This year is better. Just weirder.
Julie: I LOVED lots of films this year, but they are all getting backlash now. So I am bitter.

Aaron: Actually I do think last year was better than this year. Well, I think there will be reverse backlash. I am predicting Zero Dark to take a bunch. ("Please tell me nobody kissed me". Gotta get in one more homophobic joke!)
Julie: A bunch? it was only nom'd for five.
Aaron: Well, I think it will take more than Life of Pi.
Julie: I think it will get actress, that is all.
Aaron: You are wrong.
Julie: I don't know, Pi has lots of technology that looks and sounds pretty.
Aaron: Well, I think Zero Dark comes back. Like Black Hawk Down.
Julie: Black Hawk only won 2.
Aaron: Black Hawk made a huge comeback. It was the talk of that year! What was that, 02?
Julie: Yes.
Aaron: I think Zero Dark makes a similar comeback. I could be wrong, obviously, but I think so.
Julie: That's not much of a comeback. It was a slap in the face not to nominate her. Even Ridley got a nom. Oh my god, it's over. What happened?
Aaron: Allegedly there is another 10 minutes in it, though. Must be a button at the end of the credits. There usually is with the Marvel movies.
Julie: Oh I am so excited. And I still have half a beer.
Aaron: So do I!
Julie: I feel we can remedy this.
Aaron: Oh my god so there will be a sequel.
Julie: That was stupid. Of course there will be a sequel. It's a comic book! There will be TEN sequels!

Aaron: Hahahaha. This song was not nominated.
Julie: I don't see why not. It is equally as good as the one from Ted.
Aaron: You exaggerate. The lyric of this song is "Like the sun we will live to rise again"
Julie: "Like the sun we will learn to rise... AGAAAAAAAINNNNNN." HAHA. These lyrics are the best They are definitely equal to those of the Les Mis song.
Aaron: Like the sun we will live to rise. / Like the sun we will live and die.
Julie: Like the sun we will live and die.
Aaron: ???
Julie: HAHAHA
Aaron: The sun dies?
Julie: It seems so.
Aaron: This movie sucked. But, Julie: Was it better than Les Mis?
Julie: Oh. I don't know, actually. They were both wretched. And at least this one had Sam Jax. So I think it was better.
Aaron: Like the sun we will live to rise again.
Julie: Again......
Aaron: Hahahahaha.
Julie: Well, I wish I could say this was a pleasure... but I'm not sure it was. Wait. There is more! Seriously, what the fuck was that?
Aaron: That was a bunch of white people having burgers.
Julie: I hate this film. Well, I finished my beer, so I suppose that really is the end.