Australian New Wave IV

Gallipoli is almost perfect. I have so many good things to say. In addition to being a wonderful love letter to Australia – like all films in the Australian New Wave – its also a brilliant anti-war film. It does its anti-war work by not showing the war, barely even showing the fighting. This film is an obvious inspiration for both Heartbreak Ridge and 1917 – also both excellent war movies. But Weir's film is also not merciless. Most of the movie is pleasurable, even fun, and the war is made to look silly, in many ways, as, I suppose, so many people treated the war. It's so very silly... until it isn't. The third act of this movie is outright bloody genius. There was a moment, very late in the film, when I screamed at how good Weir's choices were. I literally was just cheering on the way Weir represented the violence of war. (I'm not a normal person.) And the film's end is heartbreaking, devastating. I actually just curled up and sobbed when it was over. I loved this movie.

Julie and I Watch J.Lo's Boy Next Door

Aaron: I am here!
Julie: Wooo!
Aaron: What are you drinking? Corona?
Julie: Corona Light. But please note that I've already had tequila and rosé. You?
Aaron: Rosé. The vinho verde is on sale. It is good, too.
Julie: Lovely.
Aaron: Oh my god this movie. I am so excited.
Julie: Can I tell you two things:
1) I love J.Lo. I'm not gonna lie. She's great.
2) I'm already sad that this is only 91 minutes long.
Aaron: I think that bodes well for the movie.
Julie: She is already acting.
Aaron: She is so sexy. For real.
Julie: KRISTIN CHENOWETH!
Aaron: I cannot believe KChenoweth is in this!
Julie: Now we know why Justin watched this: dramaturgical research for working with her on On the Twentieth, amirite?
Aaron: Haha. Look at this shot of the butcher knife.
Julie: Ominous. I want this to be actually scary.
Aaron: All of the camera angles are slightly lower too. Like Mommie Dearest. By which I mean a horror movie.
Julie: Well, yes, it is a horror movie, no?

Aaron: This thing is moving right along. I mean, my goodness.
Julie: That garage door is going to come down on her just like in Scream. And the abs have entered the scene!
Aaron: This is a nice homoerotic moment. But, like, the 19-year-old boy clearly has no relationship with this old man. Oh my god exposition.
Julie: We ♥ exposition.

Aaron: Isn't it interesting how these two pretty people are clearly adults but are supposed to be highschoolers, but this little teenager is also supposed to be a highschooler?
Julie: Is it interesting, though?

Specs!

Aaron: Just typical, I guess.
Julie: That score. Who wrote this? Nathan Barr and Randy Edelman.
Aaron: Together?
Julie: Those are the fools in charge of the sound we are hearing.
Aaron: J.Lo is adorable, though.
Julie: If I was a 19 year old boy, I'd stalk J.Lo too. Let's make a note.
Aaron: Totally.
Julie: She is 46 and hot as fuck. Sexy librarian glasses!
Aaron: If I was that old man I would stalk J.Lo.
Julie: HAHA.

Aaron: I am loving how homoerotic this is. This little boy loves his new hot friend. The camera also loves him.
Julie: I love how the camera fetishizes him but not her.
Aaron: So far.
Julie: Well, right. We'll see.
Aaron: The history of cinema teaches us it's bound to happen.
Julie: You don't know! Rob Cohen might be different!

Aaron: We are talking about the plot of the Iliad right now?
Julie: Why are we talking about the Iliad? This movie is not going to pretend to be smart. For the love, just embrace your stupidity!
Aaron: Oh my god I love KChenoweth right now. That line "oh, poets" was gold.
Julie: He is going to give her a first edition of the Iliad! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Aaron: The first edition! Hahaha. It's so good.
Julie: OK, Let's be honest, we were waiting for this moment. So good.
Aaron: I have to look up this actual edition.

Julie: There's the booty. You're right. (I can't believe I just typed “booty”.)
Aaron: (Neither can I.) Oh but now we are seeing his ass! Amazing. The forbidden fruit!
Julie: Mmmmm. So good. I can't believe KC just said “give him head”. I hope she was paid well for this.
Aaron: Oh my god. What a terrible date.
Julie: If my options were this old douchebag or the hot boy next door… I mean. Y'know the answer.
Aaron: Imagine insulting a girl on the first date! Firecracker!?? This is some racist bullshit.
Julie: This is like every date I've ever been on. A living nightmare.
Aaron: Oh my god. I would die. Is dating really like this?
Julie: Harry Potter reference!
Aaron: "J.K. Rowling. Billionaire. Classics major."
Julie: BOOM.

Aaron: J.Lo's glass of wine is as big as mine.
Julie: Drink that wine, girl. I need another beer.
Aaron: Don't leave while they are having sex!
Julie: Haha, I'm back just in time.
Aaron: Why is she saying "this is wrong"? Like, why is it wrong?
Julie: Because he is basically a child. Her son's friend.
Aaron: Whatever.
Julie: This is terrible. It is totally saying that women really mean yes when they say no. J.Lo, I am disappointed in you.
Aaron: It totally is.
Julie: What is this mess rated?
Aaron: This is definitely saying that. She keeps saying no and she most certainly does not mean no.
Julie: Yeah, it's really disturbing. Shit, this is R.
Aaron: I don't know, but you were not kidding about fetishizing his body. This film is obsessed with this dude's body.
Julie: I better see some side penis.
Aaron: Ok, but like, why is this weird music happening? Is she enjoying the sex? I don't get it.

Julie: Yes, apparently. But they want us to know she is going to be punished for enjoying it. This movie hates women.
Aaron: The music makes it seem like a really traumatizing event instead of a pleasurable one. No she did not fall asleep naked on the sofa!!
Julie: She is now shamed. See. So hateful of women having sex and enjoying it.
Aaron: Oh shit. He's already lost his mind!
Julie: Good. I'm tired of this movie hating her. It's time to dislike him.
Aaron: We are 25 minutes into this movie and he is already losing his shit?
Julie: This is how these types of movies work, A-ron. They beat you over the head with the crazy. It's played for the lowest common denominator.
Aaron: This is bad. This movie makes her into a complete idiot. How can any person be this dumb?
Julie: Why is she being all panicky and crazy? This sucks. "It got pretty wet here." Eww.
Aaron: Hahaha.
Julie: "I love your mother's cookies." Seriously?
Aaron: It's something a teenager would say at least.

Julie: Yes, please blame your cheating on her. Please.
Aaron: "Don't be a bitch about me cheating on you."
Julie: THIS MOVIE IS WRITTEN BY A WOMAN. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK.
Aaron: NO fucking WAY. This woman hates women.
Julie: I can't. I fucking can't.
Aaron: You can. This is the world in which we live.
Julie: This is her only writing credit. Obviously. Hateful hack.
Aaron: Thankfully there are great women filmmakers in the world.

Aaron: He is quoting the Iliad! Hahaha. This movie pretends that the Iliad was written in English.
Julie: Haha. It pretends a lot of things, Aaron. That is the least of our problems.
Aaron: Like he can just quote the "book".
Julie: Her home office is beautiful. I would like the set designer to do that for my apartment, thank you.
Aaron: Me too! Maybe I will do that in Orlando. This movie is actually so boring.
Julie: Yes! Hire Lisa Son! A woman involved in this crap that actually does good work!
Aaron: I want it to be more exciting, Julie.
Julie: It is boring. I can't drink fast enough to enjoy it.
Aaron: There are books all over this house! I like it. They're really pretty.
Julie: I'd like to live there. Without the creepy kid next door.

Julie: You know what this boxing means: the son is totally going to save the day with the boxing moves he's learning. I guarantee it.

Mr. Richardson

Aaron: I hope so. This little boy looks like Andy Richardson, the boy who played Crutchie in Newsies. Oh yeah this child is like allergic to shit. I forgot.
Julie: He is!
Aaron: I forgot about that.
Julie: What the fuck is he allergic to in this scene?
Aaron: Plot point! The teenager will be welcomed back into J.Lo's good graces.
Julie: Also, are we supposed to like creep-o because he saved this kid?
Aaron: He saved the life of the son. No. We aren't supposed to like him; she is.
Julie: Well, if I'm confused, you know the director doesn't actually have a p.o.v.
Aaron: I like KChenoweth in this. She is funny.
Julie: She is, for sure. Are you drunk? I feel like there's no alcohol in these beers.
Aaron: I am not drunk enough for this movie. No one went to this, right?
Julie: No one is drunk enough for this movie.

Julie: Why is the camera looking down on him and up to her? Awkward.
Aaron: I have no idea. How weird. Wait, is this girl like scared of the psycho boy? Is that what's happening? Did he threaten her into going on that date?
Julie: No, I didn't get that feeling. By the way, is that a purple car?
Aaron: No, that is the bad cinematography. This film hates sex. And women. Sex = violence and death.
Julie: It only hates women having sex. Aaron, that is a classic horror movie trope. You didn't think The Boy Next Door would re-invent the wheel, did you?
Aaron: I don't watch this stuff. That's your thing.
Julie: Horror movies punish anyone who has sex. Especially women.

Aaron: Wait, the film is in his head now? This is a huge switch.
Julie: This movie doesn't know whose movie it wants it to be.
Aaron: Does a horror film normally do that?
Julie: He just called her a whore. And she didn't even flinch. WTF.
Aaron: I have no idea.
Julie: Before she was panicky, and now she's all, “no big deal”.
Aaron: I need more rosé.

Julie: These skateboarders are not going to end well. There we go. Oh SHIT. Motherfucker pushed KC.
Aaron: This boy needs to go to jail right now.
Julie: This movie is also OK with domestic violence. Yay.
Aaron: No it isn't. It at least stops there.
Julie: You sure?
Aaron: What the fuck! How can this movie actually do what it is doing? Like, the only thing anyone had to say about this movie was the Iliad? Who left this movie thinking about the Iliad?
Julie: Yep.
Aaron: I mean, if you are J.Lo and you teach at a school, people are going to pretend that they had sex with you and want to have sex with you, right?
Julie: Yes. Absolutely.
Aaron: But this movie enjoys watching this man commit sexual violence on her. And thinks it is fun to punish her for having sex with an adult.
Julie: Yeah. It's really uncomfortable.
Aaron: It's fucking offensive.
Julie: Well, she was having sex with a kid who goes to the school she teaches at. Which is super-inapro. So we can see this girl's tits? Awesome.
Aaron: But like, she didn't know that. He's nineteen. And now he is expelled, so it's not an issue.
Julie: He's a pretty industrious little fucker, isn't he? Is she seriously going to be caught in this shit right now?
Aaron: With lots of time on his hands. He has time to have sex with that woman and break into the classroom?
Julie: An early riser apparently.

Ian Nelson is not terrible in this.

Julie: Haha. I love the slo-mo key shot.
Aaron: It's very phallic. Did we ever figure out what his allergic reaction was in the gymnasium? Oh my god that car really is purple.
Julie: No, because it makes no sense. Is it??? Oh, it is.
Aaron: This boy is like acting.
Julie: Why is everyone in this movie becoming a crazy person? Ahaha, I love the voice break. Nice touch, young man. That is a middle-age crisis car, for real.
Aaron: His acting is kinda good. I am proud of this actor.
Julie: Mid-life, rather. Maybe I'm drunker than I thought.
Aaron: Hahaha.
Julie: I love the random slo-mo. It's making my life right now.
Aaron: This woman needs to put a restraining order on this man next door. Not that I trust the police to handle shit.
Julie: Right? This kid is gonna grow up to be a cop. Pee break.
Aaron: You are missing the physical and sexual harassment that is happening here. And how can she be the only one who thinks this boy is cray?
Julie: KC thinks he's crazy. But she's a woman, so no one cares/believes her.
Aaron: True. But this film thinks female friendship is annoying, right? J.Lo told KC to mind her own business.
Julie: Yes. When they're together, women only talk about men.
Aaron: So instead of them having a supportive helpful relationship that actually keeps other women safe they just cut each other down and compete with one another.
Julie: Yeah, it's playing on the stereotype. Charming. Wait, there's a video?
Aaron: Why would she lose her son? I don't understand this.
Julie: How did I miss that?
Aaron: Oh yes. You were peeing.
Julie: Haha. I miss all the vital info due to tiny bladder syndrome.
Aaron: There's video. We haven't seen it though. It might be a lie.
Julie: Oh, it's a lie. Obvs.
Aaron: Notice that the uncle with whom he is living has totally disappeared.
Julie: That's because he killed him.
Aaron: HA.
Julie: C'mon, Aaron. Horror movie. Haha.
Aaron: Also, someone this crazy gets caught by other people for sure. He can't terrorize only J.Lo. Like, he would get arrested and shit.
Julie: You know this is oddly similar to J.Lo's other horrible film, Enough. But she got really badass at the end of that one, so I'm hoping she (wo)mans up.

Aaron: She is looking for a video behind a clock? Oh the camera. Haha. Find the video, girl. Fuck the camera.
Julie: She is going to find the uncle's body. For reals.
Aaron: She totally is!
Julie: Or a giant poster of herself.
Aaron: Remember when this film was about Homer?
Julie: It was so much classier then.
Aaron: Hahaha. No it wasn't. "She smells like chocolate chip cookies."
Julie: Haha. oh yeah. I'm drunk. He's alive!!!!! With some impressive eyebrows, I might add. All those knives on the wall! Did you see that? Who has that many kitchen knives?!
Aaron: So. Many. Knives. Also, call the police. Don't just "run". Call the cops.

Julie: That was so cheap. And bad.
Aaron: So Steven Spielberg.
Julie: Ouch. That's a low blow, A-ron!
Aaron: Nevertheless.
Julie: Stevie is great. Be nice. Wait, who was in his car? I don't get it.
Aaron: Minivans do not explode. His parents.
Julie: He has parents?
Aaron: He killed them apparently.
Julie: How much did I miss when I was in the bathroom?! Haha.
Aaron: They died. The uncle told us that when we first met the child.
Julie: This movie has 20 min left. So the question is: Do I need another beer?
Aaron: Why would a cop be telling a high school teacher all of this info? You do, girl. We all do.
Julie: How many wines have you had? Don't pressure me unless you're doing it too.
Aaron: Most of a bottle.
Julie: Ugh, I'm so full though. I think I'm going to muscle through.
Aaron: No more beer. Save yourself.

KC and J.Lo

Julie: Is he talking to a body?!
Aaron: This film is terribly directed. Now we are watching him and this is a comic moment.
Julie: Yes. KC.
Aaron: The film thinks this is fun.

Julie: Oh! She's still alive!
Aaron: She is alive.
Julie: This film is trying to be a horror movie but doesn't know how. It is terrible. It is more terrible than terrible horror movies.
Aaron: This lighting. I cannot deal with it. This is trying to be a thriller. Not a horror movie. A thriller. And I am not thrilled.
Julie: No, that "who's he talking to in this scene?" was a total horror-movie move. But so badly done.
Aaron: She goes into the house. Even though there is no power. You're right. This is a wannabe horror movie. KC's house is identical to J.Lo's? They look exactly the same.
Julie: OH MAN. I TOLD YOU. Horror movie!
Aaron: Definitely.
Julie: HE'S IN THE CAR. HE'S IN THE CAR.
Aaron: But, like: Call. The. Police.
Julie: GET OUT OF THE CAR.
Aaron: Obviously.
Julie: Oh. He was outside the car. Haha. Mommy issues. Oh my god, he calls every woman in this movie a whore.
Aaron: Not his mom. He loves his mom.
Julie: Gross.
Aaron: Oh wait. Madonna/whore. Oldest trope in the book. This is awful.

Julie: This is turning into torture porn. This is like Hostel, J.Lo style. Also, I'm feeling a little Witness-like. Are we in a barn?
Aaron: Torture porn? I think that is excessive. WITNESS?!?! HAHAHA. We are in a barn indeed.
Julie: Well, yes, of course it is. But that is what this scene is alluding to.
Aaron: OMG J.Lo. Good call. She got smart.
Julie: Where did this barn come from, though? Aren't they in LA?
Aaron: They totally are. I have no idea. Maybe they're out in San Bernardino?
Julie: Ok, let's say that. I am embarrassed for everyone in this film.
Aaron: I like the costume designer. Did the barn burn down in Witness? Oh my god, now that you brought that up I can't let it go.
Julie: Hmm… maybe? I need to re-visit it. Witness is so good.You shouldn't let it go.
Aaron: It is! I hope there is boxing now.
Julie: I am not sure what his striped sweater is saying about him right now. OH SHIT. So that just happened.
Aaron: Oh my god. She stabbed him in the eye!
Julie: This is the best part of the film. It is finally horror!
Aaron: That shot with the eye! This is totally torture porn now.
Julie: It's getting closer, at least. I want more eye-stabbing.
Aaron: She stuck her thumb in his eye! After she stabbed him.
Julie: So good! I would too!
Aaron: And there was a close-up.
Julie: You're so funny. We need to watch actual horror movies together. You will die.
Aaron: I don't think we should.
Julie: But they're so delightful!
Aaron: I will treat all of them like this one.

Julie: That's it?? WTF.
Aaron: This ended terribly.
Julie: Barbara Curry, you are the worst screenwriter in the history of screenwriters.

Aaron: She really is! I like this song over the end credits, though.
Julie: I have to say, though, that would've been intolerable without chatting with you. A pleasure, as always.
Aaron: So everyone who made this movie was a woman. All of the producers.
Julie: No. Director was a man.
Aaron: Oh true. A gay man?
Julie: Surely, yes? Because he didn't care about any of the female bodies.
Aaron: He's straight, apparently.

Julie: Do we have any closing remarks for this gem?
Aaron: I have nothing to say about this. I wish we had gotten distracted and talked about something important. Like, well anything.
Julie: We did! We talked about feminism! And how this movie was the opposite of feminist.
Aaron: We did. That's true. Who is J.Lo married to now?
Julie: Isn't she still married to what's-his-face? The singer?
Aaron: Is she? What is his name?
Julie: OH MY GOD IT IS HER BIRTHDAY
Aaron: Oh my god.
Julie: WE WATCHED THIS ON HER BIRTHDAY
Aaron: NO way.
Julie: HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAAAY, J.LO!
Aaron: Hahahaha. Happy birthday, girl. You look fabulous. And you tried. You really did. It isn't your fault this movie was bad. You did your best.
Julie: She tried so hard!
Ojani Noa (m. 1997–98)
Cris Judd (m. 2001–03)
Marc Anthony (m. 2004–14)
No longer married.
Aaron: Marc Anthony. Yeah. Oh, I am sorry they divorced. But she was so much more talented than him.
Julie: That is not a good track record. She needs a good man.
Aaron: That is what this film thinks too, Julie.
Julie: That is the truth. They were married a decade though! That is a long time in my world.
Aaron: In mine too. I can't keep a man longer than like 2 months.

Julie: THERE ARE DELETED SCENES.
Aaron: Let's watch them. I have more wine. Oh the barn. I remember. KChen lives on a farm, apparently. That was in the first act. 
Julie: Haha, ok, you drink the wine and watch them. You just made that up. Ain't no way KC lives on a farm.
Aaron: She does. It's in act one. Remember?
Julie: I clearly do not, A-ron. I don't know why you ask.
Aaron: This deleted scene was important. It should not have been deleted.
Julie: What happened?
Aaron: There are 3 deleted scenes. The first one is girl bonding with KChen and J.Lo. And she buys her those shoes.
Julie: Ah. Thrilling.
Aaron: The other deleted scene is terrible. Like the rest of the movie. Who is this Ryan Guzman man? Is he on the television?
Julie: First of all, he is only 28. Child.
Aaron: Playing 19.
Julie: Secondly, he is in one of the Step Up movies, and that's basically the highlight of his career.
Aaron: Ah. Does he... dance?
Julie:

Julie: AHAHAHA. I thought the Step Up movies were supposed to be fun. This looks boring.
Aaron: Hahahaha. Everyone likes a love story, Julie. Especially the psychopath in this movie. There are actually 5 deleted scenes. I am only watching the first 3. The others will have to stay deleted.
Julie: Ugh, I'm missing all the good stuff.
Aaron: There is also a commentary with director Rob Cohen.
Julie: I miss Anonymous.
Aaron: What if the director said "I only hate women as much as Homer did."
Julie: HAHA. He's never read Homer. You give him way too much credit. Ain't no one on that set who has read Homer. Maybe KC.
Aaron: Women in ancient Greece always said no when they meant yes. Which is why their husbands kept them locked up in their houses. I am drunk.
Julie: But then there was Lysistrata. Why the fuck are we talking about the Greeks?

Julie: What is our takeaway here? Mine is that J.Lo is awesome and needs to choose better movies that don't hate her for being a woman.
Aaron: Honestly, I don't know.
Julie: Also: If I want to watch a horror movie, I'll watch a real fucking horror movie. Lesson learned.
Aaron: Ok. Mine is: Only have sex with a 19-year-old if you're sure he's not gonna be in your class next term. But also, don't have sex with a 19-year-old, unless he is actually 28.
Julie: And you're certain he isn't a misogynistic stalker. Even 28-year-olds are pushing it. Let's be real.
Aaron: Oof. True. You took us out on a sad note, Julie.
Julie: Sorry. But I've gotta speak my truth.
Aaron: Ok. This was fun/terrible.
Julie: It was all the things.
Aaron: I am gonna finish this bottle of wine now.
Julie: Enjoy the rosé.
Aaron: Obviously. XO.
Julie: XOXOXJLO
Aaron: LOL.
Julie: Byeeeeeee.

Kon-Tiki vs. Life of Pi

Apparently, I liked Life of Pi when I first saw it, and I guess I should stick with that opinion because I have no intention of re-watching the film. But last evening I sat down and watched Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg's Kon-Tiki and all I could do was compare it to Ang Lee's beloved film from last year.

First off, Kon-Tiki, unlike Life of Pi, is not a kids' film, and it doesn't have the kind of storytelling frame that Pi has, where the story is told to us by an unreliable narrator.

More importantly, Kon-Tiki is a true story, an actual historical event that took place in the late 1940s. Kon-Tiki is the tale of a group of six men who sailed from South America to the Polynesian islands – in other words: five thousand miles across the Pacific Ocean – on a raft. Kon-Tiki, though, always seems real. And I am sure that some of the film was done using CGI. I have no doubt of it, in fact, but it never looked fake. These guys are sailing the ocean on a raft and they look like they are in the ocean on a raft. (I don't know if you remember Life of Pi, but what with the fake tiger and the flying fish and the fake sunsets and the fake water and the fake animals, I never felt like I was in the real world at all.)

Kon-Tiki is an adventure/journey story, rather in the mode of Deliverance, The Way Back, or The Grey: so it is really a movie about testing the mettle of a group of men who are alone in the wild with no one to help them but their own ingenuity and a bunch of blind luck. It is gorgeously made, with impressive and immaculate costume design and a group of actors doing fine work, and I have to say I found most of it rather gripping.

Rønning and Sandberg's movie has its share of clichéd scenes – the terrified and useless Ned Beatty character from Deliverance is embodied in this case by a tubby refrigerator salesman played by Anders Baasmo Christiansen – but it also has a few filled with extraordinary tension. There is a sequence where the men literally grab a shark out of the ocean and eviscerate it on the raft that left me with my mouth gaping.

All in all, Kon-Tiki is something like Life of Pi for grown-ups. Kon-Tiki doesn't take the (child's) point of view that the world is magical; it looks at the Earth, thinks about it scientifically, and still finds the world wonderful.

Welcome to Puerto Rico

What the hell?

Seriously: I don't get it.

The Rum Diary is a disaster. I can't say I totally hated it, but it was almost unbearably boring. The imdb synopsis of this film says that "American journalist Paul Kemp takes on a freelance job in Puerto Rico for a local newspaper during the 1950s and struggles to find a balance between island culture and the expatriates who live there." Okay. Sure. Sometimes the movie is that.

Mostly the movie is simply a collection of nonsensical scenarios, grotesque characters, and slow-motion photography. The Rum Diary is (it seems to me) attempting to find a productive tension between a fun drug-trip movie and a film about a man who comes to political awareness in a colonized land (something like, say, The Year of Living Dangerously), but mostly The Rum Diary can only achieve silliness.

The film is filled with silly and unique characters, none of whom is particularly fun, and then there are the villains, of which there are quite a few, who all have decided to play their roles with a sort of stock-villainous flair. And Johnny Depp gets drunk a lot and plays drunk a lot, mugging around the movie with the same faces we've seen in other drunk Johnny Depp movies.

And then the movie turns and wants to be a film about the exploitation of Puerto Rico and other northern Caribbean islands by greedy capitalists in the 1950s. And we are all supposed to immediately understand (though the film has been mum on the topic for at least its first sixty minutes) that Paul Kemp is really struggling to help the exploited islanders (not one of whom is a character with more than one line) and speak for a free Puerto Rico.

But the drunken haze with which with the film began cannot be shaken, and The Rum Diary remains a film for teenage boys who've never had more than a few drinks and never had sex with a woman (and endlessly fantasize about both). If the movie is never a movie about a political cause (and it is not), neither does it ever manage to be a fun movie about drunken debauchery or hallucinogenic trips. My companion Jon and I had a debate after The Rum Diary was over because I thought it must've been a PG-13-rated film since it was so tame. Jon said (correctly) that the film was rated R, but that we had the debate at all should tell you plenty. The Rum Diary has no nudity (None. Seriously.), very little drug use, and a single scene with a computer-generated tongue extending too far out of a guy's mouth.

The bottom line here, is that The Rum Diary is a cartoon version of an early Hunter S. Thompson novel. And it is not a film for grown-up people. It is a movie for adolescent boys that only looks like a movie for adults.

2011's Nominees: Part 12 of 12

THE WAY BACK

1 Nomination:

  · Best Makeup

Director: Peter Weir
Cast: Jim Sturgess, Dragoş Bucur, Mark Strong, Ed Harris, Colin Farrell, Gustaf Skarsgård, Saoirse Ronan

 
This is a really good movie. I've written about it here, so I won't rehash my comments on it, but suffice to say that it is easily the best of the three films in its category, and so I am logically deducing that it will win the Oscar, whether or not the makeup itself is better than the others. While I am discussing this film, though, I ought to mention that I think it's a little odd that a film from Peter Weir did not garner a little more awards buzz. He is not a flashy filmmaker, but his films are always really strong and The Way Back is no exception. 

Will Win: Makeup
Might Win: N/A
My Rating: #20 out of 50

BARNEY'S VERSION

1 Nomination:

  · Best Makeup

Director: Richard J. Lewis
Cast: Paul Giamatti, Rosamund Pike, Dustin Hoffman, Scott Speedman, Minnie Driver, Bruce Greenwood, Mark Addy, Rachelle Lefevre

 
This picture is a hot, hot mess. There are a lot of reasons for this. The biggest problem is the directing. The film is an epic story—entire lives in the span of 150 minutes. But the filmmaker appears to have decided to make both a comedy and a drama. It isn't that these two genres cannot co-exist, it is that Richard J. Lewis cannot make them co-exist nicely in his movie. So the film is serious and then silly without warning. The whole thing is very confusing. This goes for the acting. Mark Addy, for example, is in a completely different film from Minnie Driver. The best thing about this movie — aside from the adorable boy who played Barney's son (Can you date me, please?) — is, and I can't believe I am saying this, Dustin Hoffman. He is absolutely delightful in this movie from the moment he is onscreen until the moment he leaves the movie. I don't think I've liked Hoffman in a movie this much in a long time. It was really great to see him in this. The movie, on the other hand: avoid. It's awful. 

Will Win: N/A
Might Win: N/A
My Rating: #44 out of 50

THE WOLFMAN

1 Nomination:

  · Best Makeup

Director: Joe Johnston
Cast: Benicio Del Toro, Anthony Hopkins, Emily Blunt, Art Malik, Geraldine Chaplin, Hugo Weaving, Antony Sher

 
Hahahaha. Yeah. This was bad. I saw the film's third-act twist about twenty minutes into the picture and every other twist a mile away. Its tone is relentlessly bleak and self-important. The ravenous wolf/tiger/lion/dog imagery pervades the picture like a leitmotif but more like a heavy-motif. And as for the central love story, the two don't really fall in love in the film. Instead we are supposed to know that they ought to fall in love in the film and therefore accept that when they show us they are in love that they must be. The film cannot be bothered with actually telling us a love story in addition to its spooky shots of the moon and an almost obsessional number of shots of silver weaponry (silver evidently kills werewolves: who knew?). Still, the Academy did right by this. The makeup in this film (and in all the nominated films) is superb. 

Will Win: N/A
Might Win: Makeup
My Rating: #50 out of 50

This Is a Post about Two Things, Actually

After the Oscar nominations on Tuesday, I make an annual effort to see all of the nominated feature-length films. I exempt myself from the docs and the shorts, just to keep myself sane. (I'm not really that into documentaries if you haven't noticed.) There have been years when the Oscar nominations have come out and I have had only one movie to see. That was when I was living in Los Angeles. So, now I live in Tallahassee and it's a little harder to see all the movies I want to see, and I have eighteen to see. This is my to-do list for 2010:

1. Alice in Wonderland (Funny, because I was planning on avoiding this altogether...)
 
2. Biutiful (I've been dying to see this.)

3. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (I don't know what happened; I just never managed to go.)

4. Another Year (Another one I've been dying to see.)

5. Barney's Version (I am not particularly interested in Paul Giamatti, but I am hoping this is funny.)

6. Blue Valentine (This comes out on Friday in Tally.)

7. Dogtooth (Κυνόδοντας) (This is on Netflix instant.)

8. Hævnen (In a Better World) (I love Susanne Bier! This should be good. I didn't know she was making Danish movies again.)

9. Hereafter (I have to figure out how to catch this one. I tried earlier but the film was canceled.)

10. Hors-la-Loi (Outside the Law) (Playing nowhere. But I already love anything titled this.)

11. Incendies (This comes out in April '11)

12. Iron Man 2 (Oops. Should have seen this when I had the chance.)

13. Rabbit Hole (I love JCM, so I plan to like this, although I think the play is a little, shall we say, underwhelming.)

14. Salt (On its way via Netflix. Should be fun.)

15. The Tempest (Ugh. I was hoping to avoid this. It looks like a train wreck. Maybe it will fall into the so-bad-it's-good category.)

16. The Wolfman (I am excited for this one.)

17. Unstoppable (And this one.)

I saw the eighteenth last night. It was Peter Weir's The Way Back starring Ed Harris (who I always associate with Peter Weir, for some reason), Jim Sturgess, Colin Farrel, Saoirse Ronan, Gustaf Skarsgård, and Dragos Bucur.

This is a really solid movie with some excellent storytelling in it. It feels like a Peter Weir movie, if that makes any sense: I guess I feel like I am used to him making very good pictures that not a lot of people actually care about. I like his movies a lot, but excitement tends to be lost on critics.  

The Way Back is a survival story. Seven men escape a gulag in Siberia in the late 1930s or early 1940s. They flee Siberia, walking a thousand kilometers to Mongolia, and then across the Mongolian desert, through Tibet, and over the Himalayas, to freedom in India. They walked. So: it's a film about survival, about human limits, about kindness, and (ironically, since they are fleeing Stalin) community and working together.

It's an ensemble film, as well, with Jim Sturgess as the ostensible focus, but with great performances from all the principles. I was particularly moved by Gustaf Skarsgård's work. He has a haunted face to begin with (you may remember him from the Swedish film Evil) but his character in this is a really fascinating portrait of a man who needs forgiveness.

And let's just say it: I love Colin Farrell. He plays a Russian criminal in this, and he is fabulous. He disappears into the role, speaking only broken English, and performing in a role that is nowhere near the star part. This is a man who doesn't need to be the star of a film. He takes a great character part, just because it's a good part for him. Very cool.

The Way Back is a bit tough to watch at times -- walking across the Mongolian desert isn't exactly good for the health -- but I thought it was worth it.