Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. —Henry Fielding

17 December 2019

Summing Up 2019

1. What did you do in 2019 that you'd never done before?
To be honest, it hasn't actually been a very outrageous year. I guess I'm getting older and more stuck in my ways. Or maybe it's that I'm back in Tallahassee...
I went to Puerto Rico, which I have never done before. I also chaired an MA thesis (I've chaired MFA theses before, but never an MA).

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My resolution for last year was to send out one article every semester of last year. I will still achieve this resolution. I just need to make sure I send another one out in the next two weeks! (I will.) My other resolution was to brunch more. I have to say honestly that I did not achieve this resolution in the way that I really want to, and I think this is because I really wasn't as dedicated as I ought to have been to this important goal.
In short, I would like to repeat my resolutions for 2020. I would like to send an article out every semester and I would like to brunch more. If you're in the same city I'm in on any given Sunday, let's make brunch plans.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I don't think so.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, no.

5. What countries did you visit?
Now, this is technically still the United States because of colonialism, but I got to visit some of Puerto Rico in March. I got to see San Juan as well as El Yunque. It is a very, very cool place, and I ate a lot of mofongo.

6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?
Better shoes and better clothes. I need to decide that I'm going to spend money on these things. I shop as though I'm still a graduate student. I try to dress nicely, and I think I do ok, but it's really not a priority, and I think I should make it one.

7. What dates from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
June 17th, July 5th, and July 8th were probably my favorite days of the year in 2019. I spent June 17th with my colleague Jessica in Harrisonburg, Virginia. We went to a crazy winery on top of a mountain, ate great food, and hung out with her son Macauley. I spent both days in July with a guy I met in Lynchburg named Brett. The 5th was me and Brett and Jacob and Jared jumping around wineries and a brewery and a cidery (!) in central Virginia. On the 8th I had brunch with Brett and then went to Ankida Ridge winery where I met my friends George and Raechelle. We sang and talked and had a great day.
Obviously, there are some themes here: chiefly wine, Virginia, and queerness.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Working on the new production of The Bluest Water and getting to see it come to fruition with my wonderful collaborators at Endstation Theatre Company.
Publishing my article "Truth and Translation at the Heart of Violence" in Theater. I'm really proud of it.
Reworking the curriculum for the BA in Theatre at the School of Theatre at Florida State.
See also #22.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I am having a rough time with my scholarship at the moment. I have a lot of ideas, and I'm tossing around things in my head – I even have a clear schema for how my next book will look – but even if my College is invested in me having more time to do my writing, my colleagues are not really invested in that. They have so far tended to be invested in me taking on administrative projects. I know this is to be expected, and I also know they don't owe me any favors, which means that my failure here is not finding a very good balance with my own work and the work that my colleagues place on my plate.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No big illnesses or injuries this year.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I finally bought a new laptop. I had had my old one since my first year teaching at Dartmouth (Fall 2012), and it was way past time.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My friend Michelle, who deservedly won, like, every article-award in the field of theatre and performance studies for her piece "No 'Thing to Wear'", which I adore.
I had dinner with my former student Alex in April, and he's now working for the Florida Rights Restoration Coalition. I'm also really proud of Tommy Heller for the public service work he's doing with shelters and in courtrooms in New York. Obviously I am proud of many of my students, but this kind of work is really close to my heart.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I really think the Republicans in the U.S. Congress are probably the worst people in the world.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Into my savings. I started planning for my retirement in earnest this year.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The ASTR 2019 conference. Seeing the MET Broadcast of Akhnaten. Seeing my friend Jaime, who I haven't seen in many years. Hanging out in Joshua Tree with Yasser, Katie, and Jonathan. Getting to see Matt and Geoff in Tallahassee. Honey Boy

16. What song will always remind you of 2019?


Carly Rae Jepsen's "Too Much"

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Sadder, but I was very happy this time last year.
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter, but I was very thin this time last year.
c) richer or poorer? Richer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Writing. Reading. Brunching. Kissing. Walking around without pants. Happy hour. Instagramming cooking adventures.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Sitting in faculty meetings. Worrying about what others think about my writing.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
With my family in Los Angeles. The theme for this year's Christmas dinner is Mediterranean. I'm making a vegetarian maqluba, roasted eggplant dip, a lentil soup with lemon, tahini cookies, and a cake with cardamom and rose water.

21. Did you fall in love in 2019?
No, but I dated a handsome guy named Nate for a few months until ... he ghosted me. That was strange. He was pretty great, though, and I was sorry he didn't want to continue seeing me. I fell for a couple other guys, too – by which I mean I met two different guys I got along with great and would date if we were in the same city. In other words, I'm trying to remain vulnerable and open.

22. How many one-night stands?
Team Baga Chipz!
Seven. And I am so proud of myself!

23. What was your favorite TV program?
I only watched RuPaul's Drag Race season 11, RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars season 4, the first season of RuPaul's Drag Race UK, and Paolo Sorrentino's series The Young Pope. It took me a while to warm to The Young Pope, and all of that Drag Race was maybe a bit much for one year...

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nope! But I still hate the people I added to the list last year.

25. What was the best book you read?
I keep track of this on GoodReads.
Definitely George Eliot's Middlemarch. I also loved Larry Mitchell's The Faggots & Their Friends Between Revolutions and Tavia Nyong'o's Afro-Fabulations. Patricia Nell Warren's gay classic The Front Runner, which I finally read this year, moved me deeply.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I am not sure I made one of these this year, but my friend Dayne sent me Carly Rae Jepsen's latest album, Dedicated, and although I was skeptical I quickly became obsessed. Carly's just great! I spent most of my time listening to the new Bon Iver album, i,i, and the new James Blake album, Assume Form.

27. What was the best piece of theatre you saw?
Oh that's easy. Phelim McDermott's fabulous staging of Philip Glass's Akhnaten with Anthony Roth Costanzo, J'Nai Bridges, and (the brilliant) Zachary James.

28. What did you want and get?
Really, really fit. (I'm not still that fit, but I did get there.)

29. What did you want and not get?
A published copy of my book The Violate Man. It's waiting to shine patiently in the wings like a good supporting actress.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Pedro Almodóvar's Dolor y Gloria (Pain & Glory) followed by Bong Joon-ho's Parasite. But (as usual) I have another 30 movies to see still.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I got a massage, proctored a comprehensive exam for one of my MA students, taught a class, held student hours, met with a guy to repair my shower, and turned 38. My friends Anne and Jennifer and Wade took me out to dinner, and we drank drinks, ate a lot of food, and had a great time.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Honestly, a boyfriend. I am throwing lines out; I've really been trying, but I haven't found someone I want to spend a lot of time with who also wants to spend a lot of time with me – at least not someone who lives anywhere remotely close to me.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019?
Short-sleeved, patterned button-ups that bring out my eyes.

34. What kept you sane?
Watching movies with Greg. Cocktail hour with Tate. Chatting with Patrick and Dayne. Happy hours with Elliott and Kellen and Chari. Almost any time I spent with Meredith and Jason. Matt telling me things without sugar-coating them.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Sukkolawat Kanarot. I saw him in Malila: the Farewell Flower and promptly fell in love.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Prison abolition. And linked to this is obviously the legalization of marijuana. This needs to happen immediately.

37. Whom did you miss?
Wahima, Justin, Elizabeth, Ashley, Danny, J, Dayne, Caleb, Joe, Tenley, Marko, Michael.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
I met Brett Hastie at the very end of 2018, but I feel like I really connected with him this summer, and I'm so glad I did. He's wise, caring, and generous, and now he lives in Spain and I am sorry I can't hang out with him.

39. Tell us a valuable life-lesson you learned in 2019:
Do not waste time on other people's time-wasting tactics! One thing that I have seen happen at my University is that a person will use stall tactics and ask me to go away and think about something or bring them research on a particular topic. Often this person is someone who actually makes the decision. They know that they don't want to do anything differently or make any substantive change, but they also know that other people want to make changes. In order to pretend that they're willing to change, they ask for more time and often also request the labor of the people who want to make changes. Because we want change, we think, ah! I will do this work and then we will get somewhere! Not so fast. It was all a hoodwink. There was never going to be any change. I have learned to avoid these kinds of tactics when they're presented to me. I am happy to do the work, if it's actually gonna help us change something. If not? No thanks. I need to spend my time working on things that can change and working for people who want to make things better for more people.

40. Share an important quotation from 2019:
"Her finely touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Alexander broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs."
—George Eliot, Middlemarch

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