Clears Throat; Looks Forward

I read somewhere that once you figure out how to use them, semicolons are addicting.  This is so true.

Why do I suck at this Taming of the Shrew show?  I can't take all of the blame, but I have to take a good deal of it, don't I?  Why does the show suck so bad and why am I doing so poorly?  Rehearsal today was just sad.  It wan't quite painful; it was more of a dull ache, really.  I would feel so much better if Michael knew his lines.  And I don't dare be mad at him, really, because Michael not knowing his lines is John Zamora's fault and not Michael's.  What is Michael's fault is not doing today the notes I gave him yesterday.  At this point I think I'm just sad about that part of it.  There's no way to fix things like that.

But why do I suck?  Brittney is asking me all sorts of questions about how to be better at what she's doing and I have no way to help her.  None.  I want to tell her that I need her to just be on.  That I have eight million other things to worry about, and I can't be helping her find her character.  But this is what I need to do.  I need to be there to help Brittney if she needs help.  I need to be able to vocalize what I want Michael to do even if he's not listening.  I need to be able to command enough respect from a cast that they actually care when they're not onstage during a scene when they ought to be.

I suck.  And what is Act IV about?  I couldn't tell you.  Really I couldn't.  I will try to figure out what it's about this weekend, but I am having quite a time.

The show will certainly be able to open on Friday.  There is no fear of that.  I have four rehearsals left, and that's plenty of time.  But I think that, for me, the show is a failure.  Perhaps I belong directing plays with smaller casts, or plays that aren't four hundred years old.  Or something.  I feel like shit.

I am so glad that I made this enormous chocolate cake on Monday.  If I hadn't, I would have nothing to console me tonight.