Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. —Henry Fielding

24 July 2004

Sometimes I'm a Dick

I arrive at places in my enormous mood sine-curve where I have no idea how to behave properly. So last night, I was bored at one point, and instead of being polite and listening to the dead conversation (which persisted and would not stop), I got up and moved to another side of the room and started a new conversation. The thing is, everyone in the room knew what was going on, and so I was a dick.

THEN, I was a dick later, too, because for some reason Matt J and I were leaving at the same time, and I realized that we were never going to leave if I kept politely waiting for him to finish, so I seriously walked out in the middle of something he was saying. It was rude, but there you have it. Sometimes I just can't help myself, and I feel pathetic when I'm around Matt J for some reason. I think because I'm not really anyone's friend except for Ashley's and I know Becca and Danny like me, but I feel like I'm some kind of outer-fringe type of person... mostly because I'm older and live far away, I guess... no, I suppose I've always felt like an outer-fringe type of person.

Plus whenever I'm even a little bit attracted to a guy, I assume that the whole room is aware of my attraction (even if I only think he's sort of attractive). So, I behave as though I'm this weird-o desperate guy who hasn't had a real date in a year.

I really want to go to the Walt Disney Concert Hall. It looks so pretty. Jill and I walked down there last night to look at it. It's so fucking amazing!