Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. —Henry Fielding

19 August 2004

Liberace Gay

It is amazing how the events of the day can simply melt away when I get home. This is why I love my condo so much. It is my home. I put on some music (this time it's Mahler - Ich bin der Welt Abhanden Gekommen) and allow my day to just ebb away from me.

Still listening to Caroline, or Change a lot. The more I listen the more I love it. The music is so beautiful and it has so much to say.

Before I left work for the afternoon Marie had called me. We got the rights to Valparaiso and it's a go. I was supposed to talk to Dustin the set designer but I he didn't call me. Hm. So that's what we're doing in the fall Valparaiso by Don DeLillo. I reread it this evening and I'm happy. It is so fucked up, and it's brilliant in it's way. DeLillo is speaking his own theatrical language: a language no one else in the theatre is speaking. For someone as obsessed with forms as I am, this is great. I am excited again. It's not a perfect "Aaron Thomas" play like Pterodactyls, but it's poetic and beautiful and it has some great roles in it. I'm going to cast seven people: four-five women and two-three men (depending on the talent). Ok. It's gonna be ok.

I got home and finished The Bostonians. And for the record I did not like it at all. I love Vanessa Redgrave, and she was fine in the part, but I hate weak characters like this. And it just wasn't cinematic enough. This was early Merchant/Ivory, I guess. I loved several of the movies they made following this movie: Maurice, Remains of the Day, A Room with a View, Howards End. All of those are wonderful. But boo to The Bostonians. I know this is sacrilege, but I think one of the chief reasons I didn't like the movie is because I really don't like Christopher Reeve as an actor. I know he's paralyzed and shit now, but he wasn't a very strong actor. He's downright bad in this movie. I don't know. Opinions? Can anyone name a good Christopher Reeve movie?

After the movie I baked a cake. I felt like a spice cake. I am fine with cake mixes; I made my own frosting, though. I refuse to eat that fake stuff out of a tub. It tastes processed to me.

I have the tendency to work myself up when I have to see someone I am not really interested in seeing or when I have to go to a big party. (Contrary to popular belief, crowds are not my favorite thing in the world.) So my best friend from high school has been trying to get me to hang out with him for at least a month and I made plans with him for tonight. Of course I didn't want to go, and of course we fell right into synch with one another when I got there. He was my best friend and it shows when we talk. I think anyone walking past would just assume that we have been friends for years. My sexuality is a big issue with him, but I have to confess he is a lot better, even than he was six months ago.

The phrase "that's gay" doesn't mean to me what it means to other people, I realized. He said he went to a party and it "was really gay" and I'm thinking, "Was it in Laguna?" and then I realize he means it was boring. The next time he said it he said, "You thought it was gay?" and I said, "Well generally when I say 'gay' I don't mean 'bad'" and he apologized! I was stunned.

He is sorry we're not closer. He wishes he could talk to me more. He invited me out with him on Saturday.

"So guess who's gay--apart from yourself."

John told me that this guy who was the head of the young republicans at our high school is now out of the closet. "He's, like, Liberace gay," says John. I can't really describe how this makes me feel. First of all, I was always really attracted to this guy. We weren't friends because he was three years older than I and he was really really rich, but I ran into him about three years ago and we chatted for a bit. This guy was a crazy Republican in school and he went to Notre Dame for his BS. Now, John says, he's out and proud and liberal as all get-out. This makes me feel so good. There was someone else at my high school. I've always felt like such an anomaly, coming from that school. It's not just that: this guy was always a great guy, and now he's out. It feels like some kind of victory.

It reminds me of a game that Ryan, Fergie, Isaac, Christina, and I used to play. Homos: 1