I read somewhere that once you figure out how to use them, semicolons are addicting. This is so true.
Why do I suck at this Taming of the Shrew show? I can't take all of the blame, but I have to take a good deal of it, don't I? Why does the show suck so bad and why am I doing so poorly? Rehearsal today was just sad. It wan't quite painful; it was more of a dull ache, really. I would feel so much better if Michael knew his lines. And I don't dare be mad at him, really, because Michael not knowing his lines is John Zamora's fault and not Michael's. What is Michael's fault is not doing today the notes I gave him yesterday. At this point I think I'm just sad about that part of it. There's no way to fix things like that.
But why do I suck? Brittney is asking me all sorts of questions about how to be better at what she's doing and I have no way to help her. None. I want to tell her that I need her to just be on. That I have eight million other things to worry about, and I can't be helping her find her character. But this is what I need to do. I need to be there to help Brittney if she needs help. I need to be able to vocalize what I want Michael to do even if he's not listening. I need to be able to command enough respect from a cast that they actually care when they're not onstage during a scene when they ought to be.
I suck. And what is Act IV about? I couldn't tell you. Really I couldn't. I will try to figure out what it's about this weekend, but I am having quite a time.
The show will certainly be able to open on Friday. There is no fear of that. I have four rehearsals left, and that's plenty of time. But I think that, for me, the show is a failure. Perhaps I belong directing plays with smaller casts, or plays that aren't four hundred years old. Or something. I feel like shit.
I am so glad that I made this enormous chocolate cake on Monday. If I hadn't, I would have nothing to console me tonight.