Oscar Nominations 2025: Post 5 of 10

1. Sinners, One Battle after Another, Sentimental Value

2. Marty Supreme, Frankenstein, Hamnet
3. Bugonia, The Secret Agent, Train Dreams

4. F1, Blue Moon, It Was Just an Accident

This year's nominees are:

Sirāt

2 nominations

• International Feature: Spain (Society of the Snow, Pain & Glory, The Sea Inside, All about My Mother, The Grandfather, Secrets of the Heart, The Age of Beauty, Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, Course Completed, Double Feature, Carmen, Begin the Beguine, The Nest, Mama Turns 100, That Obscure Object of Desire, My Dearest 'Señorita', Tristana, Bewitched Love, Los Tarantos, Placido, La Venganza)
• Sound

Director: Óliver Laxe

Cast: Sergi López, Bruno Núñez, Stefania Gadda, Joshua Liam Henderson, Richard Bellamy, Tonin Janvier, Jade Oukid, Ahmed Abbou, Abdellilah Madrari, Mohamed Madrari

I loved this movie. As soon as it ended I wanted to start it over and watch it again, which isn’t to say it’s a fun watch at all. In fact, it’s harrowing, like a kind of 21st century insane Wages of Fear. But Óliver Laxe’s film also has a different kind of pulse, like fasting or being on drugs or some other kind of spiritual high. This film is a kind of madness. Sirāt is also fundamentally about loss, about grief and mourning for a lost child and about holding others close as you teeter on the edge. In a way, it tries to make you feel physically and emotionally the kind of loss or grief—that vertigo and emptiness—that a film like Hamnet is only about. In this way Sirāt is better than almost every film this year, and it has a firm spot in my top ten. It's worth saying, while we're here that four of the five International Feature nominees are in my top ten, and this is a sign to me that the Academy is making good choices this year. There were many more sentimental options for the International Feature award—Belén from Argentina, All That's Left of You from Jordan, and Late Shift from Switzerland were all on the shortlist—but the Academy chose much better films with more powerful punches to the gut for its five slots. This movie is simply not to be missed. I'm a little sad that Kangding Ray's pulsing score didn't make it into the Original Score nominees, but we all know the music branch is the most conservative (by which I mean insular and nepotistic) branch in the Academy, so I was not really expecting him to get in, even though he was shortlisted. Anyway, go see this movie. And if you see it at home, turn the sound up and pour yourself a whiskey.

Will win: N/A

Could win: Sound

My rating: #6 out of 94

Avatar: Fire and Ash

2 nominations

• Costume Design: Deborah Lynn Scott (Titanic)
• Visual Effects

Director: James Cameron

Cast: Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldaña, Sigourney Weaver, Stephen Lang, Oona Chaplin, Jack Champion, Kate Winslet, Cliff Curtis, Joel David Moore, CCH Pounder, Edie Falco, Brendan Cowell, Jemaine Clement, Giovanni Ribisi, David Thewlis, Britain Dalton, Trinity Jo-Li Bliss

This needed more fire and more ash. Here's the deal: I already saw this movie once when it was called Avatar: the Way of Water, and I loved that movie! But this movie is the same movie. Fire and Ash has lots of cool visuals, to be sure. But it also retreads every single emotional beat from the second film. I think I’m chiefly disappointed that there was no real world-building around the Na'vi clans who played with fire. This was such a missed opportunity. The water clans introduced us to an entire new world and way of being with water. The fire-folk don’t seem to harness the energy of the fire or dwell with it or learn from it in any real way; they just light their arrows on fire and seem to like torching shit. Like, what if they had developed cool fire technologies, or spoke the language of fire, or understood something wild and new about lava or tempering metal or surviving extreme heat. What I love about the first two Avatar movies is the insanely imaginative production design and true world-building. This one is just an extension of Way of Water. Cameron still crafts a cool final battle. And I mostly liked act three, but I can’t say it follows any real in-world logic. This is a good movie, but compared to the first two, it was decidedly a disappointment.

Will win: Visual Effects

Could win: N/A

My rating: #51 out of 94

K-Pop Demon Hunters

2 nominations

• Animated Feature
• Original Song - "Golden": EJAE & Jeong Hoon-seo & Joong Gyu-kwak & Yu Han Lee & Nam Hee-dong & Teddy Park & Mark Sonnenblick (all 1st time nominees)

Directors: Chris Appelhans, Maggie Kang

Cast: Arden Cho, May Hong, Ji-young Yoo, Ahn Hyo-seop, Yunjin Kim, Ken Jeong, Lee Byung-hun, Daniel Dae Kim, Joel Kim Booster, Liza Koshy, Alan Lee, Rumi Oak, SungWon Cho

This was so much fuckin fun. I can’t wait for the sequel. And the soundtrack? Forget about it. I literally rewound “Free” during the movie and watched it again. And “Soda Pop” is a Soda Bop. I listened to this soundtrack for weeks and weeks after the movie came out. And everyone was listening to it! Students were popping into my office singing along with this soundtrack. I don't even think "Golden" is my favorite of the film's songs, but it doesn't matter. It's great. I want it to win, and I think it will win. I also think this is the best animated film of the year, so I think it should win that too. There is one animated film I haven't yet been able to see—Sylvain Chomet's A Magnificent Life—so I can't totally judge, but this movie is a blast.

Will win: Animated Feature, Original Song

Could win: N/A

My rating: #11 out of 94

All 2025 Oscar posts:

1. Sinners, One Battle after Another, Sentimental Value

2. Marty Supreme, Frankenstein, Hamnet
3. Bugonia, The Secret Agent, Train Dreams

4. F1, Blue Moon, It Was Just an Accident

5. Sirāt, Avatar: Fire and Ash, K-Pop Demon Hunters

6. If I Had Legs I'd Kick You, Song Sung Blue, Weapons, The Voice of Hind Rajab

7. Arco, Elio, Zootopia 2, Little Amélie or the Character of Rain

8. Animated Short Films

9. Live-action Short Films

10. Jurassic World: Rebirth, The Lost Bus, Kokuho, The Smashing Machine

11. The Ugly Stepsister, Diane Warren: Relentless, Viva Verdi!

Oscar Nominations 2022: 3 of 9

This year's nominees:

Avatar: the Way of Water

4 Nominations

• Picture
• Production Design: Dylan Cole, Vanessa Cole & Ben Procter
• Sound
• Visual Effects

Director: James Cameron

Cast: Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldaña, Sigourney Weaver, Stephen Lang, Britain Dalton, Jack Champion, Kate Winslet, Cliff Curtis, Brendan Cowell, Jemaine Clement, Bailey Bass, Trinity Jo-Li Bliss, Joel David Moore, Edie Falco, CCH Pounder

I expected to love this, and... I loved it. It's visually stunning, and it's a superb action movie that frequently feels just like you're on an enormous ride. I had a great time. The double fight sequence at the film's end is completely excellent. I think the movie thinks it is getting to important questions of meaning and deep themes, but actually Avatar just needs to be enjoyed on the level of pleasurable visual spectacle. I don't think any movie this year can top Avatar for that. It's just extraordinary. I'm also currently obsessed with Polynesia, and when I watched this I had just finished the book Sea People; I loved the way the film made the new Na'vi we met into a riff on Polynesian societies, with tattooing and a different relationship with the water. And then they cast one of my favorite actors, Cliff Curtis, as the Polynesian Na'vi chief? Great move. Oh one other thing I loved. I was super into the way the movie treated the whale-adjacent creatures as persons, referring to the Kate Winslet character's friend as a composer and talking about how much she wanted a child. I do not understand how Britain Dalton's character began understanding the whale-language instantly, but hey, not all of it has to make sense.

Will Win: N/A

Could Win: Production Design, Sound, Visual Effects

My Rating: #9 out of 63

Triangle of Sadness

3 Nominations

• Picture
• Director: Ruben Östlund
• Original Screenplay: Ruben Östlund

Director: Östlund

Cast: Charlbi Dean, Harris Dickinson, Dolly De Leon, Woody Harrelson, Vicky Berlin, Zlatko Burić, Arvin Kananian, Sunnyi Melles, Amanda Walker, Oliver Ford Davies

I know lots of people loved Triangle of Sadness, and I wanted to love it. I love Ruben Östlund's other movies, and his brand of satire and sincerity makes great sense to me. This movie is divided into three parts. Part one is great, and part two is better than great. It's absolutely hilarious, and it's so intensely outrageous that I was laughing out loud, nearly in tears in the theatre and completely enjoying myself. But then act three happens. In this part of the film, a bunch of rich folks are stranded on a deserted island and they expect a cleaning woman from their yacht to work for them by catching food for them and helping them survive even though they are themselves useless/helpless. This is a funny conceit, and it's made all the more enjoyable because of brilliant acting by Dolly De Leon and Harris Dickinson. This even has the added element of sexual politics with Dickinson trading sexual favors for other favors. But the trouble with this act is that it's the plot of Lina Wertmüller's 1974 film Travolti da un Insolito Destino nell'Azzurro Mare d'Agosto (Swept Away), which starred Giancarlo Giannini and Mariangela Melato. Original screenplay? I've literally seen the whole thing before. Indeed, Wertmüller's movie was remade in 2002 by Guy Ritchie with Madonna and Adriano Giannini (Giancarlo's son). I know that if I hadn't already seen this movie I would have liked it more, but I have seen it, so Triangle of Sadness fell flat for me.

Will Win: N/A

Could Win: N/A
My Rating: #44 out of 63

The Whale

3 Nominations

• Actor: Brendan Fraser
• Supporting Actress: Hong Chau
• Make-up & Hairstyling

Director: Darren Aronofsky

Cast: Brendan Fraser, Hong Chau, Sadie Sink, Ty Simpkins, Samantha Morton, Sathya Sridharan

I have already written out most of my feelings about Darren Aronofsky's film. I won't repeat much of that here, but I will say that I hated this movie; it's the worst movie I saw in 2022 (so far). However, I am delighted for Brendan Fraser, and I won't be at all mad to see him win this Oscar. He's great, and he's had a lot of gaps in his wonderful career, so I'm very glad to see him back in the spotlight and hopefully getting more work. It's weird that it has to be in this enormous fat suit and for this stupid movie, but what can you do? I also think this movie will win for best make-up: the fat suit actually was the most realistic thing in this intensely unrealistic film, to my mind, so giving it an Oscar makes sense to me.
Will Win: Actor, Make-up & Hairstyling

Could Win: N/A

My Rating: #63 out of 63

Babylon

3 Nominations

• Production Design: Anthony Carlino & Florencia Martin
• Score: Justin Hurwitz (La La Land)
• Costume Design: Mary Zophres (The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, La La Land, True Grit)

Director: Damien Chazelle

Cast: Diego Calva, Margot Robbie, Brad Pitt, Jovan Adepo, Jean Smart, Li Jun Li, Lukas Haas, Max Minghella, Olivia Hamilton, Eric Roberts, Katherine Waterston, Olivia Wilde, Ethan Suplee

This is a very good movie, at least for most of its running time. For its first two acts I was having a great time. I say first two acts, but one does wonder how many acts this movie had. It really was far too long of a film, and I think it might have done a lot better with the Academy if it had been shorter – even by forty minutes or so. This movie begins with a party, and the entire thing is wild and fast-moving, and I enjoyed myself thoroughly. Having Brad Pitt at the film's center during this part of the movie makes things so much easier. Watching him, I just sort of relax. Like, I know he's going to be great and he's going to keep this movie working perfectly. Then we're making movies on two different sets simultaneously before sound pictures, and the whole thing is pleasurable, like really just fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants fun. Somewhere in act two we descend into the bowels of hell, though, and the film really takes a perverse turn. I rather liked this part too, actually, but it did bring things down quite a bit, perhaps too far for Chazelle ever to be able to bring us back up from it. For the film's final section, we jump ahead to 1952 and sit in a theatre and watch Singin' in the Rain with Diego Calva. This is where the film really lost me. The character cries because he remembers the people he made movies with, but the film we're watching has proved what Jean Smart's character said to Brad Pitt's. The town doesn't care about you. They remember you by transforming your pain into something else, writing songs for other actors to sing, and forgetting everything you went through so that instead of remembering they can think about the new stars, the new costumes, the new audiences, the new dollars they can rake in. For me, the ending of this film is coldly cynical, and yet Chazelle asks us to feel very different, satisfied, exultant emotions. This section didn't sit right with me, but Babylon is still a really good movie.

Will Win: Score

Could Win: Production Design
My Rating: #15 out of 63

1. Everything Everywhere All at Once, The Banshees of Inisherin, All Quiet on the Western Front, and Elvis

2. The Fabelmans, Tár, Top Gun: Maverick, and Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

More posts coming soon:

4. The Batman, Women Talking, Living, and Aftersun
5. Blonde, To Leslie, Glass Onion, and Causeway
6. Argentina, 1985, Close, Eo, and The Quiet Girl
7. Marcel the Shell with Shoes On, Pinocchio, Puss in Boots: the Last Wish, Turning Red, and The Sea Beast
8. Bardo: False Chronicle of a Handful of Truths, Empire of Light, Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris, RRR, and Tell It like a Woman

Check out my new book Love Is Love Is Love – out March 24!

The Evil Queen's Not-Quite-So-Evil Frozen Sister

Once upon a time...

Actually it was four years ago. My dear friend Julie and I got drunk and watched Snow White and the Huntsman. We watched it because we like to watch bad movies together, but ended up really loving some of the film's aspects.

Obviously this meant we needed to watch the sequel. So, here is our conversation while watching The Huntsman: Winter's War.

* * * * *

Aaron: Who is doing this narration? Is this Liam Neeson? Why is Aslan in this film?
Julie: What is this gold ball? That is not a mirror.
Aaron: Julie, what are you drinking? Priorities.
Julie: I would like to note that I am not drinking. So this is either going to be the best or the worst time we've ever done this. (I am not pregnant.)
Aaron: Ok. I might get really drunk on this rosé.
Julie: I support you. I had three beers earlier and I am too old to have any more.

 

Aaron: How is Charlize already murdering people?
Julie: That is what a woman does. She is a witch, obviously. (That is Liam Neeson. Love him.)
Aaron: These costumes are going to be just as good as the last ones.
Julie: That headpiece!! Stunning.
Aaron: Stunning.




Julie: I know I'm not drunk, but who is Emily in relation to Charlize? I wasn't listening.
Aaron: She is her sister, Freya, apparently. Why is Emily Blunt in this?
Julie: Because Emily appreciates camp as much as Charlize.
Aaron: Ok. Fair. Like, I want to be Charlize, too. That seems like a good goal for Emily Blunt.
Julie: I would like to note that this is written and directed by men. This movie full of women. Let's see how this goes.
Aaron: We know how that usually goes. Who are the other women in this?
Julie: Jessica!

One more of this headdress.

Aaron: K-Stew is not, right? Oh my god, is this child burned up like a cinder?
Julie: Correct. OMG she’s Elsa!
Aaron: Oooo Emily Blunt is totally Elsa.
Julie: She just froze that shit!
Aaron: I told you this was going to be about Frozen.
Julie: And her hair turned white!
Aaron: Let it gooooo, Julie.

Julie: Ugh. I am over it. We always fear what's different, blah blah.
Aaron: Is Aslan going to narrate this whole film?
Julie: A barren woman is a dangerous woman, blah blah.
Aaron: "If she could not raise a child, then she would raise an army." Shut the fuck up.
Julie: Jesus, this is legit The Snow Queen. AHHHHH ICE QUEEEEEEEEN.
Aaron: The art direction is a lot better in this one.
Julie: You remember the other one that well? Lies.
Aaron: Who wrote that Snow Queen? Andersen?
Julie: Yessir.
Aaron: She is fabulous!
Julie: Neat gown! Does Emily sing? It's time for a power ballad. [Note: She does sing.]

Julie: A child of color! We are already doing better than the last film. Do you think they read our critique of its racism?
Aaron: If the Snow Queen learns how to love by the end of this movie I will be so mad.
Julie: Love is a sin, A-ron. She will not commit sin.
Aaron: This is why snow exists, when women no longer believe in love.
Julie: There is another person of color! I'm keeping count.
Aaron: There is a fucking animatronic owl! I am loving my life.
Julie: I think you are loving rosé.
Aaron: Is this little redhead going to grow up to be Jessica Chastain? And the little pugnacious boy will be the Hemsworth? And there will, apparently be a grown-ass black man as well?
Julie: Yes, that is mini-Jess.

Aaron: Emily has a great wig. But if this is going to be about Emily Blunt and not Charlize, then I am going to be sad.
Julie: There will be one adult man of color according to iMDB. I think Charlize is passing on the crown, so to speak.
Aaron: This is a shame.
Julie: There he is! The one black man.
Aaron: Already an improvement on the last film. Jessica Chastain is seriously in this? What in the hell.
Julie: I legit don't understand the timeline for this film. When are we in relation to K-Stew's character?
Aaron: My ex-boyfriend said that this is a prequel and a sequel. So maybe it is happening simultaneously?
Julie: So, like, Charlize is Anna, and Emily is Elsa? And we just didn't see Elsa the last time?
Aaron: Yeah, I guess so. Anna but, like, a murderous one.
Julie: This is dumb. Then who is Jess? Olaf?
Aaron: I think I don't remember Frozen as well as you do, Julie.
Julie: Olaf is the snowman, A-ron. Best part of the film.

Aaron: So far the problem is that we are spending time with the good guys instead of with Charlize eating the hearts of dead birds. I don't care about these white people making out.
Julie: No one cares about white people making out. Oooo that dress! It's like chain mail!!
Aaron: Didn't Sarah Palin wear that dress to endorse Trump? Emily Blunt doesn't know how to do this part. Why is she having so many feelings. Be the ice queen!
Julie: She's letting it go. It's a process.
Aaron: Haha.
Julie: The ice is not as fun as the black, oily goo from the last film.
Aaron: Not at all.
Julie: Oh noooooo! J-Chas!!!!!
Aaron: Oh my god, wait. Is J-Chas already dead? It's barely been 20 minutes. Jessica, we hardly knew ye!
Julie: Also, did they just make the one man of color the bad guy? Liam says love cannot last. He is correct.
Aaron: The one man of color will get his redemption.
Julie: I hope so.
Aaron: Oh now we've jumped forward to after the other movie.
Julie: Back to Charlize?!?
Aaron: Well no, now Charlize is dead, right? Because Snow White is queen now. I need more rosé. This is stupid.

Julie: Jesus, none of this make sense.
Aaron: Do they think we remember that movie?
Julie: Apparently they do. He just killed your animatronic owl.
Aaron: This owl that watches him is fun. I am sorry it just got killed. I love owls.
Julie: There'll be more where he came from, I'm sure.
Aaron: This dwarf comedy bit is not good.
Julie: No. Using them for comic relief is not cute. Nor is it funny.
Aaron: This bit is straight out of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
Julie: I will take your word for it. Does that dwarf have a man bun?
Aaron: The other one has a mohawk.
Julie: And the other has a mohawk. What is happening?
Aaron: Julie, nothing's happening.
Julie: ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. At least you are drinking.

Aaron: Wait, can Chris Hemsworth, like, sense the auras of dead people?
Julie: According to this film, yes.
Aaron: Now this movie is a mystery movie. It is jumping genre a bit too fast for me.
Julie: The only mystery is why we're watching it.
Aaron: Nothing is happening! What is this?
Julie: Where are the women? They killed off two at the start and now Emily is MIA. This sucks. I don't care about Chris and his dwarves.
Aaron: Maybe I'd be a little more interested in this fight sequence if I had any idea what the sides were. Like, who are these soldiers? And whose side is Chris Hemsworth on?
Julie: They are huntsmen. I don't understand the stakes. Or the plot, for that matter.
Aaron: Maybe Jessica Chastain is really alive.
Julie: J-Chas?!?!? Please for the love of Jesus let it be her.
Aaron: That legitimately makes no sense, but I hope it is true.
Julie: Nothing about this makes sense. Yay I win!

Aaron: Ok this makes sense now. But it is just as boring as before. This is just tired sentiment.
Julie: Let her have the mirror then. At least things would be interesting then.
Aaron: This shit is so slow.
Julie: That's because this stupid movie is about "love". ZzzzZzzzzzz.

Goblin-ape!

Aaron: And literally the plot is: will this man and this woman get back together? Like, fucking duh. How are we supposed to get invested in something so obvious?
Julie: I miss K-Stew.

Julie: Remember how the first film didn't have a sense of humor? I miss that.
Aaron: Goblins!
Julie: We are only halfway through this shit. OMG.
Aaron: I wish there were more to make fun of. But this is just sentimental schlock.
Julie: I legit might fall asleep.
Aaron: Where is Aslan? Liam Neeson's narration could speed us right through this.
Julie: I wish he would enter the movie, all Taken-style. That would spice things up.
Aaron: The goblins! Maybe they'll have cool make-up? Let's do the rest of our chat in pirate voices. I'm gonna finish this bottle of wine and hope this gets better.
Julie: Hahaha how? Just put "argh" after everything? There's the blasted mirror.
Aaron: Arrrr. I think Charlize might be coming back! Oooo!!!!This goblin is badass!
Julie: Is that a goblin?!
Aaron: Maybe not…? Maybe he is, like, from the mirror itself.
Julie: He looks like he belongs in the Planet of the Apes movies.
Aaron: I love him. He’s the best this film has offered us so far. Aside from Charlize's headdress.
Julie: That is not a goblin. Is it? Look at that Matrix flip he just did!
Aaron: This is the scene in The Fellowship of the Ring when Boromir dies. I think he's a goblin. Yeah, here's some more of them.
Julie: He's a freakin' ape.
Aaron: They're mean guys. Look at that river of molten gold! I want it. This director loves Peter Jackson a lot. Goblin blood is pyrotechnic or something? This aspect of goblin lore was unknown to me.

Hemsworth wonders why we're still watching.

Aaron: See, and here is another bullshit scene. It is impossible to cry about someone dying when it is manifestly obvious that he is not dead.
Julie: These effects suck.
Aaron: The last movie's effects got an Oscar nomination, Julie.
Julie: They did. This one will not receive that distinction.
Aaron: No it will not.
Julie: And there's Tinker Bell. WTF.
Aaron: But there are tortoises covered in moss behind these fools.
Julie: I thought that was a porcupine.
Aaron: There was one of those, too.
Julie: This is terrible.
Aaron: I know. I have no idea why I should care or what we are fighting about.
Julie: Why is she angry? I do not understand what's going on.
Aaron: Well, like, she thought he left her. And so she has been hating him for 7 years.
Julie: She needs to moveon.org.
Aaron: But, who cares? She's gonna get over it in like 10 seconds and take his clothes off as quickly as possible. And.... now they're having sex. But ten bucks says that mirror is gone.

Julie: OMG is Charlize whispering through the mirror? Why the fuck would she be true to him when she thought he left her? That is some patriarchal shit.
Aaron: Look! It is the ice army!
Julie: Aw shit. She's a badass.
Aaron: Jessica Chastain don't care; she's in a tank top. Emily Blunt is riding a  … giant arctic wolf?
Julie: Haha it looks like it.
Aaron: It's just like in The Hobbit. When all of those characters rode on weird animals.
Julie: Correct.
Aaron: Jessica Chastain is having feelings.
Julie: Naw. She's cold as ice, just like Em.
Aaron: Did that fucking arrow hit the necklace he always wears? "She never misses." Predicted it.
Julie: I wish he had died.
Aaron: I do too. This is so bad. And now, like in a Peter Jackson film, these fools are going to ride on giant elk. To the North Kingdoms or wherever Emily Blunt is. I wish you were drinking, but I can't say that alcohol is making this any better.
Julie: I hate this. I want Charlize back!!!!!! Nothing could make this better.
Aaron: Peter Jackson shot! I need to stop taking note of things that are exactly like Peter Jackson.
Julie: This whole movie is a rip-off of every fantasy film ever made.

Aaron: Can Charlize come out of this mirror? I pray that happens.
Julie: I hope she eats someone's heart. Like her big sis. Yayayayaya the mirror goo!
Aaron: Now those are cool effects.
Julie: Well, Terminator did it first, let's recall.

But then the goo turns IN to Charlize!

Aaron: YES CHARLIZE.
Julie: Bitch is BACK. Thank you baby Jesus.
Aaron: Praise be. This makeup is flawless.
Julie: Death doesn't matter to Charlize. She is forever. Her whole ensemble is amaze-balls. And her nail claws! YASS.
Aaron: I love everything about this. Thank goodness for this film's third act.

Julie: But now we're back with the dwarves. I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THESE PEOPLE.

Aaron: Nope. Charlize is back.
Julie: She's changed outfits!
Aaron: With a new crown. And a new gown. This one is fabulous too.
Julie: The girls are out. That braided/snaky hair is fantastic.
Aaron: She is flawless. Julie. This movie is redeemed for me.
Julie: That is the rosé talking.
Aaron: Well maybe not redeemed. I need more rosé.
Julie: Yes. You do. You're drinking for two, after all.
Aaron: Just like any good mother-to-be. More Peter Jackson imagery. For those keeping score.
Julie: I hope there are flying monkeys. This feels a little Wizard of Oz-ending to me. By the way, what happened to our actor of color?
Aaron: He's still around. I saw him when J-Chas came back.
Julie: She is sad about being childless. I hate this trope.
Aaron: Charlize in yet another outfit. All is right with the world.
Julie: Ooooo Charlize energizes this shit. And she has wings, to boot.
Aaron: She's just so much better than everyone in this movie.
Julie: Yes. She's the only one who realizes how to make this not suck. Everyone else is playing it straight. That is a mistake.
Aaron: So true. They're all doing some kind of emotional truth. And Charlize is just being badass. It's really magnificent to watch.
Julie: Well, she has no feelings. She is dead, after all.
Aaron: Her shoes! She just said that too. "I've been dead before."
Julie: I missed the shoes. I'm sad about it.
Aaron: Ok, Julie, but why is it that we can see what makes this movie good, but the filmmaker has no idea what is good about this movie. Man of color. Redemption. What did I tell you? The black oil is back!!!
Julie: Well he didn't know about the last one either, but Charlize was in the entire thing, so it sucked less. Yay, effects!
Aaron: This is amazing.
Julie: That goddamn ice needs to go. It is boring.

Aaron: I am a little sorry that we won't get to see another costume change.
Julie: Is this movie telling us that women are pathetic because they have feelings? I'm not sure of the messaging here.
Aaron: It was Charlize who killed the baby.
Julie: That cape is badass though.
Aaron: I think the message here is that women need to love more. They should be less cold-hearted.
Julie: Men don't like powerful women. They don't have feelings. They don't smile. They are too ambitious. They are Hillary Clinton.
Aaron: This is cool now.
Julie: Sorry. I am getting excited. Powerful women are evil, they ruin everything, blah blah. We must thaw their cold, cold hearts.
Aaron: Charlize gave this movie life. All hail to this evil queen. She also hates "cheap sentiment"! Me too, Charlize! And we got a costume change after all. She was literal gold to this movie. But yes, as you say, this movie sees women just like everyone else does. They are too ambitious. They are too cold. They are too busy not being mothers.
Julie: Fuck, the dwarves are back.
Aaron: This is the last few minutes of this, though. I await Liam Neeson's narration.
Julie: Liam!
Aaron: Even buried under ice and snow, love survives.
Julie: Ugh. Love. Zzzzz. Fuck Liam Neeson for saying that. "None ever truly end." There is going to be a sequel. But without Charlize?
Aaron: Bad grammar. None ever truly ends.
Julie: I mean, I guess we have proven that she can be dead and still be in the movie. I hope they were all paid really well for this.
Aaron: No. Charlize definitely comes back. That's what that gold bird was for.

One more of Charlize before we go!

Aaron: So this song over the credits is all about girl power and how an old man is on a throne saying "I shouldn't be so mean". It's kind of great.
Julie: Oh really? I wasn't listening. Nice.
Aaron: But the film doesn't seem to believe its own message.
Julie: Any parting words?
Aaron: My parting words are that Hollywood is too sentimental for its own good. If it would only just give in to loving evil, it could really succeed.
Julie: No, this film doesn't think much of women. They are either sentimental or evil. There is nothing else.
Aaron: Not true. The movie knows that the reason to watch is Charlize. It just thinks we should all be embarrassed by or ashamed of that. Well I am not.
Julie: Well, that is not true. If it was, she would be in more than twenty minutes of it. I think this would make a neat musical: The Evil Queen starring Charlize. With really fun stage effects. Who is going to make that happen? And by 'this' I don't mean this movie. Obviously. Just the character.
Aaron: Obviously. And the answer is Julie Taymor. Last question. Does this film get a costume nomination?
Julie: I don't think Charlize('s costumes) were in enough of the film. Also, it was so early in the year. So unless it's a dry season: No.
Aaron: I think you're right. Although it may well turn out to be a dry season. I have begun pregaming, for the record, and so I saw The Dressmaker with Kate Winslet (for the costume category) and it was horrifically bad. Be glad you're not pregaming as in days of yore.
Julie: I am glad. I feel so free. Too many men. Too many white men. I would not survive another Oscar season.
Aaron: Let's do this again soon with something more fun.
Julie: Yes. We need another Tonto. Or whatever that mess was. I will keep an eye out. I do so love really awful movies. Thank you for keeping me company tonight. Sleep well. Dream of dead people's auras. G'night!
Aaron: Night!

Sleep well!

Iron Man 1999

Julie and I get drunk and watch movies.

 * * * * *

Aaron: Ooo Iron Man 3.
Julie: Oooh. Indeed. God, I already hate smug Robert Downey Jr. Also they are playing the Blue Song. Seriously?
Aaron: It's the 1990s!

Julie: Ok, quick: remind me what happened in the first 2 films.
Aaron: Um. He is a playboy
Julie: He looks like AJ McLean from the Backstreet Boys.
Aaron: And his dad is like an aircraft designer? Guy Pearce looks a mess.
Julie: Oh, shit, that's Guy? Not a good look, dude. Where has he been, by the way?
Aaron: He's getting paid.
Julie: He was so great… before.
Aaron: He was in a movie last year. Under a lot of age makeup, remember?
Julie: He was? What movie?
Aaron: Prometheus!
Julie: Oh yeah. I like to forget that one. Oh my god, seriously, those glasses and goatee: a Backstreet Boy.
Aaron: Oooo visual effects!
Julie: Wait, are the other two movies also in the '90s? I didn't know this was a period film.
Aaron: No. The other movies take place in the present.
Julie: I missed the visual effects. This is going to be just like The Lone Ranger.
Aaron: Except I am going to be much more drunk.
Julie: Are you drinking beer? What is happening over there?
Aaron: I am having a delicious Peak Organic Black IPA.
Julie: Oh, Nice. Keep me updated on your drunk status. I will try valiantly to keep up.
Aaron: I think in the last movie somebody took the technology he uses to keep himself alive. He has some kind of titanium thing in his chest that allows him to live and not have cancer or something. I can't remember.
Julie: I kind of wish we were watching The Transformers. I really like those movies. So then how is he alive?
Aaron: Well he got it back, obviously.
Julie: Why are we listening to Jingle Bells?
Aaron: I don't know. Did this come out at xmas?
Julie: I was just about to ask that. Haha. A holiday film!

Aaron: This is cool.
Julie: Are you being sarcastic? Because it is decidedly lame.

Aaron: Oh no! Muslim Terrorists?
Julie: Oh my god. Are you kidding me!?
Aaron: Is this going to be crazy racist?
Julie: I CAN'T.
Aaron: I think this might already be more racist than The Lone Ranger.
Julie: Who is that white man with the beard?
Aaron: Who is this actor? Ben Kingsley?
Julie: OMG IT IS. What is he doing with his life??
Aaron: He should be ashamed of himself. He isn't even an Arab!
Julie: Gotta get paid, just like Guy, right?
Aaron: What a strange sequence!
Julie: I literally cannot believe an Iron Man movie is trying to be political. Ugh. This is even worse than we expected it to be. Don Cheadle! Oh my god, why are all these people slumming?
Aaron: In the first movie this character was played by Terrence Howard. But Cheadle was in the last one.
Julie: Oh. Hahaha. I told you I don't remember the other two movies. What happened to Terrence? Is he going to show up? I can't believe you remember anything that happened in the other movies. Hero.
Aaron: No no. Terrence got fired. And Don Cheadle has the part now.
Julie: Oh. Because he's an asshole?
Aaron: He asked for more money.
Julie: Hahahaha. As he should.

Julie: That is a white suit, girl.
Aaron: She looks fabulous.
Julie: I hate her.
Aaron: We've talked about this before.
Julie: goop.com That's all I'm gonna say.
Aaron: Why is she saying he looks great? He doesn't actually look great.
Julie: He looks better than before.
Aaron: I'm kind of into these effects. I'm kind of not into these jokes.
Julie: They remind me of Avatar. All that teal.
Aaron: I think that's a good thing. I loved Avatar.
Julie: Ugh. Aaron. I cannot even talk to you right now. (How many beers have you had?)

Aaron: Who remembers conferences? How could he possibly remember he was in Switzerland in 1999. I do not understand action movies that have no action. This was the problem with Lone Ranger too. Like, can something please blow up?
Julie: Because they are pretending that they aren't "just" action movies. They are deeper than that, Aaron. There are terrorists! More xmas music.
Aaron: They're drinking Beaujolais but it's white.
Julie: Wine snob.
Aaron: What's snobby? I'm noticing details.
Julie: The Iron Man audiences aren't going to give a shit. Maybe if it was Bud Light and looked like a Guinness.

Aaron: Poor Iron Man! He's cracking up! But the film moved the act three monologue into act one. I don't understand the structure of this. Guy Pearce is the villain, right? But, like, where's the plot?
Julie: I don't understand why you're just trying to critique anything other than the visual effects. I'm not sure the plot has really been revealed.
Aaron: Oooo! That's cool. This is Mary Shelley, right? [The Frankenstein theme I noticed at this point is not elaborated by Shane Black & co.]
Julie: Um? I'm so distracted by his 1999 hair and facial hair. It is so bad. Also I just polished off a bag of popcorn. And I'm still hungry.
Aaron: Already?
Julie: I should've bought Cheez-its. Sigh.
Aaron: Thank goodness. Some action.
Julie: Oooh that red demon face was cool.
Aaron: It was! But is he a robot or...? Are they replicants or something like that?
Julie: This feels very Terminator.
Aaron: Well, I am grateful for it.
Julie: Here's the terrorists again. Please note that Ben pronounces it "Amurrican".
Aaron: That is my favorite part of this movie so far.
Julie: Ben's funky accent?
Aaron: No. The pronunciation of "Amurrican".
Julie: I love a good Downton Abbey reference! Also, I just finished my first beer. We have nearly 2 hours left.
Aaron: Downey's facial hair is exactly like a Backstreet Boy.

Mr. McLean

Julie: Thank You. And my favorite Backstreet Boy. But it looks better on AJ. More effects. Isn't this Minority Report?
Aaron: Haha. No. This is just like the other 2 Iron Mans.
Julie: But they both came after Minority Report. I feel that I am right.
Aaron: True enough. I love Minority Report.
Julie: Me too. I should rewatch it. Tom pre-crazy.
Aaron: It was just latent. He was already crazy.
Julie: Hahahaha. Aw. Poor Tom. Aaron, I am already drunk. This is a problem.
Aaron: You're a mess!
Julie: You told me to get drunk!
Aaron: I did.

Julie: Who is this woman? This actress, I mean.
Aaron: Oh it's Rebecca Hall!
Julie: Ohhhhhhh
Aaron: You know she's Sir Peter Hall's daughter?
Julie: Oh! I did not.
Aaron: I saw her in a production of As You Like It once.
Julie: Omigod Gwynnie is in the robot suit.
Aaron: She was good. Her father directed. The show itself was unforgivably painful.
Julie: Most Shakespeare is.
Aaron: Ooo we are truth telling. You are Meryl Streep in August Osage right now.
Julie: Oh I hope not. I did not care for Meryl in that one
Aaron: All of this exploding is delightful.
Julie: Yep, here's all your action.
Aaron: These terrorists are trying to kill Christmas! Did you see them set fire to that Holiday tree?
Julie: Hahahaha. They're incorrigible
Aaron: I think this deserves its nomination just based on this sequence.
Julie: I guess I just don't get into these kinds of effects. It's just all so silly to me.
Aaron: I am not enjoying myself.
Julie: That means you need to drink more.
Aaron: I'm just impressed by the actual, you know, technical skill that this took. So the terrorists are going to turn out to be actual USAmericans, right?
Julie: Is that what his terrible accent implied?
Aaron: I dunno. Just guessin'. Will there be a couple of cameos of other Avengers in this?
Julie: Can Sam Jackson please show up?
Aaron: Oh dear Heavens I hope so.
Julie: Wasn't he in one of these though?
Aaron: The last one, I think. Remember, um, the girl from Her was in it. You know, I miss Jude Law. Where is he these days?
Julie: Oh, no you don't. He was in that Side Effects mess.
Aaron: Oooo. I haven't seen it yet. I'm gonna see that soon.
Julie: Also, why are we talking about Jude Law?
Aaron: He is the OS that Downey keeps calling "Jarvis". [Clearly this is Paul Bettany, and I can't recognize my thin British actors.]
Julie: Sam Jackson was in Iron Man 2!!!!!!
Aaron: Yeah.
Julie: Does that mean he'll show up? Or is he dead?
Aaron: SLJ? No.

Julie: Do we really need a small child in this?
Aaron: Children are the future.
Julie: Teach them well and let them lead the way.
Aaron: Haven't you read your Lee Edelman? This child is from 1999.
Julie: Yes… he looks like someone... The kid from The Flight of the Navigator? No, not like him, never mind.
Aaron: He just said "Dads leave. No need to be a pussy about it." Really??
Julie: Charming.
Aaron: Misogynist and unnecessary.
Julie: This is a movie about straight men for straight men. What do you expect?
Aaron: It's not for straight men; it's for young boys, right? So the film is actively policing the masculinity of adolescent boys? Thanks a lot.
Julie: No, it's for teenagers and adult men. Straight guys love this shit. Also, why is her name Pepper? That is ridiculous.
Aaron: She's a comic book. I have no idea. I am just sort of happy that two women spent more than 10 seconds talking about something other than a man.
Julie: Ooh, Bechdel Test. Check.
Aaron: Not much else to be happy about.
Julie: But why do famous actresses want to be in movies like this? I don't get it.
Aaron: I don't either. Money?
Julie: I guess. But Gwynnie's got plenty of that.

Aaron: What did I tell you?!
Julie: What - is he actually an American? Did I miss it?
Aaron: Dora the Explorer just made a cameo. Product placement.
Julie: Amazing.
Aaron: I like this small white Tennessean child
Julie: I want to punch him.
Aaron: I think he's funny. He's like a sassy sidekick.
Julie: That's because you're drunk.
Aaron: He's like the donkey in Mulan. Dale Dickey! I love this actress. I am so glad she's getting work.
Julie: Donkey? You mean dragon?
Aaron: Omigod. Dragon. All black people look the same.
Julie: Oh god, Aaron.

Julie: That wig is terrible on that lady. Or is that her actual hair? Ah, she's a demon. It's demon hair.
Aaron: Oh, so when Pepper said that Guy Pearce could weaponize people she was explaining the plot.
Julie: She said that? Hmm. Also this action sequence is fun.
Aaron: Very! I like this actress.
Julie: The demon actress? "I've dated hotter chicks than you?"Ugh. 
Aaron: Then she undercuts it! "That's all you got? A cheap trick and a cheesy one-liner?" So much xmas!
Julie: I know, right?
Aaron: The terrorists hate the baby jesus.
Julie: Well, we have that in common.
Aaron: Julie!
Julie: Aaron! You don't love baby J any more than I do.
Aaron: Neither does Lee Edelman.
Julie: I have no idea who this Lee person is.
Aaron: You're not up on your queer theory?
Julie: Well, you know I read it in my copious spare time and all.
Aaron: You are the busiest woman in the United States, girl. Apologies. No joke.
Julie: Haha. I'm sure.

Julie: Amurrrrrica. Haha. He is milking it. Ah. Is Don Cheadle ever coming back? What was the point of his 2 min?
Aaron: Hahaha. Why are you thinking about him?
Julie: I'm trying to entertain myself (I am currently watching his HBO show, House of Lies, which I enjoy him in).
Aaron: Here he is!!!! How weird.
Julie: Speak of the devil. Ah, half naked women. Of course.
Aaron: We are now in the Miss Chattanooga Christmas Pageant. Of course. This is so blatantly misogynist.
Julie: Ah! It's the guy from The Mindy Project! I think.
Aaron: Did you like that single cheesecake shot in Star Trek: into Darkness?
Julie: Cheesecake? You know I turned that mess off. I did not watch it all.
Aaron: Julie? Where is your dedication?
Julie: I have lost it. This year is terrible. I quit The Hobbit too.
Aaron: I think this year is great.
Julie: You are wrong. Every other year was great. Last year was great. So this year is bad.
Aaron: So many great films. Not nominated for Oscars.
Julie: OK, but that is not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the 57 Oscar-nominated films I had/have to watch.

Julie: Back to the movie at hand: I kind of love when it verges on horror.

Aaron: You love a horror movie.
Julie: I do. I wish a horror movie would be nominated. That would be so much more fun than this super hero shit.
Aaron: How long has it been since a horror movie has been nominated for something?
Julie: Silence of the Lambs? (Which I don't even consider a horror movie, really.)
Aaron: That was 20 years ago!
Julie: Well. People don't take horror seriously. Because most of it is crap. But it's fun crap! Sleepy Hollow. Sweeney Todd.
Aaron: Don Cheadle just quoted whatshisname: Charlton Heston.
Julie: I missed it. I was googling Oscar-nominated horror movies.
Aaron: He said "If you want this suit you're gonna have to pry it from my cold dead body." Robert Downey Jr. is like acting in this.

Julie: The screenwriter probably didn't think he was quoting anything. He probably thought he was the genius that made that line up.
Aaron: Sleepy Hollow. That was a fun horror movie.
Julie: I remember not liking it, actually.
Aaron: I can't remember. That was in, like, 1999.
Julie: Misery. That was a good one. Kathy Bates was nominated.
Aaron: Oh yeah! She is awesome in that.
Julie: That was a year before Silence of the Lambs. Those were the last two good horror movies nominated. Sad. This movie is feeling very Bond right now.
Aaron: Ok, but District 9 sort of, right? I mean, that movie was gross.
Julie: Nah, that's Sci-Fi
Aaron: Not a horror movie, obvs.
Julie: Some Sci-Fi can be horror. Like Alien and Predator.
Aaron: Hollow Man?
Julie: I don't know that one!
Aaron: With Kevin Bacon. He turns invisible. It's good!
Julie: Oh yes. I remember now. That is horror. But not good horror.
Aaron: 2000, I think.
Julie: I love me some Bacon though. The Following, his new show, has horror moments. It's great fun.
Oh my god, Ben is British!
Aaron: He's kind of great right now.
Julie: Hahaha, yeah, he is. (On a side note: Ethan Hawke is totally into doing horror, which I love. It's nice when legit actors get in on it.)
Aaron: I am loving Ben Kingsley right now. What is Ethan Hawke doing?

Mr. Hawke in Sinister

Julie: The Purge, Sinister.
Aaron: Are these films?
Julie: Yes. Very recent, in the last few years. The Purge was last summer.
Aaron: Oh. Cool.
Julie: I mean, it wasn't good. But I appreciate his being so game to do that kind of thing.
Aaron: Did you miss the part where Rebecca Hall turned out to be a baddie?
Julie: Holy shit! She did! You can't let me go on and on about horror like that. I get carried away.
Aaron: I do not understand your love for horror. But I sort of approve.
Julie: Ha! "Sort of approve"? What does that mean?
Aaron: I mean, I watched them with you a lot of times, so I approved enough. Oh, wait. Rebecca Hall isn't a baddie. She's complex. She's a turncoat. She will betray Guy Pearce in the end.
Julie: You watched Teeth with me. I think that was it. I think you're right about Becky.
Aaron: No. We saw Rosemary's Baby together. And Poltergeist. And The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari.
Julie: We did? But I had already seen those. Were they your first times? Oh yes that Cabinet mess.
Aaron: Yes! [We are talking about the 2005 remake so don't get angry at us.]
Julie: Oh! It was a teaching moment then! That's fun. Bringing you into the horror. Didn't Ruth come over for these? We had like a horror movie club for like a hot second, right?

Aaron: Are they gonna kill off Pepper Pots?
Julie: I hope so.
Aaron: Not just Ruth! Herman, Becky. A whole buncha folks.
Julie: I remember Herman not enjoying Teeth. Haha.
Aaron: He was wrong. Teeth was awesome. And campy.
Julie: So awesome. I own it on DVD now, y'know. I like to revisit it from time to time.
Aaron: Hahaha. Sadist.
Julie: :D

Aaron: That guy just breathed fire! I want to be him.
Julie: Don Cheadle is kicking ass! Or he was, for a moment.
Aaron: He kicked ass for one second.
Julie: But it was a great second.

Don Cheadle's biceps

Aaron: It was. At least this Iron Man has more than just punching.
Julie: Truth.
Aaron: There are good, cool, technologies for killing people in this one. The last one was like Real Steel with people inside.
Julie: I don't know why we didn't drunk-watch Real Steel.
Aaron: Didn't we?
Julie: Hahaha, no. But you were probably drunk when you watched it, I'm guessing.
Aaron: Thanks, Hercule Poirot. More girls in bathing suits.
Julie: Why are girls in sequined bikinis playing ping pong? Is Ben drinking Budweiser? So Amurrrrican.
Aaron: For the teenage boys in the audience. Ben Kingsley is so good.
Julie: His accent is making this film.
Aaron: I take back everything I said at the beginning of this movie.
Julie: Well, not everything.
Aaron: Well, everything about Sir Ben.
Julie: Fair. Would the vice president really be talking on an unsecured line like that? President or Pepper? Who to save, who to save???
Aaron: He's a baddie. It's part of the plot.
Julie: Also, what was with the kid in the wheel chair? Was that shot necessary?
Aaron: He is, like, in support of the technologies that make fake bodies. You know, redoing DNA. That's how they got to him. He has a disabled daughter.
Julie: Oh. Good lord, I have not been paying attention to anything.
Aaron: That makes him vulnerable. Yeah, Guy Pearce chose soldiers who had lost limbs and shit. They joined up so that they could regrow their limbs and become awesome fighting machines.
Julie: Fascinating. It's like a whole new movie.
Aaron: This actor is cute. If I were into white frat guys.
Julie: Indeed. Been there, done that. No thank you. :)
Aaron: Indeed. I like when British people say "thirteen" USAmericans always say "thirt-teen,"but Brits say "thirteen." pronouncing the t only once.
Julie: You are such a grammar nazi. Also I don't understand this barrel of monkeys thing happening.
Aaron: This is absurd.
Julie: No joke.
Aaron: Iron Man just got hit by a car.
Julie: But it wasn't really him so it's OK.
Aaron: I didn't see that coming. I must admit.
Julie: Me neither.
Aaron: I have to pee. Can we pause?
Julie: I peed without pausing.
Aaron: You did? How drunk are you?
Julie: I am only nearly done with my second beer.
Aaron: That is absurd. I have had 3 IPAs.
Julie: Holy shit!
Aaron: I'm drunk, girl.
Julie: Well, you need to be. But you will be feeling it tomorrow.
Aaron: Don Cheadle just joined this as an actual supporting character. I am delighted.
Julie: I know, but he was literally not in like 1/3 of the movie. So weird.

Aaron: I'm confused....
Julie: What's new?
Aaron: Robots punching people. Fucking PG13 movies. I can't bear it. I am opening a 4th IPA.

Julie: This movie is turning into Transformers! I like it.
Aaron: I wish it were. I like those bad movies.
Julie: I finished my second beer. I am done. As I am done with this movie.
Aaron: He just said "dinner." I'm hungry.
Julie: I ate a bag of popcorn and a bowl of pretzels. I am done with that, too. Guy Pearce is calling Robert a turtle. What is happening?
Aaron: I need some dim sum.
Julie: Do they even have that in Tallahassee?
Aaron: I was dreaming I was back in Los Angeles. Don Cheadle! Biceps!
Julie: He's a badass, remember?
Aaron: He's great. And his polo isn't even dirty!
Julie: Superstar. Why is Gwynnie half naked?
Aaron: Fanboys? That shit is offensive.
Julie: He didn't catch her.
Aaron: She looks great, though.
Julie: He is terrible at life.
Aaron: Maybe Don Cheadle caught her!
Julie: Oh, right. I'm sure he did. Guy just said "I would've caught her." Burn.
Aaron: Literally. He's, like, made of fire.
Julie: Hahaha.
Aaron: Guy pearce without a shirt. Finally. I've waited 2 hours for that.
Julie: Yeah, why have all the men been fully clothed this entire time? I want to see some abs.
Aaron: No abs. It's all digital.
Julie: They could've made some digital abs. Lame.
Aaron: The real star of this movie: Jarvis, the OS. He and ScarJo from Her should totes date.
Julie: I knew you were going to go there. Haha.
Aaron: I love a romance.
Julie: Guy just got creamed by Pepper!
Aaron: Pepper Hots!
Julie: She is terrifying.
Aaron: Seriously. This is cool.
Julie: "Who's the hot mess now?" she asks.
Aaron: Hahaha.
Julie: The answer is, obviously, this movie.
Aaron: There are the abs. Gwyneth's abs are awesome.

Aaron: His facial hair. What the fuck. Why does he look like that?
Julie: He is trying to regain his youth? Or something? What happened to Cheadle?
Aaron: This movie, like The Lone Ranger, hates technology. Why is there so much fear about technology? This. Facial. Hair. How does he even do that?
Julie: I literally cannot focus on anything else. TN kid!
Aaron: Zzzzzz. Surrogate dad.
Julie: What? You liked him. A lot.
Aaron: Not that I have anything against surrogate fatherhood. Wait, so, like, Iron Man is done?
Julie: What did he just throw into the ocean? I don't believe it.
Aaron: His power source thing.
Julie: (I don't think we're supposed to believe it.) I AM IRON MAN. BOOM!
Aaron: But how is he Iron Man if he's not, like, BIONIC?
Julie: Because it's in his soul, Aaron. What are these credits? I'm getting nauseous.
Aaron: Reliving the best moments of the film? It's like a play by Ken Ludwig.
Julie: Hahaha.

Aaron: This score is reminiscent of James Bond now. Right?
Julie: Yes. This film was trying to be a Bond film.
Aaron: You called it. Miguel Ferrer, the guy who played the Vice President: Is he somehow related to José Ferrer?

Miguel Ferrer in the original RoboCop.
It seemed important.

Julie: I don't know, but speaking of Mulan, he was the voice of Shan-Yu. So there's that. But let's get down to business. This mess is not winning anything. I mean, it was only nominated for one thing, and it doesn't have a shot in hell.
Aaron: No. Obviously not. He is José Ferrer's son. For the record.
Julie: I am glad you figured that out. for your own sense of mind.
Aaron: Did the other Iron Mans win anything? Sense of mind? I thought I was the drunk one.
Julie: Negative.
Aaron: Well then this one is out for sure. Gravity has Visual Effects in the bag.
Julie: Yes. I don't think there is a technical category that it doesn't have in the bag.
Aaron: For real. Well, Production Design. I am disappointed no other Avengers were in this.
Julie: Oh yeah. I said Gatsby would win that. Though now I'm not so sure.
Aaron: I was waiting for Loki or Thor or, you know, the Hulk or something.
Julie: I am really disappointed Sam didn't show up.
Aaron: 12 Years wins Production Design. As part of a larger 12 Years resurgence.
Julie: Haha. Yeah, ok. You are cracked.
Aaron: Skeptic. The other options are Her or Hustle.
Julie: Well, I would like Her to win, but it won't. And honestly, Gatsby's design was pretty amazing.
What is this aural button? Oh. there he is. Mark Ruffalo!
Aaron: The Hulk. Finally.
Julie: Of all the super heroes in all the world.
Aaron: There were supposed to be laughs in there, right? Why am I not charmed by this?
Julie: No. But the teenage boys are supposed to be.
Aaron: What is the eroticism of these teenage boys toward Tony Stark? This is some kind of desiring machine.
Julie: Well they want to be him. That's all. Are you there? Or did you pass out after the 4th IPA?
Aaron: Don't make this less homoerotic than it is. Sorry. I was talking to one of my sons. He's watching Blue Jasmine.
Julie: Focus!
Aaron: Sorry.

Julie: Is there anything else we really need to say about this?
Aaron: Why do the buttons of these films always disappoint?
Julie: Because buttons inherently disappoint. They are always stupid.
Aaron: But the whole point of a button is anricipation of something.

Talk to the hand, guuurl.

Julie: Anricipation?
Aaron: Built into the concept of the button is build-up. So the point of the button is to deliver on this anticipation/anricipation.
Julie: Well, there is obviously going to be a 4th film.
Aaron: I see dollar signs. Like Haley Joel Osment sees dead people.
Julie: Oh dear.
Aaron: I also see IPA.
Julie: Hahaha. Too much of it, methinks. I am le tired.
Aaron: Never.
Julie: It may be bed time.
Aaron: I am at home. I don't need to drive. And I haven't texted any ex boyfriends. I am going to chalk this up as a victory.
Julie: Well, color me impressed!
Aaron: Hahaha. Alright. XO.
Julie: Til next time!
Aaron: OK. Love and kisses and pepper and pots.
Julie: Haha. Same to you. G'night!
Aaron: Night.