Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. —Henry Fielding

21 March 2004


I'm sleepy, and there's a game tomorrow. I should be in bed, but I feel like updating.
D and I saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, which was very romantic and sweet and it was also deep and said a lot of things about memory and relationships that I think need to be said. It kind of gave my view of what I think "The One" is. It was very good. On my updated list for 2004, I am putting it at #2, right below The Return. Still, that's only 5 movies for 2004 and it's already March. Perhaps I will see the Secret Window. Maybe Wa and I will go on Thu.
Linda asked about Andy. She always does, and I always tell her I don't talk to him really anymore. She's so... whatever she is. She talks to me about job opportunities too, but I think she's just blowing smoke up my ass... which is fine, I guess. Matt said I'm "one of his favorite actors." That is fucking out of control. He was actually serious. He bases this on Tartuffe, Othello, andHamlet. But he was serious. I was embarrassed but thanked him. I forgot that Andy and I were friends again for a week. Linda reminded me. I guess I feel better when he doesn't call me, though. It's a lot easier to be human that way. I'm so retarded... because I actually like it when he calls. Like it proves something to me. Like I didn't imagine him. Like he did love me and still does a little bit and I wasn't just making shit up in my head again like I'm so used to doing.
Zack and Lisa broke up. Surprise. I went to the movies with D in some kind of act of solidarity with him. He didn't wanna go to Dyson's, so I feel fine supporting him instead of going with the girls to Dyson's. Jai will live anyway. It's not like she and he actually do a whole divorced parent thing anyway. They don't fight over me and that's such a relief. I mean, going to the movies with D shouldn't be the cause of drama, so I'm so glad it's not.
I'm tired.
I'm waiting for the One. Really. I am. I am saving up for him. Saving all of my memories for him. I don't want to waste any of them on anyone else. The memories I have of ones before him (whoever he is) are not important now and I suspect they will get less and less important. Because he will be the only one. The one that is important. That is who the one is. The important one. The real one. The one I've decided is going to be the one.
That paragraph makes it look like I'm high, but perhaps I'm just doing a Suzan-Lori Parks thing.
Nope. Not high either. Just tired.
Good night world.