Oscar Nominations 2023: 1 of 9

Every year I post about each of the films nominated for Oscars—this year there are 38 features plus 15 short films. Usually, I see all of them except for the documentaries (I am just not that interested in documentary film; I'm not sure why), but this year I'm also going to do myself a favor and skip the live-action short films. As a group they tend to be terrible every single year, and then for some reason the worst one usually manages to win. 

This year there is a lot for me to appreciate; many of my favorite films of the year got at least one nomination (Oppenheimer, Past Lives, American Fiction, Anatomy of a Fall). I am not sure I understand the incredible amount of love the Academy has for what I thought were total snooze-fests (Killers of the Flower Moon and Poor Things), but who knows; other people have different tastes than I do. 

I guess it's worth saying one more thing about Barbie, since that movie is taking up most of the social media oxygen at the moment. I'll just say one thing flatly: if you seriously think Barbie missed out on a Best Director nomination, it is my humble opinion that you need to see more movies. Is it true that more women should be nominated for Best Director? It absolutely is. But it's not the director of Barbie who was overlooked in this category: it was Carla Simón, Erige Sehiri, Chie Hayakawa, Léa Mysius, Manuela Martelli, and especially Celine Song. Each of these women made amazing movies this year, and the only reason we're not talking about them is that our own viewing preferences skew white and corporate and American, and not enough people have seen their movies. I would encourage everyone to watch more films directed by women. There were many great ones this year, especially: my top 11 for 2023 includes 6 films directed by women.

That's just what I liked, though. The more complicated issue is how nominees are selected in the first place. Each voter selects five names. But only one of those names gets a vote. So let's say my top 5 directors were Cord Jefferson, Justine Triet, Christopher Nolan, Celine Song, and Carla Simón. That would be my list this year, but then I'd need to rank them. If I rank them (1) Simón, (2) Triet, (3) Song, (4) Jefferson, and (5) Nolan, then my vote would end up counting for Justine Triet and no one else. Here is why: the way they count the votes is to stack them all by who you vote for #1. My vote for Carla Simón would have been eliminated after the first round because she didn't get enough number 1 votes; then my vote would have been moved to the Triet pile, which just got bigger. And now my vote doesn't count at all for any of the names that are lower on my list. This means that the ranking actually matters during the vote, and names at the top matter way more. What happened with Barbie, then, is that not enough of the voters in the Directing branch put Gerwig at the top of their ballots. Which, I think, makes sense. The directing isn't what is most sensational about Barbie.

The problem for me every year is that the Academy concentrates their nominations on 5 or 6 movies and don't see more movies or spread the wealth better. This is, I think, the exact opposite issue from the complaint that Barbie only got 8 nominations instead of 10. I would have preferred fewer nominations for Barbie and more solo call-outs for excellent work in only one category, like the wonderful lone nomination for El Conde's cinematography! Nominations like that show that that branch is actually watching things (unlike this year's production design and costume design nominations – which are identical: zzzz). 

I will go film by film discussing each movie individually rather than discussing categories, beginning with the movies most beloved by the Academy this year. If the nominee has been nominated for Oscars previously, they will be listed next to their name in parentheses). This year's nominees:

Oppenheimer

13 nominations

• Picture
• Director: Christopher Nolan (Dunkirk)
• Actor: Cillian Murphy
• Adapted Screenplay: Christopher Nolan (Inception, Memento)
• Supporting Actor: Robert Downey Jr. (Tropic Thunder, Chaplin)
• Supporting Actress: Emily Blunt
• Film Editing: Jennifer Lame
• Cinematography: Hoyte van Hoytema (Dunkirk)
• Production Design: Ruth De Jong & Claire Kaufman
• Original Score: Ludwig Göransson (Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, Black Panther)
• Costume Design: Ellen Mirojnick
• Sound
• Makeup & Hairstyling

Director: Nolan

Cast: Murphy, Blunt, Downey, Alden Ehrenreich, Florence Pugh, Benny Safdie, Tom Conti, Matt Damon, Jason Clarke, Josh Hartnett, David Krumholtz, Trond Fausa, Casey Affleck, Rami Malek

I loved this. I saw it in IMAX with what appeared to be everyone in the Physics department at FSU. The acting is wonderful, and I loved the usual Christopher Nolan time puzzle. I have complained for a long time that Nolan's movies are soulless, and I rather expected this one to be that too, but it isn't. I was very moved by it, and found the whole thing fascinating. In fact, I've been loving Christopher Nolan's movies lately. I even loved Tenet. My favorite performances in Oppenheimer were Emily Blunt, Alden Ehrenreich, Trond Fausa, Benny Safdie, and Cillian Murphy, but I think just the amazing list of actors in this pushes Oppenheimer over the edge. It's an actor-fest, a marvel of technical work, and the script is great. I expect this to win a lot of Oscars. I think it's hard to be mad about this, too. Nolan has never won Best Director (it's only his second nomination!) and Cillian Murphy has never been nominated, let alone won. If you look at the list of contributors above, you'll see that this is the first nomination for almost everyone, so giving them Oscars is exciting. It's not like this is the Scorsese team, who have all been nominated 10 times apiece and already have 2 statues at home. These women and men are a new generation of filmmakers who the Academy has never honored before.

Will win: Picture, Director, Actor, Supporting Actor, Film Editing, Cinematography

Could win: Adapted Screenplay, Production Design, Original Score, Sound, Makeup & Hairstyling

My rating: #2 out of 71

Poor Things

11 nominations

• Picture
• Director: Yorgos Lanthimos (The Favourite)
• Actress: Emma Stone (The Favourite, La La Land, Birdman or (the Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance))
• Adapted Screenplay: Tony McNamara (The Favourite)
• Supporting Actor: Mark Ruffalo (Spotlight, Foxcatcher, The Kids Are All Right)
• Film Editing: Yorgos Mavropsaridis (The Favourite)
• Cinematography: Robbie Ryan (The Favourite)
• Production Design: Shona Heath & Zsuzsa Mihalek & James Price
• Original Score: Jerskin Fendrix
• Costume Design: Holly Waddington
• Makeup & Hairstyling

Director: Lanthimos

Cast: Stone, Ruffalo, Willem Dafoe, Ramy Youssef, Kathryn Hunter, Christopher Abbot, Jerrod Carmichael, Hanna Schygulla, Suzy Bemba, Vicki Pepperdine

I found this movie boring, and all of the awards love it has received is baffling to me. I found the performances in this weird and not very honest, and I think, weirdly, that Stone and Ruffalo were two of the people I liked least – the worst performance was definitely Jerrod Carmichael's. But hey, whatever, people like things that I don't like, and that's how it goes. I really hope I like Lanthimos's next movie better, because I actually do like his work, including the last movie of his that the Academy loved, The Favourite. Still, expect this to win a few Oscars below the line on March 10th, and actually... Emma Stone could win another Oscar. There seems to be a lot of love for her around, so if people decide to vote against the Lily Gladstone avalanche, they'll vote for Stone.

Will win: Costume Design, Makeup & Hairstyling

Could win: Actress, Production Design

My rating: #60 out of 71

Killers of the Flower Moon

(𐓀𐒻͘𐓂͘𐓄𐒰 𐒹𐒿𐒰𐓆𐒼𐒰 𐓓𐒻͘𐒼𐒰 𐓊'𐒷𐓍𐒷)

10 nominations

• Picture
• Director: Martin Scorsese (The Irishman, The Wolf of Wall Street, Hugo, The Departed, The Aviator, Gangs of New York, GoodFellas, The Last Temptation of Christ, Raging Bull)
• Actress: Lily Gladstone
• Supporting Actor: Robert De Niro (Silver Linings Playbook, Cape Fear, Awakenings, Raging Bull, The Deer Hunter, Taxi Driver, The Godfather: Part II)
• Film Editing: Thelma Schoonmaker (The Irishman, Hugo, The Departed, The Aviator, Gangs of New York, GoodFellas, Raging Bull, Woodstock: 3 Days of Peace & Music)
• Cinematography: Rodrigo Prieto (The Irishman, Silence, Brokeback Mountain)
• Production Design: Jack Fisk (The Revenant, There Will Be Blood) & Adam Willis
• Original Score: Robbie Robertson
• Costume Design: Jacqueline West (Dune: Part One, The Revenant, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Quills)
• Original Song – "Wahzhazhe (A Song for My People)": Scott George

Director: Scorsese

Cast: Leonardo DiCaprio, Gladstone, De Niro, Jesse Plemons, Scott Shepherd, Tantoo Cardinal, Cara Jade Myers, JaNae Collins, Jillian Dion, John Lithgow, Tatanka Means, Everett Waller, Talee Redcorn, Yancey Red Corn, Jason Isbell, Brendan Fraser

This is another movie that did not work for me and that I thought was quite boring. This is a very frustrating film, and it drove me a little crazy. It's also a thousand years long, for reasons I don't really understand. But the real issue for me – and I've already said this, so I'm sorry for repeating myself – is that this film is only from the perspective of the Osage people at the very beginning and the very end. The remainder is a film made from the emotional and narrative perspective of people who tried to murder them. This is intensely frustrating, and it belies everything that Scorsese and everyone else involved with this movie said was supposed to be happening. (For example, we see the murder of Anna three separate times on screen in Flower Moon; not one of these is from her perspective. It's actually shocking when you think about it. We watch her murder three times from the point of view of her murderers??? What kind of ethical filmmaking choice is that?) This movie was the critical darling of the year, and I thought for a bit it would win the big award and maybe win everything else, too, but I think Killers of the Flower Moon is on the descent. Note its surprise omission from the Adapted Screenplay category! Even Lily Gladstone, who has been the presumptive Best Actress winner for months, may find herself in real competition with Emma Stone. I think Lily Gladstone is rather boring in this movie – the whole movie is boring; it's not her fault, really – but I will be happy for her to win. She's a cool woman, and she's been making good independent movies for years.

Will win: Actress, Original Score

Could win: Picture, Director, Production Design, Costume Design

My rating: #53 out of 71

Barbie

8 nominations

• Picture
• Adapted Screenplay: Greta Gerwig (Little Women, Lady Bird) & Noah Baumbach (Marriage Story, The Squid and the Whale)
• Supporting Actor: Ryan Gosling (La La Land, Half Nelson)
• Supporting Actress: America Ferrera
• Production Design: Sarah Greenwood (Darkest Hour, Beauty and the Beast, Anna Karenina, Sherlock Holmes, Atonement, Pride & Prejudice) & Katie Spencer (Darkest Hour, Beauty and the Beast, Anna Karenina, Sherlock Holmes, Atonement, Pride & Prejudice) 
• Costume Design: Jacqueline Durran (Cyrano, Little Women, Darkest Hour, Beauty and the Beast, Mr. Turner, Anna Karenina, Atonement, Pride & Prejudice) 
• Original Song – "I'm Just Ken": Mark Ronson (A Star Is Born) & Andrew Wyatt (A Star Is Born)
• Original Song – "What Was I Made For?": Billie Eilish (No Time to Die) & Finneas O'Connell (No Time to Die)

Director: Gerwig

Cast: Margot Robbie, Gosling, Ferrera, Kate McKinnon, Issa Rae, America Ferrera, Dua Lipa, Simu Liu, Alexandra Shipp, Emma Mackey, Kingsley Ben-Adir, Rhea Perlman, Will Ferrell, Helen Mirren, Ariana Greenblatt, Michael Cera

This is a very funny movie, and I had a great time at it. I still laugh once a week at Issa Rae's delivery of "Oh? Is this The GodFATHer?" I did think the movie didn't really stick its ending, though. I mean, why would anyone choose to be a real human person when one could be a doll and not have to work? No thanks. In many ways, the end of this movie felt to me like an apologia for mainstream culture, and that didn't sit well with me. In any case, the script (it's an original script, despite appearing in the adapted category) is great, and it was really excellent to see America Ferrera's surprise nomination. I'm so pleased about that. She's a jobbing actor who has been working hard for years – as long ago as Josefina López's Real Women Have Curves, the play. There's lots to be excited about here, and the Academy obviously loved this film. This and Oppenheimer and Mario Bros. and Dead Reckoning Part One really saved the box office receipts this year, too, so it deserves props for that as well (even though Mario and Dead Reckoning did not receive any similar affection from the Academy). One more thing: I think the backlash related to Barbie missing out on Best Director and Best Actress nominations may translate into more wins on March 10th, so I expect it to take home a couple more than I would have predicted if this movie had ended up with 10 nominations instead of 8.

Will win: Adapted Screenplay, Production Design, Song

Could win: Picture, Costume Design

My rating: #23 out of 71

Maestro

8 nominations

• Picture
• Actor: Bradley Cooper (A Star Is Born, American Sniper, American Hustle, Silver Linings Playbook)
• Actress: Carey Mulligan (Promising Young Woman, An Education)
• Original Screenplay: Bradley Cooper (A Star Is Born) & Josh Singer (Spotlight)
• Cinematography: Matthew Libatique (A Star Is Born, Black Swan)
  
• Sound
• Makeup & Hairstyling

Director: Cooper

Cast: Cooper, Mulligan, Matt Bomer, Vincenzo Amato, Sarah Silverman, Maya Hawke, Michael Urie, Sam Nivola, Alexa Swinton, Miriam Shor

This is a very good movie that I think is a little tough to love, and so it isn't much of a surprise to me that people liked it less than (I feel like) they ought to have. There's a way, too, that the movie is very hard on Leonard Bernstein, a man beloved by many in Hollywood, despite the way the movie actually adores him and sympathizes with him. I've already written about how well I think Cooper did with this and how fucking great Carey Mulligan is, so I won't say any more about that. But... I don't think this will be winning any Oscars on March 10th. 7 nominations is a lot, so the Academy definitely respects it, but it's not taking home any gold. The only real category it could win in – Makeup – has really polarized people. The other day one of my students told me he couldn't take the movie seriously because the makeup was too silly (!). I really liked this movie, though, and I think it deserves its nominations and maybe more.

Will win: N/A

Could win: Makeup & Hairstyling

My rating: #17 out of 71

More posts coming soon:

2. Anatomy of a Fall, The Zone of Interest, The Holdovers, American Fiction

3. Napoleon, Past Lives, Society of the Snow, Nyad

4. Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One, The Creator, Rustin, May December

5. The Color Purple, El Conde, Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

6. Animated Features

7. Godzilla Minus One, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3, Golda, American Symphony, Flamin' Hot

8. Animated Short Films

9. Perfect Days, The Teachers' Lounge, Io Capitano

Killers of the Flower Moon

Martin Scorsese's new movie Killers of the Flower Moon (𐓀𐒻͘𐓂͘𐓄𐒰 𐒹𐒿𐒰𐓆𐒼𐒰 𐓓𐒻͘𐒼𐒰 𐓊'𐒷𐓍𐒷) isn’t bad, of course, but it’s intensely frustrating. It’s a story told matter-of-factly, as if it’s information we need—almost clinical. As my companion said to me, it was like reading a book. All of this is sort of fine, although I think the movie takes a perverse pleasure in showing us violence: we didn’t need, for example, to see a sequence where Anna Brown was murdered after we had already heard her murder described to us in detail. That both of these sequences were given to us from the perspective of the men who murdered her is an odd choice indeed. 

The movie isn't emotionally engaging, because it continually refuses and frustrates our identification with the perspective of the Osage woman at the film's center. Here's an example of what I mean: When Molly's husband murder's Molly's sister in act two, we experience the murder through his eyes. He walks through the blown up house, he sees the dead bodies of the murdered people, and then he tells Molly that her sister has been killed. The camera looks down on her in the basement with her children. She hears the news and breaks down. It's devastating for her and it should be for us, too. But the camera? The camera stays up on the ground floor, looking down on Molly as she wails. It's as if it's all happening to someone else – which is exactly the point of view her husband has taken.

I also found the fire sequence very, very confusing. I didn’t understand what was supposed to be happening and I didn’t emotionally connect with what was going on. 

And then the film’s penultimate sequence, where we are for some reason in a radio play… there is nothing that could really explain this for me. I didn’t understand it either formally or thematically. (In fact, Killers of the Flower Moon up until this moment had been using silent film techniques to get across its exposition – the jump to radio-theatre is out of left field.) I just don’t get it. 

I quite liked the film’s final sequence with its return to the Osage nation. The film is at its best when it’s trying to tell the story from the Osage perspective, when it centers Molly and her sisters. If only Killers of the Flower Moon did that a bit more.

The Irishman

This was so fucking boring.

And interminable.

People liked this?

De Niro's character has no arc at all – after three and a half hours. Is this for real?

And, like, who cares about these men and all of their misdeeds over which, in fact, they appear to feel no compunction (except for Joe Pesci... near the three hour mark)?

What was it all for?

If you know me, you know that Scorsese is already not my favorite, but, seriously... I don't get it.

I mean this sincerely: I'd rather rewatch Cats than rewatch The Irishman.

Why So Serious?

Joker is pretty good at what it wants to do. Joaquin Phoenix's performance is chilling and very scary, and the movie itself is quite scary too. The thing is, though: I didn't really enjoy this very much at all. Even the third act triumphant revenge sequences were joyless to me. The first act is so relentless in its beatdowns of this poor man. It's one-note, almost (dare I say it) comedic (although it never really is this), in the pain it delivers at this man's doorstep.

I don't, for the record, think the movie is irresponsibly violent or anything like that. Joker is fairly careful about its violence. Consider, for example, the sequence in the non-girlfriend's apartment. The film actually works to make us afraid for the young woman and her daughter. We will for nothing to happen to them. We hope he doesn't hurt them. I felt this same way with his diminutive coworker who comes to visit and witnesses him killing the other guy they work with. Please don't kill this guy, I thought. And of course he doesn't.

It's clear in these moments that Joker is a sentimental movie in its own way. It doesn't wish death and destruction on everyone, or at least not quite everyone. Little people and mothers with young children are spared this film's wrath. The rest of the universe, however – as we find out at the end of the movie – can simply burn, and society itself should be utterly destroyed. But save the children and the co-workers who smile at you.

If only any of this had been pleasurable. But the relentless of the first act of Todd Phillips' film set me up, as a viewer, only for more of the same. For me, Joker never really let up from this tone, and I had trouble enjoying any of the film after act one, even if I knew we were sort of supposed to take pleasure in the finale. I found the whole thing off-putting.  It's just not any fun.

Oh! One more thing that I can't get out of my head. When the three guys come to beat him up in the subway – the guys he kills, I mean – they're singing a song from Stephen Sondheim's A Little Night Music: Isn't it rich / Are we a pair / Me here at last on the ground / You in midair. They even seem to know the second verse. Now, these are supposed to be young businessmen who work for Thomas Wayne, and given that this film is supposed to take place in a version of 1976 (I infer this from the numerous references to Lumet & Chayefsky's Network and Scorsese & Schrader's Taxi Driver throughout the film) and Sondheim's musical premiered in 1973, I suppose it's possible that these young businessmen might have committed "Send in the Clowns" to memory, but I find this improbable. Perhaps it is simply much more likely that the joker is psychotic and that the scenario the film shows us, in which he kills the three men, is just as fictional as the sequence two scenes later when he kisses his neighbor. My point is that we can't even trust what we see in the movie. What I guess I hope this means, after all, is that this joker is misinterpreting the ugliness and brutality of the world around him and that it just ain't all that bad. Either way, the joker's read on the world is not a perspective I have the ability to enjoy. I need a few more jokes.

Update. My friend George reminds me that "Send in the Clowns" was actually a pop-crossover hit. Witness this appearance by Judy Collins on The Muppet Show in 1973:

Oscar Noms 2017: 7 of 13

Part 1 - La La Land, Moonlight, Arrival
Part 2 - Manchester by the Sea, Hacksaw Ridge, Lion
Part 3 - Fences, Hell or High Water, Hidden Figures, Jackie
Part 4 - Florence Foster Jenkins, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Passengers, Rogue One
Part 5 - Deepwater Horizon, Kubo and the Two Strings, Moana, A Man Called Ove
Part 6 - Captain Fantastic, Elle, Loving, Nocturnal Animals

Part 7:

The Lobster

1 Nomination

• Original Screenplay: Efthimis Filippou & Yorgos Lanthimos

Director: Lanthimos

Cast: Colin Farrell, Rachel Weisz, Léa Seydoux, John C. Reilly, Olivia Colman, Ben Whishaw, Angeliki Papoulia, Garry Mountaine, Ariane Labed, Jessica Barden, Imelda Nagle Ryan

I am a big fan of The Lobster and I am so happy that it was nominated in this category. Lanthimos's work is so interesting, and his voice is truly unique. This is a complicated, funny, extremely weird movie that – the more you think about it – isn't really all that weird. It's one of the best movies of the year and not to be missed. Come to think of it: you know, the original screenplay category is often where the Academy really shines. It chooses some of the oddest scripts in this category, but really can shine a light on new voices in filmmaking. Just look back through some of the films that have been nominated in this category – Ex Machina, Straight outta Compton, Nightcrawler, Her, Margin Call, A Separation. It really is a category the Academy can be proud of, I think. And this year's choices (except for La La Land, really) are all very deserving.

Will Win: N/A

Could Win: N/A

My Rating: #12 out of 92

20th Century Women

1 Nomination

• Original Screenplay: Mike Mills

Director: Mills

Cast: Annette Bening, Greta Gerwig, Elle Fanning, Lucas Jade Zumann, Billy Crudup, Allison Elliott, Thea Gill

This was my #2 film for the year. I absolutely loved this movie. I loved its central performance by Annette Bening (she was robbed of a nomination), but actually 20th Century is a true ensemble piece with five great performances at its center and lots of memorable smaller characters. I loved 20th Century's exploration of a different kind of motherhood than we're used to seeing. I loved that it was a coming-of-age film that wasn't through the kid's point of view, and then wasn't a coming-of-age film after all. It's a movie about parenting that doesn't pretend to be a movie about growing up! (I'm looking at you, Boyhood.) But it's also this amazingly feminist movie about the decisions our mothers make as they raise us and how someone might go about raising a boy so that he doesn't grow up to be a jackass. And it's about the connections we make with people in our lives that last only for a little while but can have an enormous impact on us. It's about getting old. But it's also about living in a world of uncertainty, trying to make sense of a world that doesn't really make sense anymore, trying to understand the way our kids see the world even though we don't see it that way at all. And at the same time, 20th Century is this portrait of a woman who doesn't always tell the truth, who has lots to hide because she is afraid of a lot of things, but who still wants to be open and generous with this kid she loves and wants to raise as best she can. It's so complex and beautiful and funny and quirky, and I absolutely loved it.

Will Win: N/A

Could Win: N/A

My Rating: #2 out of 92

Silence

1 Nomination

• Cinematography: Rodrigo Prieto (Brokeback Mountain)

Director: Martin Scorsese

Cast: Andrew Garfield, Kubozuka Yōsuke, Issei Ogata, Tsukamoto Shin'ya, Adam Driver, Asano Tadanobu, Liam Neeson, Ciarán Hinds, Komatsu Nana, Yoshi Oïda

I didn't really dislike Silence, per se, but this film does not work. It's beautiful, of course, and this is due in large part to Rodrigo Prieto's nominated cinematography here. The production design of the film is also beautiful, and the acting is moving and intriguing (Garfield's performance here is surely one thing that pushed him over the edge for his nomination for Hacksaw). But Scorsese's film makes some very strange – even awkward – filmic choices. Much of the film involves speaking to a god who does not speak back (this is the eponymous silence, the god's silence after a prayer), but then, surprisingly, at a point late in the film the god does speak to Garfield's character. What? Something shifted in me when this happened and the film sort of lost me. It felt like a rule that had been set up for the audience over the long hours of the film had been suddenly and inexplicably broken for a reason I couldn't really understand. One of the reasons I found this choice so troubling is that the majority of Silence is about ethics: What are the choices I should make when faced with terrible violence? What are the choices I should make to save others, even though my decision might force me to do something I wouldn't normally do? What is my duty to my fellow man vs. my duty to my faith? But once the god does talk to a person, those questions are easily resolved. Can't the god just tell you what to do? And why has the god been silent for so long when it had the power of speech up its proverbial sleeve the whole time? This is, perhaps, the film's oddest choice, but there is yet another! The film's third act (which is structured like an epilogue), is actually quite a lengthy plot entirely its own that could be a film in its own right. We jump forward in time several times, and the film's central character, with whom we have spent so much time and whom we understood so well, makes a series of decisions that do not accord with what we know of him. For this third act, the film keeps its distance from the main character, never inviting us into his thoughts the way the first two acts did. This is so weird. We are not asked to dislike this character, we have followed him for too long for that,we are only asked to watch what he has done, but are no longer let into why. In fine, Silence is a complex, very long film that is interesting in its exploration of ethics, but awkward in its execution. Lots to recommend, lots to fault.

Will Win: N/A

Could Win: N/A
My Rating: #55 out of 92

Hail, Caesar!

1 Nomination

• Production Design: Jess Gonchor (True Grit) & Nancy Haigh (True Grit, Dreamgirls, Road to Perdition, Forrest Gump, Bugsy, Barton Fink)

Director: Joel Coen & Ethan Coen

Cast: Josh Brolin, George Clooney, Alden Ehrenreich, Ralph Fiennes, Channing Tatum, Scarlett Johansson, Tilda Swinton, Frances McDormand, Veronica Osorio, Jonah Hill, Allison Pill


This is so much fun. I can't recommend this enough. It is a silly little film, slight even, but it is so good at its own nonsense that it succeeds perfectly. This is a film set in old Hollywood that is really neither ironic nor nostalgic. It is a send-up of Hollywood, but not an ironic one. Instead, it's a fond send-up of Hollywood, one that genuinely loves Hollywood and can laugh at its silliness while taking pleasure in it at the same time. The stars, the glamor, the backstage gossip! The Coen Brothers' look into this is a kind of Chekhovian bit of brilliance that laughs at it all but can't help loving it. Best in show – amid a large number of great actors – turns out to be the relatively unknown Alden Ehrenreich, who is hilarious as an action star who can't act his way out of a paper bag. It's laugh-out-loud hilarious. This is also a really smart movie that involves a surprise cameo from a member of the Frankfurt school and an articulation of some of the goals of twentieth-century American Communism but with a Coen Brothers spin, off course. It's so much fun. Trust me.
Will Win: N/A

Could Win: N/A

My Rating: #18 out of 92

Back to:
Part 1 - La La Land, Moonlight, Arrival
Part 2 - Manchester by the Sea, Hacksaw Ridge, Lion
Part 3 - Fences, Hell or High Water, Hidden Figures, Jackie
Part 4 - Florence Foster Jenkins, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Passengers, Rogue One 
Part 5 - Deepwater Horizon, Kubo and the Two Strings, Moana, A Man Called Ove
Part 6 - Captain Fantastic, Elle, Loving, Nocturnal Animals

Oscar Nominees 2014: Part 3 of 14

The Wolf of Wall Street

5 Nominations

• Picture
• Director: Martin Scorsese (Hugo, The Departed, The Aviator, Gangs of New York, GoodFellas, The Last Temptation of Christ, Raging Bull)
• Actor: Leonardo DiCaprio (What's Eating Gilbert Grape, The Aviator, Blood Diamond)
• Adapted Screenplay: Terence Winter
• Supporting Actor: Jonah Hill (Moneyball)

Director: Scorsese

Cast: DiCaprio, Hill, Margot Robbie, Kyle Chandler, Rob Reiner, Jon Bernthal, Jon Favreau, Joanna Lumley, Jean Dujardin, P.J. Byrne, Kenneth Choi, Brian Sacca, Henry Zebrowski, Matthew McConaughey, Jake Hoffman, Shea Wigham

I am not sure we can call Wolf's performance on the morning of the nominations an enormous surprise given the Academy's apparent love for all things Scorsese; Scorsese's nomination, for one, was a sure thing. But the nominations of Jonah Hill and Leonardo DiCaprio were big surprises. DiCaprio in particular moved into a slot that was predicted to go to either Robert Redford for All Is Lost (more on that when we get to AIL) or Tom Hanks for Captain Phillips, which the Academy apparently loved but didn't love as much as we thought it would. I disliked this movie, and I had heard early on that Academy members were not responding politely to Wolf's unlikable protagonist, its decadence, its smugness, its filthy language, but five nominations is rather a lot, and this, I think, particularly means that Wolf is well liked by the acting branch (i.e. the branch with the most votes). I don't think this translates into any statues on Oscar Sunday, but it just might.
Will Win: N/A

Could Win: Actor, Adapted Screenplay

My Rating: #67 out of 74

Her

5 Nominations

• Picture
• Original Screenplay: Spike Jonze
• Production Design: K.K. Barrett & Gene Serdena
• Original Score: William Butler & Owen Pallett
• Original Song: Spike Jonze & Karen O 

Director: Jonze

Cast: Joaquin Phoenix, Amy Adams, Scarlett Johansson, Rooney Mara, Chris Pratt, Olivia Wilde, Matt Letscher, Portia Doubleday, Laura Kai Chen.

This is so good. I didn't write a regular review about it because, well, it is hard to talk about things that are really, really good. Her is a beautiful and fascinating meditation (it might even be described as a kind of filmic experiment or improvisation) on the theme of our relationships with the sentient and semi-sentient operating systems in our lives. (If you tell me you don't have a relationship with your phone or with your computer you are lying.) But more importantly, Her is about all of our relationships: not just the ones we have with object or operating systems. Samantha, the consciousness that exists in Theodore Twombly's telephone, is just like any other beloved person, any other person with whom one might try to have a relationship. And the film is so smart about her, about how he behaves with her, about what he wants from her. Let me give just one example that I don't think is a spoiler: when I am in a relationship with someone, I have to struggle to remind myself that my beloved is not mine. He feels like mine, sometimes, and of course I occasionally have wanted to possess the men I have loved. And in Her, of course, Samantha is his. She is a conscious, living, being, but he paid for her. He owns her. She works for him. And so she stands in for the fantasy of the beloved whom we can possess, who can become truly and completely our very own and no one else's. What the film does with this is so smart and truthful, that I found myself constantly moved by what happens. It's gorgeous stuff. I should add, too, that Joaquin Phoenix should most definitely have gotten an Oscar nomination for this performance, and if it had been me in charge I would've nominated Amy Adams, as well. I am voting for the Original Screenplay to take home a statue, but it may be that the film has more of a shot in Original Score. Owen Pallett and William Butler's music is probably the most innovative and the most beautiful of the year.

Will Win: Original Screenplay

Could Win: Production Design, Original Score, Original Song

My Rating: #4 out of 75

Philomena

4 Nominations

• Picture
• Actress: Judi Dench (Notes on a Scandal, Mrs Henderson Presents, Iris, Chocolat, Shakespeare in Love, Mrs. Brown) 
• Adapted Screenplay: Steve Coogan & Jeff Pope
• Original Score: Alexandre Desplat (Argo, The King's Speech, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, The Queen) 

Director: Stephen Frears

Cast: Judi Dench, Steve Coogan, Michelle Fairley, Anna Maxwell-Martin, Barbara Jefford, Sophie Kennedy Clark, Mare Winningham, Peter Hermann, Wunmi Mosaku

Philomena is an okay film. I am not sure why everyone is so into it. I guess because it's a true story. People like movies to be (as they say) based on a true story. I've never understood that very much, myself. Anyway, the Academy liked this picture a lot. Dench is brilliant in it and deserves her nomination, but all the other love I find sort of baffling. Best Picture? You'll see what I mean if you see it. Baffling. The score nomination is rather unfortunate too. It's a serviceable score but nowhere near Desplat's best efforts. (Desplat is incredibly prolific at the moment, so why not pick one of his truly excellent scores to nominate? As I say: baffling.) In any case, don't expect this to go home with any Oscars.

Will Win: N/A

Could Win: N/A

My Rating: #53 out of 75

Oscar Nominees 2014: Part 2 of 14

Dallas Buyers Club

6 Nominations

• Picture
• Actor: Matthew McConaughey
• Original Screenplay: Craig Borten
• Supporting Actor: Jared Leto
• Film Editing: John Mac McMurphy
• Makeup

Director: Jean-Marc Vallée

Cast: McConaughey, Leto, Jennifer Garner, Steve Zahn, Denis O'Hare, Dallas Roberts, Griffin Dunne, Deneen Tyler

I didn't really care for this, but six nominations including Best Picture, Film Editing, and Original Screenplay (especially in a year with so many good original screenplays) is a lot of love. The Academy clearly really likes this picture, and there's no reason to think it's going to stop loving it any time soon. McConaughey, who has been doing respectable work for three years now (after all of those years of silly rom-coms) is the overwhelming favorite for his category, and Leto (also never before nominated) is the favorite in his. The other Makeup nominees are The Lone Ranger and Bad Grandpa, so I will expect DBC to win in that category too. In fact, I should probably bet on this to win Screenplay while we're at it, but I just can't bring myself to do so.

Will Win: Actor, Supporting Actor, Makeup

Could Win: Original Screenplay

My Rating: #58 out of 73

Nebraska

6 Nominations

• Picture
• Director: Alexander Payne (The Descendants, Sideways)
• Actor: Bruce Dern (Coming Home)
• Original Screenplay: Bob Nelson
• Supporting Actress: June Squibb
• Cinematography: Phedon Papamichael 

Director: Payne

Cast: Dern, Will Forte, Squibb, Bob Odenkirk, Stacy Keach, Mary Louise Wilson, Rance Howard, Angela McEwan, Tim Driscoll, Devin Ratray,

This has gotten better and better in my mind upon reflection. I think, however, that the opposite is probably true for the Academy. This is a pretty good picture, but one that will have worn out its welcome with voters by the time the Awards roll around. It's a quirky movie, too: a funny film that's subject matter is aging and mortality. It's gorgeously shot, but much of the time the camera's gaze is directed at dilapidated old buildings or claustrophobic interiors. Everyone acknowledges that the acting is stellar, but no one feels as though they know Bruce Dern or June Squibb, and both play characters that are not exactly lovable. Six nominations is a lot of love, but Nebraska is an also-ran this year.

Will Win: N/A

Could Win: N/A

My Rating: #40 out of 73

Captain Phillips

6 Nominations

• Picture
• Adapted Screenplay: Billy Ray
• Supporting Actor: Barkhad Abdi
• Film Editing: Christopher Rouse (The Bourne Ultimatum, United 93)
• Sound Mixing
• Sound Editing 

Director: Paul Greengrass

Cast: Tom Hanks, Abdi, Barkhad Abdirahman, Faysal Ahmed, Mahat M. Ali, Corey Johnson, Michael Chernus, David Warshofsky, Chris Mulkey, Catherine Keener

Big surprises on this front on the morning of the nominations. Captain Phillips was supposed to get a Best Director and a Best Actor nomination, as well. You can see from the love for the film's screenplay and its editing, that a majority of Academy members really loved this picture – its USAmerican imperialist/superiority theme surely helps on this front – and yet Tom Hanks (who is absolutely excellent in the movie) and Paul Greengrass (who was nominated before for his excellent film United 93) were no-shows when the names were read out. It's an odd thing, and I am not sure I know why this happened except that The Wolf of Wall Street really took the slot where this picture would've appeared in the Best Actor and Best Director categories. Maybe if it had been released just a little bit later... who knows. In any case, six nominations or not, don't expect Captain Phillips to go home with any little gold men. It is out of the running in all categories.

Will Win: N/A

Could Win: N/A

My Rating: #50 out of 73

A Fight about The Wolf of Wall Street

Unlike our conversation about The Butler, in which we basically agreed with one another (although he made me smarter about the film than I was being), in this conversation about The Wolf of Wall Street, my friend Carlos and I are back to our usual habit of almost totally disagreeing with each other about a movie.
For me these conversations are always pleasurable, so I hope this is a fun read.

* * * * *

Carlos: I just saw the Wolf. Hoooooo.

Aaron: I'm going soon. Make me feel better about it than I do?

Carlos: I thought it was harrowing. Hilarious. Merciless and at times miserable. Unapologetic and ruthlessly joyous. It made me feel both great pride and great shame as an American. First, that whatever your feelings about the story and characters, it is a truly brilliantly made movie. And being that entertainment is our chief export, we've given the world something great. The great shame stems from the fact that we, as a country, allowed the events of the film to take place, and little has changed. I'm still unpacking it all.

Aaron: Oooooo. Thanks. This makes me feel good about it.

Carlos: Also it makes me wish I could try quaaludes.

Aaron: Haha. I've always wished that.

Carlos: But make sure you go in with the proper reservations and expectations for any post-Gangs-of-New-York Scorsese movie.

Aaron: Fear not. I always have reservations about a Scorsese picture.

Carlos: Because... you know... Hugo.

Aaron: The worst.

Carlos: Worst.

* * * * *

Carlos: So I take it you loved Wolf of Wall Street?

Aaron: No. Thank. You.

Carlos: Hahahahaha.

Aaron: But thanks for alleviating the dread at the top.

Carlos: Well, you shoulda known better if I liked it that much. It is a monument to violent excess, chiefly in execution.

Aaron: Yes, yes yes. But one might've enjoyed oneself. So is La Dolce Vita but that movie comes with a lot of pleasure and then a sucker punch.

Carlos: The sucker punch for me, in the grand scheme of things, is that this man was never fully held accountable for his actions. The last shot crystallized it for me. 

Aaron: But I was so bored by the time we got there. So bored.

God Bless America

Carlos: And the fact that the real Jordan Belfort was the one who introduced movie Belfort at the end. The implications of the film were more terrifying to me than 90% of horror movies. But it is long. And has plenty of repeat beats.

Aaron: I know it is totally cliché (and apropos of the way that people speak about pornography: it's not that it's porn, it's that it's bad art) but I honestly feel as though it isn't that I object to the film's outrageous content – to be fair to Scorsese & co. I spent a fair share of the film laughing at the jokes – but it was all just too much. There was too much! And as you say, plenty of repeat beats. Why did he have to keep yelling into that microphone? And what was the point of repeating his betrayal of his friends? Did we need to watch it twice? I understand the film is about excess. Believe me, I get that. But when you have a helipad on your yacht, and then your main character points out twice that there is a helipad on your yacht (not to mention that I can see with my own eyes that he has a helipad on his yacht, since Rodrigo Prieto's camera is pointed directly at the thing), this is not excess, this is tedium.

Carlos: For me, it was a monument of violent excess both in subject and technical execution. For all these characters too much isn't enough. So that's why we have to hear about his stupid helicopter and hot wife and giant house and and and and.... So on and so forth. I acknowledge the repeated beats, but the didn't really faze me. I thought the pacing was so strong that despite the length I never once found myself bored. Which is where I think you and I differ the most.

Mr. McConaughey

Aaron: The pacing was actually good. And stuff did just keep happening. But the things that happened were actually repetitive. You know what I think I needed? I think I needed it to get actually worse. When you start off smoking crack, when the first moment you get rich you spend $3,000 – or whatever it is – on side dishes, there really isn't anywhere else to go. Everything else is just another version of throwing people at giant targets. The whole film is that: excess after excess, but they are all the same, really.

Let me say the things I liked about it. The first ten minutes with Matthew McConaughey (who was absolutely superb) really articulated how the whole thing worked. As a mentor to Belfort, he made sense of the movie: explained how the actual money works (for those who don't understand the materiality of the stock market) and also articulated (it seemed to me) a clear moral center for the film.

Carlos: McConaughey was absolutely my favorite part of the movie. It was, I thought, really understated and subtly fierce. Like, all we got was the glimpse of the tip of the iceberg, but underneath was this coiled beast of finance. I also appreciated that after McConaughey gave us the rundown of how it all works, Jordan never had to again. Even if he was trying something new, he would spare us the explanation because frankly, it didn't matter. He did it. He got away (for a while) with it. And he made a shit-ton of cash.

Aaron: I also loved the sequence where Belfort finally quits Oakmont (or whatever his firm is called). All of that spontaneous crying from the woman in the Chanel suit and the young stockbrokers: hilarious. I am not sure what the point of it was, but it was quite funny.

Carlos: The quitting sequence was one of the best, and I love that it brought things back to the lessons he learned from McConaughey, down to the weird chest-slamming song. I don't really know how to defend the repetetive beats except to say that they just worked for me, in the same way that Spring Breakers' repeat beats and phrases worked for me. It all felt in keeping with the mise en scène. 

Mr. Hill and his chompers

Can we diverge a bit and talk performances? I gotta say, I hate Jonah Hill. Granted, I didn't see Moneyball because if there are two things I don't give two shits about it's sportsball of any type and math in service of sportsball of any type.

Aaron: Haha. So you hated Jonah Hill in this too?

Carlos: Yes and no. I thought that his performance was cretinous, disgusting, and vile. But that all felt in keeping with the character himself. So this movie allowed me to still hate Jonah Hill but acknowledge that he was well cast in this role. But those teeth. I couldn't get over them. I just wanted to kick them right in. Aside from Jon Bernthal all the cronies sort of disappeared into one another. Which maybe was the point. Well and maybe Rugrat. But I thought that Margot Robbie was just great. And maybe the only remotely sympathetic person in this film besides Belfort's first wife.

Aaron: I really liked Margot Robbie, too. Although, I am not sure how sympathetic she was as a character. She was on the hustle, too, of course. I am so with you on Jonah Hill's teeth. They drove me insane.

Carlos: Like I said: remotely sympathetic. Maybe this is why this movie... not maybe... This is why this movie is so difficult for a lot of people. There really is no one to root for. At all. And if you're rooting for Jordan you're probably an MBA who read Rand in high school and never grew out of it.

Mr. DiCaprio, Ms. Robbie, and Mr. Bernthal

Aaron: Actually, one of my favorite moments from the film is the interplay between DiCaprio and Hill during the sequence where they make fun of the dad and are joking with one another about spending all that money on hookers and sides. The improvisation worked for me there. It was silly and funny and worked.



 Carlos: Oh yes. Most scenes with Reiner were hilarious. That was a really fun casting choice. I mean, I thought the whole thing was really well cast.

Aaron: And Joanna Lumley and Jean Dujardin too. Great casting. But there was so much cartooning! Okay, like, for example. We did not need the scene when the two Roccos get to stare at the Duchess's vagina. It serves no purpose – either for the alleged theme of excess or for plot.

Ms. Lumley with Mr. DiCaprio

Carlos: I'll agree that it may just be too much. But I do think it serves a purpose. At that point Jordan is sober. And aside from the hooker dominatrix (which in the grand scheme of things is really only a minor offense) that scene serves to show us that Jordan, even without the aid of drugs and alcohol, is just as depraved, desperate for attention, and 100% self serving. So let me touch on that hooker thing real fast.

Aaron: Sigh. Okay. But, like, I got that from the film's first act.

Carlos: Well it had been two hours so maybe some of the audience needed a reminder.

Aaron: I didn't. But go ahead with the hooker thing.

Carlos: You, sir, are smarter than the average bear.

Aaron: I am not a bear.

Carlos: Otter. Wolf.

Aaron: Witty.

Carlos: But I digress. Hookers.

So at that point, I think, at least I was feeling, that bangin' hookers ain't no thang. His other offenses both against the country, and his family waaaaaay overshadowed his sex addiction. So that one in particular was serving to show us that because of his voracious appetite not being satiated by his drugs of choice he had to move on to more extreme sources of pleasure. Though that's really all subjective. I think getting whipped a bit and a candle shoved up your ass are small potatoes compared to the mountains of drugs and other debauchery he indulged in. So what I guess I'm getting at is that that scene didn't accomplish what I thought it would.

He's the king of the world.

Aaron: Am I simply desensitized to queer sexual behavior? I didn't think anything of that whatsoever.

Carlos: Nail on the head. But I think it would for people less... jaded, shall we say?

Aaron: Less... practiced?

Carlos: Ha. Yes.

Aaron: But you are agreeing with me now, Carlos.

Carlos: Yes, it just took a roundabout path. Look: for all its warts, Wolf of Wall Street is still among my top three movie going experiences of the year. Pacific Rim still wins out. Would I watch Wolf again anytime soon? Doubtful. From a logistical standpoint, who has that kind of time? The more I think about that movie the sadder I become, and not because I like it less on further reflection. I think it really crystallized a time and place in American culture where we have, as a nation, failed and continue to fail. What's saddest to me is that we even have to make a movie about this. I guess what it all boils down to for me is that I'm glad it's there. But I wish it wasn't.

Aaron: This is sort of how I feel about Gangs of New York.

Carlos: Oof.

Avenging Angels

It has recently become an Oscar-season tradition for my friend Julie and I to get drunk and watch a bad movie together. Last year we watched the Shakespeare fantasy-action movie Anonymous, and more recently we watched the (actually good) fantasy film Snow White and the Huntsman.

Oddly enough, it was difficult for us to think of something awful to watch this year, both of us having already seen Ted, but Julie alighted on The Avengers and her instinct was spot on. It's a long film, so the dialogue does go on quite a bit. And we tend to ramble, as well. But I've put some images next to our chat in case you're feeling as though you want to skip to a more interesting section of the conversation.

Aaron: Yo yo yo!
Julie: Sup!
Aaron: Just pouring my beer. What are you drinking?
Julie: I am going to pop my corn and grab a drink........... RED BEER, 'course! you?
Aaron: This is a White IPA from Harpoon. Fancy stuff and so delicious.
Julie: But is it too fancy for a cheesy comicbook flick? At least the color of my drink is fitting.
Aaron: Well, I thought I'd begin with the good stuff and let it devolve. This movie is long.
Julie: Ugh, these Marvel previews.
Aaron: Oh my god, there are a million. Is Spiderman Turn Off the Dark being promoted?
Julie: Aaron, SPIDER-MAN is not a Marvel character.
Aaron: Oh hahaha. It isn't? [Julie is actually wrong about this.]
Julie: Neither is Superman or Batman. Clearly, Marvel has all the shitty characters no one cares about. Like The Hulk (poor Ang Lee). 
Aaron: Seriously. Poor Ang Lee. And that movie made money, so I don't know why everyone acts like it was a big failure. Also, remember when Sam Mendes directed a Bond movie and everyone loved it?
Julie: Yeah, what was that about?
Aaron: And remember when he directed a movie about abortion and the 1950s and no one loved it? Hahaha.
Julie: HAHAHA. Yes.
Aaron: Is this Transformers?
Julie: I hope it is... I love me those Transformers.
Aaron: I do too! Those are ridiculous.
Julie: Who doesn't? Such fun. Such good sound. But you know that Joss Whedon directed this, right?
Aaron: Oh did he? I get Joss Whedon and J.J. Abrams confused.
Julie: P.S. Why are we watching this? I forget what it is nom'd for.
Aaron: Special Effects. Of the Visual variety.
Aaron: I love this actor. With the glasses. He makes me smile.
Julie: Oh, I thought you loved Sam Jackson. I mean, who doesn't? P.S. this character was written with him in mind! (Don't you love that I know these things now? I am a comic geek!)
Aaron: I love him. So this character is not from the comic books? He's just from the movies?
Julie: No, he's from the 'books. But the later ones. So they wrote him for Sam, basically. Which is obviously the best thing ever.
Aaron: It is! Also, could he have been more genius in Django Unchained?
Julie: He could have, and then perhaps he would've been nom'd.
Aaron: Julie!
Julie: No, I loved him! I'm saying the Academy sucks! Also, I have no idea what's going on... I haven't been listening.
Aaron: This thing – which is called a tesseract – is "misbehaving". It's a gateway to another world or planet or something. Maybe like in Thor? Jeremy Renner just said "It's a door right? Doors open from both sides."
Julie: Yes! Thor is going to show up. Chris Hemsworth. I am excited. This is his evil brother, by the way.
Aaron: Tom Hiddleston is the villain from Thor. I saw Thor.
Julie: Of course you did. *eyebrow raise*
Aaron: What? I thought it was a lot of gay fun. There was glitter and rainbows. And Tom Hiddleston is like a gay villain or something. I love a gay villain.
Julie: It makes me think of Adventures in Babysitting. I do hope you've seen that. It is a staple of our 80s youth.
Aaron: Don't fuck with the babysitter.
Julie: YES! Nobody leaves here without singin' the blues.
Aaron: I wasn't reading the Bible the whole time I was a child.
Julie: But I thought you didn't know what a TV was until you went to college?
Aaron: I watched TV beginning at age 11. Sam Jax just got shot!!
Julie: So much good TV happened before '92, Aaron. I am sad for you. SLJ will be fine. Motherfucker doesn't know how to die.
Aaron: And I am sorry that you missed Dark Shadows and Dallas.
Julie: Well, Dallas has been remade, so I shan't miss it.
Aaron: haha.
Julie: So far I think The Dark Knight Rises (or whatever it was titled) had better visuals than this. What was that blue mess?
Aaron: It did. I wonder why they snubbed The Dark Knight Rises.
Julie: They were mad that it otherwise sucked.
Aaron: Seems odd. They liked the last two so much. Oh that was a cool effect!
Julie: I missed it. I was thinking about Tom Hardy.
Aaron: Sam Jax just jumped from a crashing helicopter. Who is Laura Dern's younger lookalike supposed to be?

Julie: Cobie Smulders?
Aaron: You just said a name I do not recognize.
Julie: She is an agent. No one likes her, though she's super-competent (i.e. boring.)

Aaron: I see. You are a wealth of knowledge.
Julie: How I Met Your Mother. Neil Patrick Harris. I am a fountain.
Aaron: What does that have to do with How I Met Your Mother?
Julie: She's in it. And so is NPH.
Aaron: Oh. TV. You know I don't care about TV.
Julie: Ohh... Scar Jo. Two days ago I saw you as Maggie the Cat... and now you're basically CatWoman. How the mighty have fallen.
Aaron: Haha. She is playing Maggie the Cat? How is she?
Julie: Eh... ok. She's the best part of the show, which is pretty sad (for Rob Ashford). She is not a good redhead.
Aaron: Speaking of how the mighty have fallen.
Julie: Who?
Aaron: Rob Ashford.
Julie: Yes, he got really bad reviews for this show. My heart is sad for him. Oooh, that was a fun flip.
Aaron: That one too!
Julie: This guy she's talking to is not in the books
Aaron: That's the one I like!
Julie: He is written in here to represent the Everyman, i.e. he has no cool powers. Mark! The Hulk! Where's Ang?
Aaron: I didn't see the Hulk movie. But I think I saw all the other ones. Who directed the second Hulk?
Julie: There was a second Hulk?
Aaron: Oh yes. I think Edward Norton was in it.
Julie: Louis Leterrier or something. Never heard of him.
Aaron: Hm.
Julie: At least Ang came back from the Hulk. Eric Bana never did.
Aaron: Poor Eric Bana. What a hottie.
Julie: Right?
Aaron: He was great in that bad Judd Apatow movie. I still think he's good.
Julie: He was in an Apatow movie?
Aaron: Funny People.
Julie: Ohhh. Yeah, didn't see that mess.
Aaron: That was wise.
Julie: Mark is looking a little schlubby here. Remember when he was hot?  
Aaron: Mark Ruffalo was never hot. You are misremembering.
Julie: Hmm. Really? I saw him in person once. He looked pretty hot.
Aaron: I mean I think he's hot, but he has always looked a little worn. Remember he became famous in You Can Count on Me.
Julie: I never saw that either!
Aaron: Oh! It's so good!
Julie: Stop referencing things I don't know about. I want to feel smart.
Aaron: Hahaha. That was the 2000 Oscar season. What were you doing with your life?
Julie: What was I doing with my life? Freshman in college = mess.
Aaron: It's Captain America! Yay. Did you see that movie?
Julie: Hahaha, no. Absolutely not.
Aaron: It's really bad. Haha. Thor is way better.
Julie: I wish Green Lantern was in this. I love me some Ryan Reynolds.
Aaron: I missed that one. The effects looked so bad I didn't think I could stomach it.
Julie: Shit, he was a DC character. See? None of the Marvel characters is fun. Yeah, it was supposed to be pretty wretched. But Ryan!
Aaron: They are fun! Iron Man?
Julie: Blech. Overrated.
Aaron: Sam Jax just bet Captain America 10 bucks. And I laughed out loud.
Julie: Sam Jax always wins. And he should always wear an eyepatch.

Aaron: Gwyneth Paltrow is in this? How delightful.
Julie: Sarcasm? I hope?
Aaron: You don't like Gwyneth Paltrow?
Julie: Ew. She's the worst. Her ridiculous blog makes me want to kill myself.
Aaron: I love her. I think she's adorable. And I love her bangs. I am not following her blog. Does she, like, talk about her kids and shit?
Julie: She is all, like, pretentious about food and stuff that she has no authority to be pretentious about.
Aaron: You are mean.
Julie: People have regularly made fun of it, A-ron. I cannot believe you have not heard of this.
Aaron: I am sure she's not prententious She's lovely.
Julie: She's awful. Stop defending the bitch.
Aaron: Bitch? Julie!
Julie: Aaron! Everyone thinks so. Where have you been? P.S. I am out of beer. Are you keeping up?
Aaron: Well I like her. I am keeping up. I promise.
Julie: That's because you like bitches. Hence, our friendship.
Aaron: HAHA. Facts. We are 30 minutes in.
Julie: Oh my god, I'm going to be so drunk.

Aaron: Oh my god, this is homophobic.
Julie: What just happened?! I was getting beer!
Aaron: Well they have Phil saying things like "I watched you while you were sleeping" and then Captain America like raises his eyebrow like "are you a homo?"
Julie: Perhaps the actor is a homophobe.
Aaron: And then Phil is talking about how he redesigned Captain America's costume.
Julie: With nipples? Like the Batman suit?
Aaron: Dear lord I hope so.
Julie: Who is this Darth Vader wannabe?
Aaron: I don't know.
Julie: This looks like Tron. Which was decidedly not nominated for Visual Effects.
Aaron: Wasn't it? Tron did get some nominations, didn't it?
Julie: Only Sound Editing.
Aaron: Oh yeah! Haha. Poor Tron. It really was very bad. But I rather liked it. The art direction of this film is absurd. It looks like Transformers.
Julie: slash Tron!
Aaron: See! More homophobia. They're making Phil into a pseudo-gay character.
Julie: Am I homophobic for not catching any of the homophobia?
Aaron: No. Just not used to hearing it like I am, probably.
Julie: Now it looks like Battleship! Which was nominated for a bunch of Razzies, by the way. We should totes watch it.
Aaron: No thanks. There are a lot of good things I want to watch.
Julie: Oh, you're no fun.
Aaron: Lot of white people on this bridge. Hahaha. Sorry. I can only handle so many bad movies. And I watched The Man with the Iron Fists.
Julie: Why would you do that? (Without me?)
Aaron: Hahaha. To put the F-U in Kung Fu.
Julie: Oh dear.

Aaron: Mark Ruffalo is talking about science. Gamma rays, spectrometers, anti-protons.
Julie: He is basically Jeff Goldblum in Independence Day. Oh, I get it! This was Renner's warm-up for Hansel and Gretel!
Aaron: A horrible reference. May I never think of Jeff Goldblum.
Julie: Jurassic Park!
Aaron: Are we about to have some action, finally? It has been 40 minutes. That eye thing was cool.
Julie: I think these effects are pretty lame.
Aaron: They are. This won't win.
Julie: You're right: Snow White will.
Aaron: Haha. I wish! Life of Pi is going to win Visual Effects.
Julie: Probably. But Prometheus was really pretty – though it had absolutely nothing else going for it.
Aaron: Not much, no. But the effects were really cool in Prometheus.
Julie: Why does his gold suit go away? I'd wear it all the time.
Aaron: He was surrendering. But I'm with you. If you have a fabulous outfit, you wear it as often as possible.
Julie: Right? If nothing else, that's what we learned from the Evil Queen Charlize.
Aaron: She has many lessons to teach us.
Julie: So true. Like how to suck her albino brother's lifeblood/soul/something. 45 minutes in. I'm drunk.
Aaron: Oh I like this emotional brother scene. Thor was a big glittery business. You missed out. It was even directed by Kenneth Branagh.
Julie: I am not sure I did. Now I'm positive I didn't.
Aaron: Hahaha. I just laughed out loud again.
Julie: But why? Hahaha.
Aaron: "I'm listening." That was a good joke. SHAKESPEARE IN THE PARK?!??! Bahahaha.

Julie: Thor's hair is almost as good as our crimped friend's from Anonymous.
Aaron: I am just glad there is more action happening.
Julie: I am glad you are finding humor in this mess. I am not.
Aaron: This is, admittedly, a terrible film. But I have laughed three times. So all is not lost.
Julie: It's really bad, right? If nothing else, the visuals should be good, and they are not. This is most unfortunate.
Aaron: As usual in a Marvel film, too. These people have a million awesome technologies for killing each other and yet all they do is trade punches.
Julie: Ooooh he's flying.
Aaron: He jumped.
Julie: Fly-jumped. Whatever.
Aaron: Like Michael Jordan.
Julie: Hahaha! Just like.

Aaron: His hair really is fabulous. You're right. This movie is directed so weirdly.
Julie: Thank you. I'm trying to focus on the good.
Aaron: The styles differ so widely!
Julie: I think it's 'cause they don't know whose story it is. Right? Everyone's a star.
Aaron: Yeah. Which is weird, because it's Loki's story, right? And yet that's Tom Hiddleston. Not one of the stars.
Julie: No, he's the bad guy. It can't be the bad guy's story in a comicbook movie.
Aaron: I think the star is actually Chris Hemsworth's biceps.
Julie: Oh my god, his hair! offically my favorite thing. after sam's eyepatch.
Aaron: Samuel L. Jackson. He is so much fun.
Julie: Always. Though I'm afraid he's a bit crazypants. Then again, most actors are.
Aaron: Like in real life or just in this movie. I laughed at another joke.
Julie: In real life.
Aaron: "He's adopted." Good joke.
Julie: Also, his twitter is incoherent. Is it really him? I'm not sure, but I had to unfollow him.
Aaron: Are you watching The Avengers?
Julie: I am bored by this film.
Aaron: Yeah. So much talk!
Julie: Transformers was way more fun.
Aaron: Yeah, Transformers always had giant motherfucking set pieces. This has a lot of talk, a lot of morality, and Captain America's earnestness.
Julie: Yeah, so much earnestness. Blah.

Aaron: He's hot though, Chris Evans, don't you think? I loved him in Sunshine.
Julie: Also, why is the cinematography so muted? These colors are dull. I want my superheroes to be bright and fun.
Aaron: That's what I was saying when we were on that ship!
Julie: Sunshine... did we see that? I have a vague recollection of being in that student life cinema
Aaron: Yes! It was. I love that movie. Danny Boyle.
Julie: And Cillian Murphy! I don't remember it much, though.
Aaron: Samuel Jackson should be in this movie more.
Julie: Truth.
Aaron: He should be the lead.
Julie: Well, he kind of is, right? Because he's in charge of them all.
Aaron: Yeah, but the film isn't as interested in him as it is in the others.
Julie: That's because he's black. This film is racist! Also, he has the best name. Nick FURY.

Aaron: Truth. I don't think it's about racism. I think it's about not knowing how to direct a movie. This is directed like television ought to be directed.
Julie: Well, he is all about the TV. And he does it well.
Aaron: Switching between stories, not having a main character.
Julie: Perhaps we should just drink more.
Aaron: This is good TV, but movies don't work well like this. I am drinking. Tom Hiddleston is great.

Julie: Sam wearing a blue tooth?
Aaron: Black people love bluetooth.
Julie: hahahahaha
Aaron: My sister never takes hers off. THIS CINEMATOGRAPHY. This is fucking awful.
Julie: SO BAD. What the fuck is happening?
Aaron: They're fighting and I think that little sword thing like knows or something.
Julie: Why did we go upside down?
Aaron: Now we're seeing everything in closeup! It's like Les Mis! Are you hoping they sing, because I am.
Julie: Nothing is like Les Mis, A-ron. Nothing. Captain America really wants to burst into song.
Aaron: Nine is like Les Mis. (Mark Ruffalo is a great actor. For real.)
Julie: No, Nine had Daniel Day-Lewis. Les Mis had Russell Crowe.
Aaron: Those are equivalent.

Julie: I just want you to know that this cinematographer did We Need to Talk About Kevin.
Aaron:  What? That movie is shot in an interesting way!
Julie: And Anna Karenina.
Aaron: And Anna Karenina is shot gorgeously.
Julie: I'm just telling ya the facts.
Aaron: This is the director's fault, clearly.
Julie: Hahaha. I like to blame directors, too. Let's go with that. HULK! I wish Ang Lee was with us in this moment. He's good, that Ang. And so damn cute.

Aaron: Isn't he? I totally agree. Samuel L. Jackson is saving this film right now. These effects, Julie. They look so fake! Did you like Life of Pi?
Julie: I thought it was pretty.
Aaron: Oh this Hulk is what the Visual Effects nomination is for, I guess.
Julie: There was too much god going on in that film, though.
Aaron: Right?
Julie: Between that and Les Mis, I was godded out.
Aaron: And it is unrelated to the plot.
Julie: Precisely.
Aaron: The novel (as you know) has way more god. As does the 1935 film with Fredric March.
Julie: Like Jane Eyre! at least adaptations of that book always cut out the god crap. I don't know why novelists love the god so much.
Aaron: They were old.
Julie: Life of Pi is not old!
Aaron: Oh, Yann Martel isn't! Hahaha. If we can return to The Avengers for the moment. We have totally departed from the actual plot of the film. And now we're watching a set piece. So I guess that's something. I think there's another hour left.
Julie: Hahaha. What beer are you on?
Aaron: I am 2 IPAs in. High alcohol content. Going to open another one now.
Julie: I am also almost done with my second red beer. for some reason, this drink makes me drunk quickly. Perhaps because it tastes like fruit juice.
Aaron: Sensible.

Julie: This is so bad. Remember Hugo? That film was pretty.
Aaron: It was. But also boring.
Julie: True. But this film is boring and ugly. Killer combo.
Aaron: How did Thor get inside the cell that was supposed to be holding Loki?
Julie: He is magic. Magic hair.
Aaron: I love both of their hair.
Julie: I don't know. His bro's is quite greasy. Oh no! Everyman died!

Aaron: Phil. Phil-in-the-blank. Gay characters always die. These effects really are embarassing.
Julie: Oh, he didn't die after all. So this film isn't homophobic!
Aaron: Um. I think it still is.
Julie: And I think it's racist. So we'll have to agree to disagree.
Aaron: The two are hardly mutually exclusive. As you know.
Julie: Oh, he died. So you are right.
Aaron: Everyone is having a lot of feelings about this guy. We're learning plot information now.
Julie: Poorly crafted exposition.
Aaron: This should be an act three monologue, but there are 50 minutes left in the movie.
Julie: Who wrote this mess? Oh, Zak Penn who wrote every other terrible superhero movie. That explains things.
Aaron: What else did he write? Mark Ruffalo is naked now! Nice.
Julie: The Incredible Hulk. Elektra. X-Men.
Aaron: Oh. Bad shit.
Julie: Fantastic Four, too.
Aaron: Yikes.
Julie: Yeeeahhhh. COLOR!
Aaron: Why would they even hire him.
Julie: I wish the whole movie looked like this. Oh, it went away. What the fuck was that?
Aaron: That hypercolor was a welcome change.
Julie: That lasted 2 seconds. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Aaron: Seriously. I am drinking more. Jeremy Renner is looking good.

Julie: That is because of the alcohol. Although his hair is nicely gelled.
Aaron: Sometimes I like arms.
Julie: As in biceps?
Aaron: Yes. What was the other option? Arms and the Man? What am I, George Bernard Shaw?
Julie: Well it was such an odd comment, I thought it best to clarify.
Aaron: He just called Loki a diva. This movie is getting gaaaaayyyer. This white girl really is very boring. No wonder all the fanboys hate her.
Julie: Scar Jo is white. She is boring too.
Aaron: Yeah. She is.
Julie: "I have an army."
Aaron: "We have a Hulk"
Julie: "I have a Hulk." BAM. hahahahaha
Aaron: Bam? It's so boring.
Julie: I know. I was being sarcastic.
Aaron: These jokes. Performance Issues?
Julie: You like them, remember?
Aaron: Only, like, 1/3 of them.
Julie: That is still way more than is appropriate for a film of this caliber, A-ron.
Aaron: Well I am drinking. It leads one toward generosity.
Julie: And I'm clearly not drinking enough.
Aaron: Well no one is drinking enough to think these special effects are good. I think the war is starting to happen. And not a moment too soon. 100 minutes in.
Julie: There is only... THE WAR. Ahahahahahaha
Aaron: I mean, they look like they're standing in front of a green screen.
Julie: Right? The worst.
Aaron: They're gods from another planet. So they punch each other. They literally must have no access to technologies of any kind.

Julie: What the hell is that?
Aaron: Megatron?
Julie: It's kind of Transformers-like... I like it. Hahahahahahaha
Aaron: I love Chris Hemsworth's British accent.
Julie: Thor better not die!
Aaron: It really is like Shakespeare in the Park. He will not die. He has to go back to Natalie Portman.
Julie: Haha
Aaron: It really is shocking how few people of color are in this. You are so right about how racist it is.
Julie: Yes. Sondheim should've scored this.
Aaron: Bahahaha!
Julie: Are there any black comic book characters though?
Aaron: Plenty! Who did score this?
Julie: Alan Silvestri.
Aaron: Seriously? The Forrest Gump guy?
Julie: Forrest Gump. Blech. And Beowulf! AHAHAHA
Aaron: Where's your feather theme now, bitch?
Julie: And Lara Croft! He is good.
Aaron: He actually is.

Aaron: I just laughed out loud again. "So... this all seems... horrible."
Julie: Oh, Aaron. You and your jokes.
Aaron: Are we alone in thinking this is bad? I think people liked this movie.
Julie: I think they did too. I don't get it.

Aaron: I can't believe The Avengers got this nomination, actually. I liked John Carter's effects better.
Julie: We could probably name at least 5 films that had better effects.
Aaron: I think so too!
Julie: The Academy is ridiculous.
Aaron: As we know. This year is definitely the weirdest year ever, though. Since Driving Miss Daisy and Do the Right Thing, surely. Sam Jax just said "stupid ass decision". I love him.
Julie: Me too. 1990 was a weird year, you are correct.

Aaron: The weirdest year. But 2013 might be weirder.
Julie: I do not like this year. It is making me upset.
Aaron: Oh I am a fan. But, then, I like surprises. As long as I have surprises I'm happy.

Julie: Was Stellan Skarsgård always in this film?
Aaron: Hahaha. From, like, the first 2 minutes.
Julie: Whoa. I might as well have not watched any of this. I clearly am retaining nothing.
Aaron: Whenever I crash through glass somehow I manage not to bleed, as well.
Julie: Well, that makes sense.
Aaron: There are another 20 minutes in this flick.
Julie: Indeed. Totally necessary. There's Stellan again! How fun.
Aaron: I can't believe you have missed him this whole time. In act one, Loki converted him to his side like he did with Jeremy Renner.
Julie: Dude, it's the red beer. I blame the red beer. And this film's badness. Oh, whatever. I'd rather be watching him in Dragon Tattoo. Remember that one? Why am I so nostalgic for last year. What a horrible year.
Aaron: Haha. Stellan was not good in Dragon Tattoo. You need to release your love for last year. This year is better. Just weirder.
Julie: I LOVED lots of films this year, but they are all getting backlash now. So I am bitter.

Aaron: Actually I do think last year was better than this year. Well, I think there will be reverse backlash. I am predicting Zero Dark to take a bunch. ("Please tell me nobody kissed me". Gotta get in one more homophobic joke!)
Julie: A bunch? it was only nom'd for five.
Aaron: Well, I think it will take more than Life of Pi.
Julie: I think it will get actress, that is all.
Aaron: You are wrong.
Julie: I don't know, Pi has lots of technology that looks and sounds pretty.
Aaron: Well, I think Zero Dark comes back. Like Black Hawk Down.
Julie: Black Hawk only won 2.
Aaron: Black Hawk made a huge comeback. It was the talk of that year! What was that, 02?
Julie: Yes.
Aaron: I think Zero Dark makes a similar comeback. I could be wrong, obviously, but I think so.
Julie: That's not much of a comeback. It was a slap in the face not to nominate her. Even Ridley got a nom. Oh my god, it's over. What happened?
Aaron: Allegedly there is another 10 minutes in it, though. Must be a button at the end of the credits. There usually is with the Marvel movies.
Julie: Oh I am so excited. And I still have half a beer.
Aaron: So do I!
Julie: I feel we can remedy this.
Aaron: Oh my god so there will be a sequel.
Julie: That was stupid. Of course there will be a sequel. It's a comic book! There will be TEN sequels!

Aaron: Hahahaha. This song was not nominated.
Julie: I don't see why not. It is equally as good as the one from Ted.
Aaron: You exaggerate. The lyric of this song is "Like the sun we will live to rise again"
Julie: "Like the sun we will learn to rise... AGAAAAAAAINNNNNN." HAHA. These lyrics are the best They are definitely equal to those of the Les Mis song.
Aaron: Like the sun we will live to rise. / Like the sun we will live and die.
Julie: Like the sun we will live and die.
Aaron: ???
Julie: HAHAHA
Aaron: The sun dies?
Julie: It seems so.
Aaron: This movie sucked. But, Julie: Was it better than Les Mis?
Julie: Oh. I don't know, actually. They were both wretched. And at least this one had Sam Jax. So I think it was better.
Aaron: Like the sun we will live to rise again.
Julie: Again......
Aaron: Hahahahaha.
Julie: Well, I wish I could say this was a pleasure... but I'm not sure it was. Wait. There is more! Seriously, what the fuck was that?
Aaron: That was a bunch of white people having burgers.
Julie: I hate this film. Well, I finished my beer, so I suppose that really is the end.