On the Power of Names

I shared this post with my friends Jaime and Sarah today and then we had the subsequent conversation about names.

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A post shared by Julian Sheridan (@julesesestv)

Jai: Suzie! 😍 A warm bath lol love him

My friend at work is changing her last name to her dad’s after 20 years of wanting to do it and she said it’s the most powerful thing she’s ever experienced.

Aaron: I love this for her!

Sarah: After I saw Leaving Las Vegas I wished my name was spelled Sera. It seemed more interesting. I feel like I’m def a Sarah, but the normal spellings are so boring

Jai: This is so interesting. Because I honestly don't feel like a Jaime lol. I figured everyone felt that way 🤔

Aaron: It’s so interesting how we don’t really name ourselves but names have such magic that we feel we can’t change them.

Trans people are, in fact, teaching us so much. Can we wield the magic power of naming ourselves?

Jai: I love that you call it magic 😆 because that's so what it is! How much more powerful can it get then naming ourselves. In occult teachings a lot of demons and other entities won't even give you their name because you would then hold too much power over them.

Aaron: Right! And we know this also very intimately because of the way our middle names are used.

Like if mom says your middle name.

Jai: 🤣

Aaron: I’m serious though!

Jai: I totally get it! I'm 100% with you on this. And even like sometimes my husband will say "Jaime" and it makes me stop and pause in a very real way because of how often we don't usually do that you know?

Aaron: Sarah was saying this the other day. That when you text each other you don’t usually say the person’s name.

I’ve started to use it sometimes when I text her.

Jai: So interesting

Aaron: I love what you said about demons not giving away their true names.

The magic of names fascinates me, and I've considered changing mine, but now I think we've been through so much together. I don't feel like my name represents me in any real way – in other words I don't think it's a version of me or gets something about me, really. But my name does stand in for me, especially in published material of course. It's funny, though, because hearing the name under which I publish (with the middle initial) said out loud by someone is a weird feeling. It's like I'm not really gonna live up to that name. That name seems way bigger than me.

Summing Up 2019

1. What did you do in 2019 that you'd never done before?
To be honest, it hasn't actually been a very outrageous year. I guess I'm getting older and more stuck in my ways. Or maybe it's that I'm back in Tallahassee...
I went to Puerto Rico, which I have never done before. I also chaired an MA thesis (I've chaired MFA theses before, but never an MA).

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My resolution for last year was to send out one article every semester of last year. I will still achieve this resolution. I just need to make sure I send another one out in the next two weeks! (I will.) My other resolution was to brunch more. I have to say honestly that I did not achieve this resolution in the way that I really want to, and I think this is because I really wasn't as dedicated as I ought to have been to this important goal.
In short, I would like to repeat my resolutions for 2020. I would like to send an article out every semester and I would like to brunch more. If you're in the same city I'm in on any given Sunday, let's make brunch plans.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I don't think so.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, no.

5. What countries did you visit?
Now, this is technically still the United States because of colonialism, but I got to visit some of Puerto Rico in March. I got to see San Juan as well as El Yunque. It is a very, very cool place, and I ate a lot of mofongo.

6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?
Better shoes and better clothes. I need to decide that I'm going to spend money on these things. I shop as though I'm still a graduate student. I try to dress nicely, and I think I do ok, but it's really not a priority, and I think I should make it one.

7. What dates from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
June 17th, July 5th, and July 8th were probably my favorite days of the year in 2019. I spent June 17th with my colleague Jessica in Harrisonburg, Virginia. We went to a crazy winery on top of a mountain, ate great food, and hung out with her son Macauley. I spent both days in July with a guy I met in Lynchburg named Brett. The 5th was me and Brett and Jacob and Jared jumping around wineries and a brewery and a cidery (!) in central Virginia. On the 8th I had brunch with Brett and then went to Ankida Ridge winery where I met my friends George and Raechelle. We sang and talked and had a great day.
Obviously, there are some themes here: chiefly wine, Virginia, and queerness.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Working on the new production of The Bluest Water and getting to see it come to fruition with my wonderful collaborators at Endstation Theatre Company.
Publishing my article "Truth and Translation at the Heart of Violence" in Theater. I'm really proud of it.
Reworking the curriculum for the BA in Theatre at the School of Theatre at Florida State.
See also #22.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I am having a rough time with my scholarship at the moment. I have a lot of ideas, and I'm tossing around things in my head – I even have a clear schema for how my next book will look – but even if my College is invested in me having more time to do my writing, my colleagues are not really invested in that. They have so far tended to be invested in me taking on administrative projects. I know this is to be expected, and I also know they don't owe me any favors, which means that my failure here is not finding a very good balance with my own work and the work that my colleagues place on my plate.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No big illnesses or injuries this year.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I finally bought a new laptop. I had had my old one since my first year teaching at Dartmouth (Fall 2012), and it was way past time.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My friend Michelle, who deservedly won, like, every article-award in the field of theatre and performance studies for her piece "No 'Thing to Wear'", which I adore.
I had dinner with my former student Alex in April, and he's now working for the Florida Rights Restoration Coalition. I'm also really proud of Tommy Heller for the public service work he's doing with shelters and in courtrooms in New York. Obviously I am proud of many of my students, but this kind of work is really close to my heart.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I really think the Republicans in the U.S. Congress are probably the worst people in the world.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Into my savings. I started planning for my retirement in earnest this year.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The ASTR 2019 conference. Seeing the MET Broadcast of Akhnaten. Seeing my friend Jaime, who I haven't seen in many years. Hanging out in Joshua Tree with Yasser, Katie, and Jonathan. Getting to see Matt and Geoff in Tallahassee. Honey Boy

16. What song will always remind you of 2019?


Carly Rae Jepsen's "Too Much"

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Sadder, but I was very happy this time last year.
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter, but I was very thin this time last year.
c) richer or poorer? Richer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Writing. Reading. Brunching. Kissing. Walking around without pants. Happy hour. Instagramming cooking adventures.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Sitting in faculty meetings. Worrying about what others think about my writing.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
With my family in Los Angeles. The theme for this year's Christmas dinner is Mediterranean. I'm making a vegetarian maqluba, roasted eggplant dip, a lentil soup with lemon, tahini cookies, and a cake with cardamom and rose water.

21. Did you fall in love in 2019?
No, but I dated a handsome guy named Nate for a few months until ... he ghosted me. That was strange. He was pretty great, though, and I was sorry he didn't want to continue seeing me. I fell for a couple other guys, too – by which I mean I met two different guys I got along with great and would date if we were in the same city. In other words, I'm trying to remain vulnerable and open.

22. How many one-night stands?

Team Baga Chipz!

Seven. And I am so proud of myself!

23. What was your favorite TV program?
I only watched RuPaul's Drag Race season 11, RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars season 4, the first season of RuPaul's Drag Race UK, and Paolo Sorrentino's series The Young Pope. It took me a while to warm to The Young Pope, and all of that Drag Race was maybe a bit much for one year...

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nope! But I still hate the people I added to the list last year.

25. What was the best book you read?
I keep track of this on GoodReads.
Definitely George Eliot's Middlemarch. I also loved Larry Mitchell's The Faggots & Their Friends Between Revolutions and Tavia Nyong'o's Afro-Fabulations. Patricia Nell Warren's gay classic The Front Runner, which I finally read this year, moved me deeply.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I am not sure I made one of these this year, but my friend Dayne sent me Carly Rae Jepsen's latest album, Dedicated, and although I was skeptical I quickly became obsessed. Carly's just great! I spent most of my time listening to the new Bon Iver album, i,i, and the new James Blake album, Assume Form.

27. What was the best piece of theatre you saw?
Oh that's easy. Phelim McDermott's fabulous staging of Philip Glass's Akhnaten with Anthony Roth Costanzo, J'Nai Bridges, and (the brilliant) Zachary James.

28. What did you want and get?
Really, really fit. (I'm not still that fit, but I did get there.)

29. What did you want and not get?
A published copy of my book The Violate Man. It's waiting to shine patiently in the wings like a good supporting actress.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Pedro Almodóvar's Dolor y Gloria (Pain & Glory) followed by Bong Joon-ho's Parasite. But (as usual) I have another 30 movies to see still.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I got a massage, proctored a comprehensive exam for one of my MA students, taught a class, held student hours, met with a guy to repair my shower, and turned 38. My friends Anne and Jennifer and Wade took me out to dinner, and we drank drinks, ate a lot of food, and had a great time.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Honestly, a boyfriend. I am throwing lines out; I've really been trying, but I haven't found someone I want to spend a lot of time with who also wants to spend a lot of time with me – at least not someone who lives anywhere remotely close to me.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019?
Short-sleeved, patterned button-ups that bring out my eyes.

34. What kept you sane?
Watching movies with Greg. Cocktail hour with Tate. Chatting with Patrick and Dayne. Happy hours with Elliott and Kellen and Chari. Almost any time I spent with Meredith and Jason. Matt telling me things without sugar-coating them.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Sukkolawat Kanarot. I saw him in Malila: the Farewell Flower and promptly fell in love.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Prison abolition. And linked to this is obviously the legalization of marijuana. This needs to happen immediately.

37. Whom did you miss?
Wahima, Justin, Elizabeth, Ashley, Danny, J, Dayne, Caleb, Joe, Tenley, Marko, Michael.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
I met Brett Hastie at the very end of 2018, but I feel like I really connected with him this summer, and I'm so glad I did. He's wise, caring, and generous, and now he lives in Spain and I am sorry I can't hang out with him.

39. Tell us a valuable life-lesson you learned in 2019:
Do not waste time on other people's time-wasting tactics! One thing that I have seen happen at my University is that a person will use stall tactics and ask me to go away and think about something or bring them research on a particular topic. Often this person is someone who actually makes the decision. They know that they don't want to do anything differently or make any substantive change, but they also know that other people want to make changes. In order to pretend that they're willing to change, they ask for more time and often also request the labor of the people who want to make changes. Because we want change, we think, ah! I will do this work and then we will get somewhere! Not so fast. It was all a hoodwink. There was never going to be any change. I have learned to avoid these kinds of tactics when they're presented to me. I am happy to do the work, if it's actually gonna help us change something. If not? No thanks. I need to spend my time working on things that can change and working for people who want to make things better for more people.

40. Share an important quotation from 2019:
"Her finely touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Alexander broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs."
—George Eliot, Middlemarch

A Quote from My Coworker

Chari: It's like at the beginning of The Great Beauty when one of the Japanese tourists dies.
Aaron: Those tourists were Chinese, Chari.
Chari: ...I told you I was a bad Asian.

Separating Our Selves

I'm reading the Marquis de Sade's La Philosophie dans le Boudoir at the moment with a couple of other gay men (queer book club!) and one of the things that I am finding interesting about it is that it is – as the title Philosophy in the Bedroom might have intimated – a series of philosophical dialogues that take place in the bedroom. Sade's dialogue, though, is actually a dialogue about philosophy. These sexually voracious characters talk about more than sex; they talk about Enlightenment philosophy, the nonexistence of gods, ethical points of view, justice, etc.

And sex is obviously a kind of background for this philosophy: once one decides that freedom and pleasure are important ideals, one's philosophical ideas are shaped by those principles. But I think I am surprised with the fluidity with which Sade moves from talking about, say, giving to the poor (or not, as the case may be) and, some scandalous-for-the-eighteenth-century sexual activity like lesbian cunnilingus.

I think the reason I am interested in this easy switching between the world of le boudoir and the world of la philosophie is because I am not sure I do this switching so very well. Now, obviously, I am a queer man who has made his queerness central to the practice of his own scholarship, and indeed I both write and read history from the point of view of queer historiography. I always say that I learned how to be queer from the theorists I read and loved when I started studying: Gloria Anzaldúa, Cherríe Moraga, Pat Califia, Leo Bersani. And this queer subject position and my political interests have influenced my own investments in queer theory. This is one of the ways that queerness and queer theory have had an effect on literary studies, on historiography, on the humanities in general. The personal is political, feminist criticism taught us, and many of us have made queerness not only central to our own life-worlds but also central to our critical position within our fields.

But this is an identity position and a critical position related to my subjectivity not exactly (in fact rather far from) a sexual position. And what I am not sure I do so well is move with fluidity between the philosopher I understand myself to be and myself as a desiring sexual subject or (less frequently) a desired sexual object.

I am thinking about this because I recently finished Nick Salvato's brilliant book Obstruction, and in chapter one he theorizes embarrassment as a feeling that arises in a social situation when the performance of self is exposed "as undesirably or nonideally multiple and divided" (40). In other words, we feel embarrassment when a self that we are used to performing in one social situation is somehow exposed or highlighted in a social situation in which we are not used to performing that (version of our) self. For example, I may be quite comfortable talking in a very in-depth way about The Lord of the Rings and the history of Middle Earth with one group of friends, but would feel distinct embarrassment were one of those people to ask me a detailed question about Tolkien in front of a group of my students. My teacher-self and my Tolkien-loving self don't really move in the same spheres, or rather I perform one version of my self to my students and another to my Tolkien-loving friends. And this confusion of selves or perceived-as-incorrect spatial configuration or relation for one (or more of my selves) is experienced affectively as a cringe or blush – embarrassment.

But we are talking about sex (or at least we were), and I was saying that I don't think that I've done a very good job of merging my sexual self and my philosophical self. Or perhaps what I mean to say is that I have kept these two versions of my self quite separate for reasons I am not sure I really understand. I don't think this is to say that I am embarrassed about my own sexual desires or activities or partners as a philosopher, but perhaps I am embarrassed about the philosophy in my bedroom, concerned to the point of embarrassment with oh-I-don't-know ethics or critical race theory or radical queer feminism or (and this seems very likely) the theorization of sexual violence.

I am not really sure where I am headed with these observations, but perhaps what I want to say is that for Sade, sex – the boudoir – makes philosophy very very simple. Sexual liberty as a personal political mandate makes theorizing about the rest of his world so much easier. For me, on the other hand, I think philosophy has made sex rather a bit more difficult.

Short Conversations about A Feast for Crows (Book 4)

SPOILERS FOR BOOK FOUR OF A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE BELOW.  

Me: The reason I dislike Cersei so much has nothing to do with cruelty and everything to do with stupidity. She doesn't think before she does things. And she always assumes she has power when she does not. And she's rude.
Jeanne: That's so funny! Especially the rude part. She's definitely not as cunning as other Lannisters. She's easily seen through and doesn't recognize it.
Me: Like Melisandre; I love her.
Jeanne: I don't remember if I like Melisandre in the books. Definitely not in the show...
Me: If she were cruel and smart I wouldn't mind her at all.

Caleb: Yeah, no one has ever claimed that you didn't like a character because of their cruelty. If anything that endears them to you.
Me:  Hahaha. Rude.
Caleb: Arg. I never want to say too much, but I think your opinion might change. I think mine did. I felt like you when she was talking to her uncle. Assuming that has happened.
Me: Ah. Ok. Yeah. You're with me. I thought she was a fool.
Caleb: I felt like she was a flat character there. Felt like bad writing to me. No depth or nuance to her in that scene but also in general... she just wants power and assumes she is in charge. Because she is hot. And although that's sort of true for many hot ladies, no one is that one-dimensional. Or if they are, they aren't very interesting characters.
Me: Yeah. I find her rude and presumptuous and precipitate. She assumes she has power where she does not. And she doesn't bother trying to win people's loyalty. She never wants to bargain.

Me: Cersei has this friend whom she is manipulating. She put this woman's husband on the council. And she tells her that she was in love with some trader or pirate or something and Cersei thinks Yes. You're all whores in the free cities. Now, I have nothing against sex or whores at all, but, like, what a hypocrite Cersei is! She was sleeping with her cousin and two different Kettleblacks. Not to mention her brother.
Jeanne: But that's different. Hahaha. She's definitely not self aware, that is for sure.
Me: I don't understand what people like about her.
Jeanne: Who likes her? No way! Well, she just continues to get more pathetic to me.
Me: Yeah. She is the new Catelyn for me. Before at least I didn't have to hear her opinions about everyone. I could hate her from afar. But now everything is from her idiotic perspective. I cheer when things don't go her way. Like Kevan Lannister telling her where to go.
Jeanne: Hahaha. You are too funny. You just can't stand stupidity. And the lack of self awareness. She definitely struggles to manipulate intelligent people.

Me: Loving Brienne in this book!
Catie: Right??? So good!

Me: I am going to pray to the drowned god for help.
Caleb: Those who have drowned can never drown again?
Me: What is dead can never die!
Caleb: Whatever.
Me: Hahaha.
Caleb: Once you get to the middle of book 5 let me know if you start feeling fatigue. Not that the stories have always been simple, but by then you just have to ask yourself How many stories can I really care about? 
Me: Oh I am sure I will. The iron-born are zzzzzz.
Caleb: Eh. I am mixed on them. But it might be because I know that things get more interesting... but still. There's a limit to the number of characters and intrigues one can care about. And I feel that he keeps trying to top himself with gross depictions of death. And unusual sex acts. That's all fine, but really, it's not a contest, GRRM.
Me: Also, more dragons please. If the iron born wake a mother fucking Sea Dragon then they will redeem themselves. The trouble with book 4 is that Brienne and Jaime are the only interesting characters.
Caleb: I feel that Brienne is cliché, no? Jaime is interesting, but Oh I am a badass woman who has never been treated as a lady until Jaime is nice to me... Eh.
Me: It isn't that he treats her as a woman. They're, like, drawn to one another and they don't know why. That's cool. And Brienne's chapters have Podrick Payne. Sorry, I didn't mean that they are the only interesting characters. I meant that theirs are the only interesting storylines. I'm into Samwell and Arya and the Martell woman too, but they're barely in it.

Caleb: I like all of the Dornish characters. You care about Podrick?
Me: Totally!
Caleb: Honestly I had forgotten he was a person. I had to look him up to remember.
Me: Haha. I like him.
Caleb: Why? His loyalty? I can't see you caring about the loyalty of a character. That's all I see him as.
Me: I think he's funny. He's stupid but intrepid and surprising.
Caleb: Here's the wiki picture of him. Perfect, in my opinion.
Me: Hahahaha. Poor Pod. I miss Sansa.
Caleb: Why do you love the characters that I hate?
Me: Always!
Caleb: I don't hate Sansa, but what a washup. I mean, again: cliché. Oh I want to be a princess and I'm surprised to find out that the world isn't a fairy tale.
Me: But she adapts.
Caleb: Yes, she grows, but so do all of the characters. I wouldn't say that makes her more interesting.
Me: Growth is not normal for Starks. Arya and Sansa excepted.
Caleb: Uh, well... I can't say what I want to about that. But know that it was witty and cutting. But also revealing.
Me: Hahaha. Ok. So noted.
Caleb: How many of the Starks are alive where you are?
Me: The girls. Bran. Jon Snow. Rickon.

Me: I get so excited whenever anyone speaks sensibly in these books. Lady Jenna Frey née Lannister is visiting Jaime outside Riverrun at the moment, and she is being smarter than anyone else has been this whole book.
Catie: Wait... refresh me.
Me: This woman is Tywin's sister. And she is saying things like Tyrion is your father's son; not you. Also anyone who is smart makes me happy. It is one of the reasons I love Jaime so much.
Catie: Oh yeah!!!! Yes. GRRM lets a lady be smart!!! And not naked.
Me: Haha. There are other smart women too. In fact, this book is a whole book about women: Cersei, Arianne, Asha Greyjoy, Brienne, Sansa, Arya. There are only three male narrators, really: Sam, Jaime, and Victarion.
Catie: Everyone hates this book in the series – I found it quite refreshing!
Me: Well, no Tyrion. So that's rough. Also: Cersei. She is the fuckin' worst.
Catie: THE WORRRRRRSSSSSST. Just. Die.
Me: And she is so stupid!
Catie: She is a waste of words. I would rather have to keep up with twenty more characters than ever hear about her.
Me: Seriously. The only bright spot of her chapters is occasionally hearing about the Tyrells.
Catie: Right? If GRRM dies before killing her off — pissed.
Me: Petyr Baelish already said that to Sansa. Something like Some people who think they are queens but are really pawns may just kill themselves. We wouldn't even have to do any work.
Catie: Hahaha. Little Finger.
Me: Little Finger. Almost always on point.
Catie: No pun intended. (Nailed it.)
Me: You're telling me she doesn't fucking die in this book? Somebody has to die at the end, doesn't he? Ugh. I was hoping it was her.
Catie: She hasn't died. Spoiler alert. Shit happens but she. has. not. died.
Me: Maybe it'll be the Crow's Eye. No. Probably not him either. Is he gonna kill anyone?!
Catie: I forget. It's definitely not someone huge.
Me: Ugh.

Me: Oh my god. Arya is a psychopath. She just killed that singer.
Caleb: Yeah. Yeah she did. I mean, he was kind of a dick. But I loved the scenes at the "one-night-marriage whorehouse". I just love that GRRM is pointing out that adultery is all a matter of timing when you have the sex.
Me: Yes! And the mummers are better priests than the priests.

Me: By the way, I still hate Cersei. She is actually insane. I didn't mind her so much before because I didn't have to follow her decision-making processes. I like characters who act intelligently and from a place of reason. She is irrational and delusional.
Caleb:Well hold on. It... gets... different. I think.
Me: I'm almost done with this book. I mean, maybe you are right. But I don't see how right now. She has done so many dumb things.
Caleb: I can't say more, since you don't want to know if she's alive in future books.

Me: Finished Feast for Crows. Cersei finally got some comeuppance. And she is as insane as ever. I love Jaime. Love love love Jaime. And I was into the end. So mysterious!
Jeanne: What happens at the end? I know I should have expected Cersei's downfall, but it totally shocked me! It was so good to see it happen, though.
Me: It shocked me, too! But she was hoist with her own petard as they say. She shouldn't have gotten in bed with the High Septon.
Jeanne: So true. And Jaime – it'll be interesting to see what happens in future books.
Me: The end: Cersei is in real trouble. Arya is blind. Brienne is being murdered by the return of Catelyn Stark. Arianne Martell is going to be in charge of Dorne and Prince Martell is plotting revenge. Asha Greyjoy is who knows where. And Sam is at the Citadel, but the boy who died at the beginning of the book is somehow here at the end of the book. Maybe it's Jaqen H'ghar?
Jeanne: Dude. I love that Jaqen. And I love Arya's story in Braavos. And what is going on in the Citadel? I wanted to know more about those maesters. Brienne. Boo.
Me: Catelyn is just as awful as she always was. But now she's at least (almost) silent. I am sad about Brienne, but I expect that she hasn't quite died...? I'm the most sad about Podrick Payne. And Loras Tyrell.
Jeanne: Dude, you never know with GRRM. Hopefully she's not. Lady Stoneheart is nt in the show, and I'm kinda bummed about it. I find it interesting.
Me: Not yet. That happened at the end of the third book. And the show hasn't done all of the end of the third book yet.
Jeanne: Yeah, but the actress's publicist said that she wasn't doing it... at least not season five. The actress is back, per IMDB. I think they are doing flashbacks this season to show some of the background.
Me: Well, it would make sense that Lady Stoneheart wasn't the same actress, maybe.
Jeanne: Hmmm. Good point.

Short Conversations about A Storm of Swords (Book 3)

SPOILERS FOR BOOK THREE OF A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE BELOW.  

Me: New favorite character from Book 3. The Queen of Thorns. What a delightful old bitch!
Tom: Lady Olenna is amazeballs.
Jeanne: Yes! She is awesome. Very wily!
Me: One more reason to love the Sansa chapters. I love me some Sansa.
Jeanne: Ugh.
Me: Haha. Stark-hater.
Jeanne: I do hate that one.

Me: The book in which Catelyn gets herself killed is destined to be my favorite book. My hopes for this book are: more Jaime, more Melisandre. Less Bran, less Catelyn. More Queen of Thorns! More Loras.
Kevin: Haha. Oh Loras. I don’t recall getting a lot of him.
Me: Sad. I miss the gays already.
Kevin: Yeah, they don’t get much after Renly is gone.
Me: They didn’t get much when he was around, frankly.

Me: Tom, they cut my dear Jaime's hand off. I might hate the Goat more than I even hate Catelyn.
Tom: Oh man...you got to the hand. Yeah that's a harsh blow.
Me: His fucking sword hand.
Tom: He will learn to use the other one, but still. It's going to be a great story as he gets there.
Me: Good. I love him. Like, LOVE.
Tom: Jaime losing his hand is actually one of my favorite story bits, because I like where it propels him. Has he been spending time with another maybe significant character before losing his hand?
Me: Brienne, you mean?
Tom: Yes.
Me: You love her.
Tom: I love the Jaime-Brienne buddy cop show. Love love love.
Me: I don't get it. She isn't smart enough for me. I need her to start thinking and stop being a Stark-man.
Tom: Be patient with her
Me: Oh, I am. She doesn't annoy me or anything. I just don't understand why she's so thick. You know I don't do well with the thick, single-minded ones.
Tom: That's fair
Me: Catelyn, Robb, Ned. Zzzzzz. Give me a thinker. Varys. Tyrion.
Tom: I love them too, just in different ways
Me: Haha. Unlike me. I turn on the characters and then I just want them dead. I am out for blood. I'm like Arya whispering into my pillow.

Tom: Two of my friends came so close to naming their daughter Arya. I wanted it so badly.
Me: That is a great name.
Tom: Yeah, it's just gotten über-popular since the show.
Me: I bet it has! Éowyn or Galadriel don't really have the same ring.
Tom: No, they seem really weird
Me: Arwen. That could work. But really all of GRRM's names are just normal names with Ys in them.
Tom: Hahahahaha
Me: I am obviously correct.
Tom: Most of the women, sure. I don't know a lot of Eddards, Theons, or Tyrions wandering around.
Me: Eddard is just Edward. He even calls him Ned for short. As for Theon it is a famous name from history. Old-school Greek name. And Tirion is a JRRT name.
Tom: Oh is it?
Me: Tirion upon Túna. Yeah. It's in World of Warcraft too. HAHA (not that I know anything about nerd things like that.)
Tom: You just dropped Tolkien and World of Warcraft in two sentences. You're a nerd!
Me: Nope. Absolutely not. I am cool. How dare you.
Tom: I didn't say that was a bad thing.

Me: Poor, dear Sansa. But Tyrion is being so sweet. So so sweet.
Jenny: God I love Tyrion and Sansa.
Me: I'm glad that they're married. But what I don't get about them is that we don't need two perspectives at King's Landing. This has been a problem from the beginning. Is he going to send her away?
Jenny: Well, I see what you mean about King's Landing. No spoilers from me!
Me: This is how I predicted that Arya/Ned/Sansa would get separated. Also: favorite character I didn't tell you about: Melisandre.
Jenny: Hmmm. Her.

Me: I love Lady Smallwood. This book has cool women in it.
Catie: Lady Smallwood. Yes!
Me: And now there is lesbian sex action. I’m delighted.
Catie: GRRM. Giving us what we want sometimes.
Me: Only occasionally. Daenerys is still boring. And then the next chapter: Bran.
Catie: I think it will be revealed that he is on acid. And he can walk. He’s just been tripping.
Me: Dear lord I hope so. They are called “green dreams”. Isn’t that what they call absinthe hallucinations?
Catie: YES. We win.

Me: Ooo. tell me things. What is the difference between "the whites" and "the others". I mean, I know the difference when I'm reading Eric Lott. But not GRRM.
Tom: I think they are different terms for the same thing, if memory serves.
Me: No no. Definitely not.
Tom: Ok then I'm not remembering. Is "The Others" the term for Mance's crew?
Me: Sam kills an "other" with the obsidian.
Tom: Ok right.
Me: But he wonders if it will work on the Whites. He isn't sure.
Tom: Yeah no they're the same thing according to the wiki of ice and fire. Wildings call them White Walkers. Crows call them Others.
Me: I think maybe "the others" is a way of talking about reanimated bears and shit. I think the Wiki might be wrong here. But I am confused, which is why I ask. So I know I'm not right.
Tom: The Wiki of Ice and Fire is not often incorrect. ASOIAF nerds are pretty hardcore about this sort of minutiae.

[If the wiki says they are the same, and I avoid the wiki because I am scared of spoilers, the wiki is wrong. The Whites are reanimated corpses created through some type of necromancy. The Others are the ones who created the Whites. They are not animated through necromancy or at least not the same type. We find out something akin to this at the end of ASOS.]

Me: Why isn't Catelyn Tully dead yet? I cannot bear her any longer.
Caleb: Where are you at? I don't want to say too much.
Me: A Storm of Swords. Catelyn III.
Caleb: You still have a while with her yet. And she goes on.
Me: I am sad about it. I can't wait for someone to kill her. When she was imprisoned with her dad I was so happy. I thought we'd be able to ignore her for a while. Meanwhile we still haven't had a Theon chapter. And I'm at least 25% of the way through. It's funny. I liked Eddard at the beginning of AGOT but hated him by the middle of it. And I liked Catelyn for a while too, until the first of second chapter of ACOK. But mid-way through that book I prayed for her death as often as she prays to the Mother.
Caleb: Even after you think she is finished she goes on. But not from her POV I think.
Me: As long as I don't have to listen to her moaning that's ok. Her point of view is absolutely insufferable.
Caleb: She kind of loses the ability to speak so, yeah.
Me: Caleb! Spoilers! That makes me sad. I want her dead.
Caleb: I said kind of. Kind of!

Me: If you gave Catelyn a piece of pie she’d figure out some way to complain about it.
Catie: Waste. Of. Space.
Me: Goddammit, Catie. I can always count on you to talk shit about Catelyn. It warms my cold, cold heart.
Jenny: You both have hearts of stone.
Catie: What a compliment!

Me: Fuck me I hate Catelyn. Like, I actually scream at her in the car. She is so so so fucking stupid. Like, she is actually thick. She doesn't put things together. What a fucking moron. I have started to take pleasure in anything that causes her grief. Like, actual pleasure. When the Freys are cleverer than her I laugh. When she found out that Tywin married Sansa to Tyrion I laughed at her. Because she doesn't actually see any options. She is just so fucking dumb.
Tom: Sigh. Your Stark hatred hurts me.
Me: But I don't hate the Starks! Why do you say that?
Tom: You hated Ned too
Me: I love Sansa and Arya and Jon Snow now that he is giving Ygritte head.
Tom: Oh Ygritte
Me: "You know nothing Jon Snow"
Tom: I often want to write that on student assignments

Me: I like this Sandor Clegane. He's a rebel. Scared of fire, but still.
Caleb: Well, yeah, his fucking face got burned off as a child. I think they say that when he's introduced.
Me: This third book is obsessed with Arya. I like it. Yeah. He tells little Sansa that at the Hand's Tourney.
Caleb: It doesn't matter what name you say. I will respond Don't get too attached.
Me: Haha. Yeah. I know.  
Caleb: Or at least don't get attached to them having all of their limbs, sight, or sexual organs, etc. It's all fair game in this book.
Me: GRRM loves to cut off hands most of all I think. Catelyn. Jon. Jaime. All have wounded hands. The hand might be the great metaphor of the series.
Caleb: Yeah, not only one hand cut off.
Me: Huh?
Caleb: I mean, Jon didn't lose his hand did he? Nor Catelyn. Just wounded.
Me: Yeah.
Caleb: I'm talking about stuff getting chopped off.
Me: But their writing focuses on their wounded hands a lot. Hasn't someone also lost an arm? I forget.
Me: Oh Davos!
Caleb: Oh yeah, he did lose some fingers. Ugh, "the king's hand being chopped off"? Come on. Not everything has deeper meaning.
Me: I didn't say that. I said the hand was a chief metaphor in the books.

Caleb: Isn't it Davoth? I think there's a th.
Me: No, no: Davos. I've only listened, too, but I surreptitiously look at the wiki.
Caleb: I haven't seen the name printed.
Me: omg then you have no idea. They are all spelled ridiculously.
Caleb: Davoth is a character in a Star Wars game that I played in college. And a character in a Discworld book. So easy to confuse.
Me: And he also mispronounces some names absurdly. It is Brienne of Tarth. And Ser Ilyn Peyn. Clearly not pronounced Bry-een. Or Il-ee-un.
Caleb: He changes in later books. At one point he says Bri-anne.
Me: And it's Ygritte not E-grette.
Caleb: He doesn't change that one. But Brienne changes a lot, so I had a hard time knowing who he was talking about for a minute. And some of the other characters change pronunciation too.
Me: You just told me Brienne lives for later books. Don't tell me any more, please.
Caleb: Well, statistically mose people live anyway, right? It's more of an exception with that many characters.
Me: Yeah. Makes sense. I don't even like Brienne.

Me: What is that Petyr Baelish doing? I love that the Queen of Thorns murdered that little asshole Joffrey. But Tyrion is now guilty of the murder and Jaime didn't do anything to stop it (yet).
Catie: Petyr Baelish is nuts. What book are you on?
Me: I'm still on book 3. Baelish kidnapped Sansa. Tyrion has been condemned.
Catie: Yes! that's right. Perfect
Me: And Arya and the hound are sweet besties.
Catie: That's right!
Me: Jon is, like, fighting wildlings at the wall. Zzzzz.
Catie: Jon is the zziest for a while.
Me: And we haven't heard from Bran in 10 years. Fine with that. But Lyssa Arryn. Crazy woman. Love her already.
Catie: He needs to write the next one - there's so many open things happening. Whats going on Daenerys?
Me: That boring old cow.
Catie: hahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaha boring.
Me: I'm on her last chapter in ASOS. She is freeing slaves.
Catie: Boring. Who even cares?
Me: And now she has just found out that like oooo once she left the cities they went back to being slave cities. Because she understands nothing about reality. She is the most entitled woman ever.
Catie: She really has so much honor, though. Like, this is the honorable thing to do.
Me: She is not honorable at all. Not at all.
Catie: Hahahahahaaha
Me: She is a liar! A complete liar.
Catie: She's a whiner, also.
Me: This is my new thing. The people I hate in the books are the ones who whine.
Catie: I mean, just burn the shit out of everyone with your dragons, call it a day, land in Westeros already. Literally the same thing happens to her for 959030303 pages
Me: Haha.
Catie: Tyrion and Varys. All day.
Me: All. Day. I love Jaime too. Standing up to Tywin? Badass.
Catie: Right? You think Jaime and Brienne are a thing?
Me: Um I hope not.
Catie: False. I am into it. Being attracted to women of all shapes and sizes, etc. Blah blah
Me: I'm into it if he starts fucking Loras. No no I see totally. I am with you.
Catie: Loras. hahahahahahaahahahaha omg you are my favorite

Me: I am nearing the end of book 3 of ASOIAF.
Caleb: Are you going to keep going or take a break? I had to take a break after 4. Not because anything happened. I mean, I am sure it did; it all runs together after a while.
Me: I bought the book 4 audiobook. Don't think I'll take a break right away but maybe after AFFC. I am into it. And if more magic starts happening I'll be even more into it. This is why I like Melisandre so much. I see the potential for some awesome magicks.
Caleb: What do you want me to say to that? You can't speculate about things and leave me anything to reply.
Me: Hahaha. I am looking for your feelings not the future. You can love and hate characters with me.
Caleb: Yeah, but I know if there's more or less magic to come. So if I said, Yeah, I wish that too, you'd know there wasn't. And if I said Yeah it happens then you'd know. I don't like Melisandre though. I'm a fan of Davos.
Me: No? It's Roy Dotrice's voice for Melisandre. I am obsessed with that sound.
Caleb: Like in an ASMR way?
Me: No. Hahaha.
Caleb: Well then I don't want to speculate there. I'm not sure I like many of his female voices. I like his Tyrion and his Jaqen was pretty good. Also his weird old Night's Watch voices.
Me: He drives me crazy mostly. But I love the Melisandre. And Tyrion and Jaime, which are basically the same.
Caleb: I like the family resemblance there. But when Jaime and his twin are talking to each other, it's like the same person and not in a good way. Just sounds like him talking to himself.
Me: Haha. I still hate her even if I like him.
Caleb: You hate her? I guess I went through that too.
Me: I mostly hate her stupidity and lack of efficacy. Once Joffrey dies I'm sure she'll get smarter. She is a fucking idiot about him.
Caleb: Yeah. Not gonna comment there.
Me: I didn't think you would. Just saying that I'm sure I'll like her better when she is less blind/stupid/single-minded about that idiot brat of a son of hers. But at the moment she is so annoying. Actually, I like her when she is with Sansa. In Sansa chapters I like Cersei. In other people's chapters I hate her.
Caleb: Ugh. I loath Sansa. I really wanted to like her but I just can't.
Me: I love her. In fact, we haven't had a Sansa chapter in this book for like 20 chapters and I actively miss her. 
Caleb: Wow. I can't say I feel that way. I feel that she doesn't change naturally to the things that happen to her. Other characters grow and change as new experiences happen, but she just keeps on being the same and thinking the same way regardless of what happens.
Me: Well, she learned to lie long before her father did. She was the only Stark willing to be diplomatic in the second book and so I liked her.
Caleb: Ugh. I guess. But still, not a huge move for her.
Me: My unbridled hated for her father and mother has made me make some weird identificatory leaps. I like Varys and Melisandre and anyone who hates Catelyn Stark.
Caleb: Do you like Varys voice?
Me: No. He should sound exactly like me.
Caleb: Except he's a really fat eunuch so...
Me: Right. We're not exactly the same. I disidentify. Or maybe I identify with both of those things, too. I'm troubled. Hahaha.
Caleb: I don't even want to speculate there.

Catie: Next up: who is Tyrion going to end up with?!
Me: His wife. Obviously.
Catie: Sansa?! Yes. YES! You're right. I forgot about the tension there. Sometimes I hate Sansa though. She's like a wine - getting better with time.
Me: Not me. I love her. She is stupid. But she knows how to lie at least. Way better than her mother father and brothers.
Catie: Obvs. except for Richard Madden who is killing me in the new Cinderella trailer
Aaron: I don't think I know who that is.
Catie: Robb Stark. Duh. C'mon Aaron! Geez. How are you not in touch with Disney trailers?

Me: I have never seen the HBO show. Hahaha.
Catie: he is literally Prince Charming.
Me: Hahaha. Sounds dreamy. How old is Robb on the show? In the books he is a child bride.
Catie: Hahahahaaha I was going to deny it, then I thought about it. You are absolutely correct.
Me: A sad dead child slash mamas boy.
Catie: Slash dreamy
Me: Not in the books he ain't.
Catie: False yet again. I'm attracted to Robb and Varys reading the books, I'm not sure what that says about me except that with my taste, thank God I nailed down my husband.
Me: Hahaha. Ok. You have a thing for high school age boys apparently. And men who've been castrated? This is troubling. If only we'd met in 1998. You would've swooned. We might've married. We'd be divorced by now. It would have been amazing.

Me: I am sad about the young wolf. Although when he married Jeyne Westerling, I thought what a fool. He makes stupid mistakes like his idiot father.
Caleb: I feel sad about him too. I really did like him. He was so likable. And I was sad about the Greatjon too.
Me: I liked old Jon Umber.
Caleb: Yeah. Large, honest, simple but likable people.
Me: And Robb was only a kid, really. Just 17. And he had to fight the stupidity of his mother and Edmure Tully.
Caleb: Those characters, Robb and his supporters, are classical heroes.
Me: Yeah.
Caleb: Good natured, honorable, etc. But this is not their book.
Me: Achilles, Ajax. That level.
Caleb: These books punish the classical hero. Like Ned. I still think Ned dying that early in the series was the largest shock ever.
Me: Ned? No. Ned got punished because he was a moron.
Caleb: Yes, but an honorable one. He does the right thing. The hard thing.
Me: You and I part ways here.
Caleb: And in classical stories, that's how you win. But not in this book.
Me: Ned is an idiot. He does the stupid thing. One stupid thing after another. I'm glad he died.
Caleb: He is trusting, sure. But not dumb. It's not that he doesn't know what's going on. He plays his part. Classical virtue is playing your part even if that kills you.
Me: He doesn't keep his promises and he doesn't help anyone out. He is in the way with his honor. You win or you die.
Caleb: I wouldn't say that's his core though. There are some complications, sure. I have this theory, though, that Ned and Varys are up to something. Remember they had that meeting right before Ned's execution?
Me: Yeah.
Caleb: And we only see the execution from far away from in the crowd. I think GRRM might being him back or something crazy. It would be the final mindfuck of a long series. And when they go to see his head on the walls, it's so convered in tar that Sansa doesn't think it's him.
Me: If that's true, that's a smarter, more calculating Ned then we have ever seen.
Caleb: No, it would be Varys' plan.
Me: It would have to be.
Caleb: Ned wasn't dumb. Just not crafty. In contrast to everyone else in the series.

Dayne: How far into book three are you?
Me: Last few pages. Almost done. So I'm almost caught up to where you are. Maybe even a little ahead in some story lines.
Dayne: Perhaps. Have you made it to any of the weddings?
Me: Catelyn is dead. Robb. Tywin. Shae.
Dayne: Ok. The last season ended with Shae and Tywin's deaths. Sad.
Me: Edric Storm escaped Melisandre through Davos's cleverness. And Jon Snow is now Lord Commander of the Watch.
Dayne: Yeah, you might be ahead in parts. What's Daenerys up to?
Me: She's decided to stay in some town and rule. She conquered three different cities and now she's gonna hang out. She banished Mormont.
Dayne: What's Bran up to?
Me: Bran just went into the mouth of a werewood. Under the wall. Sam helped.
Dayne: The Theon shit is crazy, right??!
Me: No Theon shit yet.
Dayne: None at all?!?!?!
Me: I think that'll be the final chapter of the book. I have one left.
Dayne: Hmmm.
Me: Theon is a POV character, but he hasn't appeared at all in the book.
Dayne: He is in the show a lot. How weird.
Me: GRRM is pretending he is dead. But I am too clever for him.
Dayne: Haha. Well I guess I spoiled that some. The book vs. TV pacing isn't making any sense to me.
Me: It makes sense. You know how the book works. We stick with one character for a long time. That wouldn't work for TV.

Short Conversations about A Clash of Kings (Book 2)

SPOILERS FOR BOOK TWO OF A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE BELOW. 

Me: Why does GRRM insist on describing meals and outfits constantly? These are the two things I don't understand. And all the meals are the same anyway: pork roasted with leeks and herbs, wine sweetened with honey, black bread, and honey cakes.
Catie: Um, have you seen the size of him?
Me: Oh my god. Excellent point. But he needs to hire a chef to help him change up the menus a little bit.
Catie: He dresses like he lives in Game of Thrones. He loves being Robert Baratheon.
Me: They only ever eat winter vegetables. But it has been summer for like twenty years!
Catie: So true!
Me: Like, no one has seen a zucchini.
Catie: Or a nice avocado.
Me: Exactly. No one grows tomatoes. Though it is perma-summer.
Catie: And they dress like it's winter, as well.
Me: Well they are all naked a lot.
Catie: I'm wondering if his last book and last sentence will say Winter has come and that's it. We've just been leading up to snow.
Me: The Starks will have been right all along.
Catie: Hahahaha. Fuckin' Starks.
Me: Ugh. May they all perish.
Catie: Except Arya???
Me: Right. I like Arya. Although she just did something asinine. She got captured by the Mountain because she trusted this idiot Hotpie.
Catie: Hotpie. I forgot about him!
Me: Easy to do. I assume I will too. He will be killed in the next chapter.

Tom: Where are you in Westeros now?
Me: I am wishing I could move faster. The audiobook isn't very fast when I'm only going to and from the grocery.
Tom: You know, you could, like… read it...

Me: Lady Catelyn has gone as an envoy to King Renly. I am glad. Even if I have to put up with Catelyn's constant boo-hooing, it is worth it to hang out with Renly for a while. I've never hoped we'd go back to Catelyn before but like what is happening with Renly.
Catie: Does he make you miss the Starks?
Me: No. Fuck a Stark. But, like, GRRM only cares about Arya and Tyrion and fucking Daenerys (and who the fuck cares about her right now?) and I want to know what Renly is doing!

Me: Renly??! No. I can't. I am so sad/mad/upset!!
Catie: I've been waiting for this text. I knowwwww.
Me: I hate everything. There are two motherfucking gay characters and he has to go and kill one.
Catie: Best reaction. Shall we go into mourning?
Me: Seriously. So mad. I had been looking forward to hanging out with him for the whole fucking book. And GRRM cuts his throat with a fucking fake shadow dark magic sword from his racist version of a mysterious orientalist east.
Catie: Hahahahahaha. Oh my god. That's it.
Me: Maybe next the evil red bitch Melisandre can put some five spice powder in her stir fry. Almond eyes. Fuck. Can he think of any other way to describe Asian people. I am so mad. There better be another gay character soon or I'm out.
Catie: Melisandre annoys the shit out of me. That fucking birthing a weird ghost Stannis baby. I can't imagine.
Me: But then the rest of these assholes. Catelyn is like, you know what we ought to do? Pray. Yep. That'll help. Only Tyrion is like: Hmmm. I think I'm going to hatch a fucking plan. Catelyn is like Plans? Why do we need plans? We have honor! Just like her husband. Someone oughtta cut her throat too. I'm going to bed. I'm going to cry and pray that GRRM can think of another character with cool outfits like Renly's. You know he loves to describe an outfit. (And a meal.)
Catie: Catelyn is just straight dumb. Worst representation.
Me: Literally everything she says I just think cheer up!
Catie: She invented Debbie Downer. And she doesn't shut up.
Me: I can see why people get onto Team Lannister. Go fucking do something.
Catie: I just want Tyrion and Varys to take over everything.

Me: Sometimes I actually think I'm only reading this book for the gods. For an atheist, I sort of love the idea of deities.
Tom: Haha. They mostly bore me
Me: Gods bore me in real life. But if they actually have magic powers, I'm in. Like the Greek ones.
Tom: I like R'hllor
Me: I have no idea what you just said, but it looks abominable.
Tom: The lord of light. That's how you spell his name
Me: It is spelled like that? That's horrific. Yet another instance of GRRM racism? Is he supposed to be from the East? The mysterious oriental east?
Tom: Hahaha. I don't think he's given a geographic origin.
Me: Bullshit. That Melisandre woman was chanting in the language of Asshai.
Tom: Oh right, she is from the east
Me: Nailed it. This shit is so racist.

Me: I'm on Theon II. He's flirting with the wife of the man who built his ship.
Tom: Ok.
Me: No idea what's happened in Pyke since I was there last though. GRRM hasn't gotten around to that. He's busy talking about Theon's "iron" "mast".
Tom: Well it is his defining characteristic
Me: I like him. I like sons who don't get on with their fathers.

Me: The reason the Bran storyline is so fucking stupid is that he only sees future scenarios that we already know about.
Catie: He's just a recap.
Me: Boring ass Starks.

Me: The mother of dragons needs to give birth again. This time to a plot twist. I'm 60% through this book and she can't do anything except roast a bit of meat to feed the little guys.
Catie: She's so slow in that. Actually most of her stuff is slow and redundant except for a few boom moments. I mean, come to Westeros already.

Me: I hate Catelyn so much. I liked her for five minutes at the Twins when she talked to Lord Fray. But now. Fuck her.
Dayne: This is when a judging emoticon would be useful.
Me: In the books, though: she is such a whiner. She just cries and there's no plot advancement. Boo hoo hoo hoo, bitch. This woman has not enjoyed a single day of her time in the entirety of this series. I can't wait for her to die.
Jeanne: How are we friends? Stark-hater.
Tom: Would you enjoy her life? If it makes you feel better, pretty much everyone hates Cat. Which makes me sad because I love her.
Me: You two go ahead and love her. And I will hate away. 

Me: Melisandre gave birth to Stannis's shadow baby and it was great.
Catie: False. It was fucking random.
Me: I loved it.
Catie: I had to reread it. I was like whaaat? And then got turned on. She is badass but if she says "Lord of Light" one more time I will light her on fire.
Me: True. But she is fucking pure evil. And that is interesting.
Catie: Especially when you have the Starks prancing around.
Me: What did you say? I fell asleep for a second.
Catie: Hahaha. I said HOOOODOOOOR.
Me: Twice today I sighed deeply and said "oh dear" and then much louder I said "HOOODOOR."

Me: There is so much magic in Book 2. I like it. Dany just escaped from the house of the undying.
Tom: I was literally about to ask if you'd been to the house of the undying yet.
Me: It was so cool! I feel like that is the chapter you need to revisit. He probably hid lots of secrets in there. But also Jaqen H'ghar!
Tom: I just reread House yesterday I think. And of Jaqen, you're just at his intro now, right?
Me: Oh no. He has already disappeared like the wind. After being amazing and killing people
Tom: Ahhhh. Valar morghulis
Me: Whatever that shit means.
Tom: It will be translated for you
Me: Aside from the fact that it obviously means something having to do with magic and death.
Tom: Yes. I can tell you what it means. It's not a huge shocker.
Me: Haha. Yes. Do.
Tom: "All men must die."
Me: But see. Here's the thing. What is dead may never die, as the Greyjoys remind us.
Catie: The drowned god! Yes.

Me: Jaqen H'ghar is my shit.
Catie: He is awesome. And hot.
Me: Phrase most often written in this book: "Blah blah blah, said Catelyn gravely."
Catie: Gravely. Hahahaha. Every. Thing. Is. So. Dire.
Me: Seriously. Catelyn is always weeping. When she was alone with Ned's bones I thought I was going to explode with rage.
Catie: Someone would give her a million dollars and she would just be so sad about it.
Me: She was wealthy beyond measure, but she couldn't help her thoughts turning to the sadness in her heart. Gold and jewels only appeared cold and unfeeling to her. They wouldn't bring her Ned back. And they wouldn't bring her closer to her children.
Catie: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Maybe if you had a better attitude all your children wouldn't be so fucked up and living a million miles away from you.
Me: Exactly. Also, you never should've left Winterfell. And never have let Tyrion get away.
Catie: I'd go to war to get away from her.
Me: Hopefully she'll die soon.
Catie: Fingers crossed.
Me: I'll pray to the seven about it.

Me: I really like Sansa in this book. Almost finished with Number 2.
Jeanne: Wow! You're killing it! She's definitely better in the books. ... I do think it's funny you like the one Stark who I don't like. It took me forever to get through the first half of that book.
Me: The first half of that book nothing happens. It is awful. Nothing is still happening, frankly, but I have hopes for the last fifth.
Jeanne: Hang in there. It gets awesome.

Tom: You're heading to the big climax.
Me: Yes of course. Cliffhangers and whatnot. Fucking Stannis is going to attack King's Landing. But what gets me is that the books are totally ignoring Robb Stark - or have been for ages. Not that I care about Robb. He is boring. But, like, Tywin and Robb are fighting and fighting the whole book and there are no eyes on them.
Tom: Yeah but it's the war of five kings. With five kings, you lose track of one or two for a while.
Me: I counted 7. Kings, I mean.
Tom: Well, 6 and a queen.
Me: Yeah.
Tom: Joffrey, Stannis, Renly, Robb, Balon, Mance, Dany.
Me: Can't leave out the king beyond the wall.

Me: So after the battle of Blackwater. The guy reading my audiobook goes: “Daenerys”. And I yelled curses at the CD player for the next five minutes straight.
Tom: Haha.
Me: I don't wanna hear about her. I wanna know what happened.
Tom: Hahahahahaha.
Me: Loras was wearing Renly's armor I take it. Romantic. And stolen wholesale from the Iliad. I am so close to being done with this book.
Tom: And then onto Book 3! My favorite of them all.
Me: …And hopefully some new characters. But right now GRRM is literally introducing us to a million Frays who are hanging out at Harrenhal with whatshisname with the leeches. Like: hello! Wrap it up! I'm meeting new characters?? That fucking sadist.
Tom: Setting up Book 3.
Me: Right.
Tom: Blackwater is the climax, time to have falling action
Me: And I suppose the book will end with Bran telling us where the fuck he's hiding himself. HOOOOODOOOOOR.

Me: Poor Theon. Everybody hates that motherfucker.
Dayne: Bahaha. I'm part of that club as well. 
Catie: Not a damn friend in the world. I want Varys to employ him.
Me: It makes me like him. Haha.
Dayne: Of course.

Dayne: You finished book 2!
Me: I did. Cliffhanger city.
Dayne: I'll have to call and hear about it.
Me: You've heard all there is to hear. But I will say one thing. Jon Snow is no Stark. He abandoned his honor for the good of the realm. What a good guy.
Dayne: Doing what?
Me: Going over to the wildlings.
Dayne: Ah.
Me: Lord Eddard could never have done that. Ever.
Dayne: Daenerys' boring stuff is finally over. 
Me: Thank the lord. Maybe Bran can become interesting finally too. And maybe Catelyn will die soon. Plus: new point of view characters!! I am hoping for Jaime this time. Or Loras. And I hope Davos is still alive.
Dayne: Book 3 is good.
Me: Good! I am excited for it

On Gentleness in Critical Thought

My dear friend Cassidy and I recently appeared together on a panel at the ATHE LGBTQ pre-conference in which we were asked to present manifestos. Mine was less of a manifesto (I tend to feel less sure about things the older I get), and more of an attempt to puzzle through some recent debates on the internet about cultural appropriation and cultural stylistics. (I posted it here a week ago or so.)

Cassidy's manifesto was a plea for more critical generosity (a term I've heard rather often in recent days), and what Cassidy specifically argued against was what my friend termed the "call-out culture" of the internet. Cassidy's argument – as I understood it – was that the internet is a place where we hide, where we say things we wouldn't normally say about people we wouldn't normally denigrate, where (because of anonymity) we have the ability to take stands and make pronouncements that we wouldn't normally make. This, Cassidy acknowledged, was both a good thing and a bad thing, but what my friend was hoping for was more conversation, more dialogue between parties who disagreed. Generosity, dialogue, exchange, Cassidy argued, was what queer community was about.

I haven't really experienced much of this "calling out" on the internet. I avoid the comment section of all YouTube videos and most articles I read. These comment sections are invariably filled with angry, incoherent screeds penned hastily and unthinkingly, and I find that very little can be argued in the usually very small number of words in a posted comment. I avoid long rants on facebook, too, and when someone is rude on my wall, I simply block them so that they can't comment on what I post any longer. This is all because (as anyone who is close to me knows) I value politeness a great deal. I think that society, propriety, is really important. We should be nice to one another. We should treat one another with care and avoid being rude at all costs. Nobody likes a jerk, but if I notice someone being publicly rude, I am apt to turn against that person forever. Politeness, to me, is paramount: a way of moving through the world with grace and generosity.

I did, nonetheless, recently get embroiled in a minor spat on the facebooks. (I didn't respond to anything at all, but others spoke – quite rudely and unthinkingly, in fact – about something I had said with which they took issue.) I have been deeply troubled by this impoliteness for the last three days. I know we oughtn't to take such things personally, and I know people can say things hastily and without thinking because of their own feelings and sensitivities, and so I returned in my own thought to critical generosity and the power of dialogue between parties who disagree.

Meanwhile, I've been reading Madhavi Menon's Shakesqueer: a Queer Companion to the Complete Works of Shakespeare, a volume that collects 48 different essays by various queer theorists, each of which treats a different text from the Shakespearean canon (and some Shakespearean apocrypha, as well) and tries to excavate queer theory from Shakespeare rather than to bring queer theory to the texts. In a book with nearly fifty essays they are not all going to be great, obviously, but I am a little over a third of the way through now and there are some really great ones. And sure enough, a couple of days ago I ran across an essay by Cary Howie entitled "Stay" that theorizes exactly the kind of critical generosity for which my friend Cassidy was arguing. And Howie uses Henry VI, Part 3 to theorize this, no less!

Howie points to the many times that characters in 3HenryVI ask other characters to "stay", and theorizes that The demand to stay is always, in other words, a demand to stay with someone, to keep someone company, to inhabit a shared time or sense of time. To refuse this demand is to refuse what could be said to be common, a refusal highlighted by Edward's ironic "we": togetherness, the acknowledgment that the first person plural binds us somehow. Howie tells us that requests for patience are often coded in the text as "feminine": (to stay is to acquiesce to the demands of a "wrangling woman").

He further argues that King Henry's own tendency to go off and think by himself is a fundamentally solitary one. It does not solve the problem of the social; it avoids the social altogether. What Howie tells us is that To stay with a text like Henry VI, Part 3 is also, then, to stay with one another, to acknowledge patiently what happens in the middle of things, where we are reading and living, singularly and in common, but also writing and fighting and waiting and dying; where one of the hardest things to do, but also one of the most necessary, is to resist the impulse to say what we will or will not become. But the alternative to this is not retreat – not withdrawing into ourselves or our own cliques where we can avoid conference and community.

Howie then asks us: What would a gentle criticism look like? Could it disrupt the violence that so often attends this play's staging of the body in haste? Could it even disrupt [...] the brokenness, the ungentle extremes, of our critical habits, accustomed as we so frequently are to the form and the fantasy of disputation? How can we begin to treat our texts and one another more gently? Henry VI, Part 3 provides us with at least one gesture toward a response. It invites us to stay here. Stay longer. Wait a while. Something or someone may still – may even, and this is the most shocking thing, gently – take us by surprise.

I am thankful to Cassidy (and also to John Fletcher) for thinking through these things, and for putting me on a road to thinking about them myself. The importance of such critical generosity in acrimonious times such as these ought not to be underestimated, particularly within groups we refer to as our own communities.

Vibrating Homosexuality and the Pacino Popper Freakouts

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